Loss of Time
by srp2017
Summary: Mike had lost time with his family. Can he make it right? I own several of the characters. Based after Season 1
1. Chapter 1

Unrelated to my other stories. It's set about six years from the beginning of the first season, with mentions of the other chapters.

 **Loss of Time**

Chapter 1

Christine Slattery clocked out from her second job, so she could make it to her third. The first job was a lunch lady at the grade school where her youngest, a twin boy and girl, went to school. The second was at a dry cleaners and third was waitressing and bussing tables at a higher end restaurant. The tips were good but the diners were rude. The employees from the government weren't so bad but the people that associated with them were terrible. Most of them were social climbers wanting civilian positions or women wanting to marry up. The third job exhausted Christine, mentally.

Her older two girls, Courtney and Hannah had survived the Red Flu. Courtney, always the best student, desperately wanted to go to college but it was not possible for Christine to send her. All she could do was make it to where Courtney didn't have to work and could apply herself to her studies at a community college. Courtney was less than thrilled with that. Hannah, a happy go lucky fifteen year old who had the sweetest heart, helped Christine with Sarah Elizabeth and Mikey, who were six and in kindergarten. Christine had been pregnant with the twins when Mike called from the Arctic. She stupidly withheld the information from him. She had been so angry with Mike after Lucas had died. She wanted a divorce. Now, all she wanted was her kids to have their father. She knew Mike would not want anything to do with her now. She had withheld his children and he had probably moved on. She couldn't blame him.

The past year, she had tried to find him but without her military ID, it was impossible. She had moved the girls and Mikey to St. Louis to be closer to where the legendary Nathan James crew frequented when they were not deployed. She had no idea if Mike was alive. She hoped he was, for her kid's sake and shockingly, her own. Despite the initial anger, she was still in love with him. The restaurant afforded her the ability to scan faces for familiar people, Tom Chandler, Andrea Garnett, and Russ Jeter. So far, she hadn't recognized anyone and she refused to look Mike up because it meant she would have to tell the kids that their father was dead or didn't want anything to do with them anymore because of her.

She had to stop her beat up van and add water because it was overheating. It would lead her stranded one day but so far she had been lucky. She got to the restaurant ten minutes before her shift started, which gave her time to eat a plate that the chef always kept behind for her. If it wasn't for Juan; she wouldn't eat. Everything she had went to her kids. As she stood and ate she looked at the calendar to see what fancy party was occurring that night. Juan came up beside her and shook his head.

"Fancy rich people. This one has been here before. She's hosting ten of her closest friends and their significant others. Apparently she is hoping the guy she is dating will ask her to marry him. I heard he's some hotshot in the Navy. Want to take it? Might be worth the bad attitude if you can get him sidetracked and ask about your husband."

"I'll take it because maybe the tips will be good. I doubt the hotshot knows Mike or if he does, it wouldn't be appropriate to ask about him. What's her name?"

"The rich...oh, right you don't cuss. Helena Montgomery. Apparently she's the President's sister in law. Rumor has it, she had her sights set on Tom Chandler but he's spoken for. So she settled for the second in command, his best buddy. I don't know his name though." Christine looked shocked but covered it up. It confirmed her fears, Mike had moved on. She struggled to keep the tears at bay and put her plate and silverware in the dishwasher. Her boss, Ann, walked in just then and looked at Christine suspiciously.

"So we have a table of ten in addition to their plus ones. So twenty. I'm teaming you up with Gwen. You can split the tip but don't expect much. The last time Ms. Montgomery had a party here; she left a small tip, like twenty bucks for fifty people. Now, her boyfriend, or whoever he is, came back in on the guise that he forgot something and handed the waiter a hundred but I wouldn't expect it. He's a nice guy but I have no idea how he ended up with her." Ann tended to ramble and Christine just nodded. It would hurt to see Mike with the woman he had moved on with but she knew he would at least be thrilled to hear about his kids, even the twins that he didn't know existed. Christine looked out into the dining area and watched the maître de seat a large party, including a very made up blonde, who was just a breath over thirty and Mike.

Mike looked like he was ready to come out of skin. He was in an uncomfortable looking suit and seemed hesitant, even around his girlfriend. What surprised Christine was that he didn't touch her, just scooted her chair out for her and then sit next to her, looking like he was bored stiff. Juan came up beside Christine and watched her, watching the large group of people.

"I think this is your cue to go out there. You look like you see a ghost."

"I do, my husband. He's in there with Ms. Montgomery."

"The guy that looks so uncomfortable? Wow! Do you want me to tell Ann to assign a different server?" Juan was shocked and playing with his apron.

"No. I'll go out there. I have four kids at home who need their father. And Mike is a phenomenal dad."

"He's with another woman. That must be a slap in the face."

"I knew he might have moved on. And once he sees me, he'll be glad he did. Not to mention, I kept the kids from him."

"No. You couldn't connect with him. You didn't hide them from him."

"He doesn't know about Mike and Sarah Elizabeth." Christine hadn't taken her eyes off the group but tied her apron to go out and face the music and it was not going to be a pleasant experience. Christine nodded at Juan and grabbed a stack of menus. Gwen had gotten the table set up with glasses of water and had taken their drink orders before Christine made it to the table. When she walked up, Mike was picking at his hand; with no interest in the conversation around him. Christine felt her heart flutter and her stomach churning.

"My name is Christine; I'm your server today and here are your…"

"Oh, it's about time. I wonder every time why I come here. The food is good but the service is horrid…" The woman, next to Mike was rambling on but Christine wasn't paying any attention to her because Mike's head had snapped up as soon as she said her name and they had locked eye contact.

"Christie? Oh my God. How? The kids?" Mike had thrown his napkin down and stood up, completely ignoring everyone at the table, including his companion.

'Mike, who is this? She's just a waitress." Christine hadn't stopped looking at Mike from across the table.

"It's my…my wife."

"Oh, right, you told me. Now that you found her, you can get the divorce papers drawn up. Who would want to be married to that?" Several people from the party laughed loudly but Christine didn't care what they though. Christine sat the rest of the menus down and walked away. Helena Montgomery had made a point. The blonde made Christine look like a washed up hag. Christine went back into the kitchen to take a breath before she had to take their orders. She hadn't realized Mike had followed her. She was standing with her back to the wall and her head in her hands when she felt Mike touch her arm.

"Christie…I…I have so many questions. I've looked for you and the girls for the past six years and I've missed you all." Mike took her hands in his own, not caring who was watching.

"You missed us? Mike, maybe you missed the girls but she's…"

"It's not how you think. I don't care about her at all." Christine looked at Mike and noticed how tired and sad he seemed.

"So you've strung her along?"

"It's hard to explain. The kids?" Christine could see the look of agony on Mike's face. She had to tell him.

"The girls are okay. They will be excited to see you. But you need to…"

"I want to see them. Now. Where's your jacket? I'll talk to your boss and we'll…"

"Mike, listen. I was pregnant with twins when you called. I didn't tell you because I was mad at you because of Lucas. They are six now, Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth. I am so sorry. I tried to find you but I lost my military ID. I…what about Ms. Montgomery?"

"She can catch a ride with one of her friends. I want to…"

"I'm okay with you meeting the kids but your fiancé may not want you hanging out with me. I can't afford a divorce right now but I won't contest it. If you file, I will sign whatever paperwork. Courtney is eighteen so she gets to choose but we can work something out with Hannah and the twins."

Mike looked completely shocked and speechless. "I…Can we stall the divorce talk? And she isn't my fiancé."

"Fine. I will get another waiter take care of your table. It would be awkward to serve your…whatever she is…she doesn't want me around you obviously." Christine started to walk away from Mike but he caught her arm and pulled her to him.

"I promise, it isn't how it looks. I'm…miserable with her. I always only wanted you. I just hope you can forgive me because I still love you." Christine could see the pain in his eyes and it broke her heart. She lifted her free hand up and stroked his cheek. She had no idea what she was going to do.


	2. Chapter 2

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 2

Mike was miserable. He missed his old life. The one where he had a beautiful wife and three amazing kids. He was a right rear admiral, exactly where he wanted to be, career wise. He had just never imagined that he would reach that goal without Christine on his arm. And Helena Montgomery was not Christine. She was mean, spiteful, and shallow. Christine's opposite. The only thing Helena had going for her was that she was beautiful. And she knew it and used it.

Mike had accepted that Christine, Courtney and Hannah had died after getting back from the Med. Countless investigators and Mike had spent months looking for them and he finally had to just accept it. They had died. Helena had come about in one of Mike's weakest moments. He had been sitting in a bar alone, not drinking, just staring at his beer glass. It had been his and Christine's anniversary and he missed her and was terribly lonely. Helena was a charmer and before Mike even realized it, he was waking up in her bed, with the beautiful, naked woman beside him after a night of meaningless sex. He felt worthless.

He didn't realize it until a week later that she was the President's sister in law and by then, Helena had all but moved into his large townhouse that the government provided. He didn't need the five bedroom, four bathroom place but she had quickly taken it over, taking advantage of his loneliness. And because she was the President's sister in law, Mike couldn't just throw her out. Her most recent thing was giving Mike a lawyer's name to get Christine and his girls declared dead, legally. He just couldn't do it. She wanted an engagement ring and was always looking at bridal magazines. It was aggravating. That night they had a dinner date with her closest friends and Mike knew she had told them that she just knew that Mike would ask her to marry him. He had no intentions. He dressed in the suit that she insisted he wear and texted Tom, who hated Helena with a passion.

 _"What are you up to tonight? Helena has me going to some fancy dinner."_

 _"Just hanging with Sasha and the kids. Tell her no. Mike, you are admiral. Act like it. Toss her to the curb."_

 _"She's the President's sister in law. If I want to get the funding for the training facility, I have to behave."_

 _"The President can't stand her. Have fun at your boring dinner. I'll drink a root beer for you."_

 _"Thanks, friend."_

Mike finished getting ready and felt jealous of Tom's normal, happy life. He and Sasha had gotten married and had two young kids in addition to Sam and Ashley. Tom was happy. Helena came in just as Mike was finishing. She was wearing a fancy designer outfit and diamonds.

"Oh, that suit. You just look so handsome in it. So, one of the couples we are eating with is…" Helena droned on and Mike ignored her. He really didn't care about the other people they were dining with. He put his shoes on while she adjusted her hair, still talking incessantly.

"You ready to go? What vehicle are we taking?" Mike wanted the night over and so he walked out of their bedroom, with Helena following.

"Mine. I don't want them to see me in your old truck. Such a beater." Mike shook his head; the truck was only a couple years old and was perfect for him unlike Helena's Mercedes convertible. Getting folded up into it was always a painful experience. Mike helped Helena into the passenger seat and then got into the driver's seat. As soon as they got on the interstate, she was on her cellphone talking to someone about some gossip. He felt like the chauffer.

They got to the restaurant and were seated with all her friends. The first waitress, Gwen took their drink orders and got them bread and water. The wait for their menus seemed to take forever. Mike had no interest in the conversation going on around him and was picking at a scar on his hand. His head jerked up as soon as he heard a familiar voice and name.

"My name is Christine; I'm your server today and here are you're…"

Mike could hear Helena ranting at the waitress but he didn't hear or care what she said. He locked eyes with the love of his life. She looked so tired and sad but she had the same feisty personality she had always had. He didn't remember announcing that she was his wife and he ignored Helena yelling at him as he followed Christine into a kitchen area. She was standing against a wall with her head in her hands. Mike touched her arm to get her attention and took her hands in his own. The next five minutes shocked him in a way that he had never been shocked. His girls were alive. He had twins he hadn't met. And he had a wife who was all too aware that he had cheated on her but despite that she had treated him with love and kindness. He heard her talking to her boss who insisted she take the rest of the night off. As she was gathering her purse and jacket, Mike went out to speak with Helena, which was interesting.

"Helena, I have to go with Christine. Here are your keys. I don't know when I'll be home but…"

"I'm guessing you and I are done? I'll be moved out tomorrow." Helena threw a dismissive hand at him and continued on, "Just remember, she's all washed up. You have the opportunity to have me and you're choosing…that. I'm sure my brother in law will have something to say about this."

"I'm sure. Take your time. And as far as Christine is concerned, she's the mother of my children. That means a lot." Mike stood up from his kneeling position and threw Helena's keys at the table. He really didn't care what she said or did at that point. His reputation would stand for itself where the President was concerned and he knew he would have Tom in his corner. That meant a lot. Mike made his way back to the kitchen where he was waiting on Christine, when the chef walked up to him and grabbed his arm.

"We all think a lot of Christine so if she gets hurt; well, I'll find you and I'm not joking. She may be able to forgive you being here with another woman because she wants her kids to have their father but I won't forget it. She's my friend and I won't let her be made into a fool." Juan had ahold of Mike's arm, and while Mike could have easily wrestled away from him, he decided not to. Christine apparently had some good friends.

"Understood. I won't be hurting her. I love her."

"So you say." Juan let go of Mike's arm and walked away. Christine came back in just then, wearing her coat and with her purse on her arm. She gestured at him to follow her out to a rundown van that had probably seen better days fifteen years before. Mike choose not to remark on it but looked at Christine when she popped the hood and grabbed a gallon of water from the rear. He grabbed the gallon and put the water in for her because he refused for Christine to have to do it herself.

"I think there is something wrong with the thermostat but I don't know. I just keep adding water and so far it's not left me stranded." Christine took the empty gallon and put it in the back while Mike shut the hood. He got in the passenger seat and looked in the back. There were kid's paraphernalia in the backseats and a backpack that probably belonged to one of his older daughters. Seeing items that belonged to them made Mike smile. He couldn't wait to see the girls and meet his twins.

"I'll look at it. How far to your place?" Christine had gotten into the driver's seat and started the van. Mike could hear several mechanical issues without even really listening for them. He would be buying Christine a new vehicle, regardless of how things turned out for the two of them. He couldn't let her transport his children in a van that was barely operable.

"Just a mile or so. It's not in a good area but the rent is affordable." Mike nodded at her and realized how nervous he was. Within a couple minutes, they pulled up outside an apartment building. Mike felt horrible. It was in the worst neighborhood in St. Louis and was more rundown than Christine's van. She led him in and they started walking up several flights of stairs. "I'm on the fourth floor and there isn't an elevator. Sorry."

"It's okay. Will the kids be here? I'm kind of at a loss where they are concerned. Tell me about them?"

"Well, Courtney is graduating high school and is enrolled in the community college. She wants to go to regular college but I can't do that. She wants to be a doctor. Hannah just turned fifteen. She helps with the kids a lot and is just a joy all the way around. Mikey, whose four minutes older, is a typical six year old boy. I wish he had a backyard to play in because he is very rambunctious. He loves baseball and soccer. Sarah Elizabeth is all little girl. She likes anything pink and wants to take ballet. They are in kindergarten."

"Do they know about me?" They had gotten to the third floor and Christine paused for a minute. She wasn't sure how Mike would feel about the twins but he seemed interested at least.

"I've told them. Hannah and Courtney have also talked about you a lot. I think you'll be fine with them, if you want to be."

"I…want in their lives. I want to be their dad and everything that goes along with it. I've missed you all, a lot. Helena was…"

"Mike, stop. You and I need to concentrate on the kids. If there is an us, we have things to work through. Big things. I get that you aren't happy with her and I am sorry for that. I wanted you to be happy. But I also heard what she said. I'm a that and she's…whatever she is to you. I don't compare." They had stopped completely on the stairwell leading up to her apartment and were just talking.

"The only reason…"

"Mike, the kids will hear us. The walls are paper thin. I would prefer they not know about her, at least right now. I think the two older girls have some sort of fairy tale going that you would show back up and move us out of here immediately and we would be one big happy family. They don't need to know about your plus one right now."

"Christi, I broke up with her. When I took her keys back. She's moving out of my place tomorrow. Like I said before, it wasn't quite what it looked like."

"Did you love her?" Mike could see the pain in Christine's face and knew his next answer was pivotal. If he said no, it meant that the relationship had been about sex. If he said yes, it would completely alienate Christine.

"I loved the idea of having someone at home. Someone to talk to, eat with, sleep next to and about a hundred other things. I just picked the wrong someone. No, I didn't love her and if the truth were known, she only loved my rank."

"But can I still be that person for you? I'm not a thirty year old blonde with fake…whatevers."

"I want you to be that person. And I don't care how old you are or what you're hair color is. As far as fake whatevers, trust me, I'd rather have you. Look, I get that you're angry and you have the right to be. I had given up hope and she and I only have been together for a few months. And there has been no one else, I swear."

"I don't know what to think, Mike. I do believe that she was the only one and I can tell how unhappy you are. You have two daughters who have missed you like crazy and a son and daughter who have yet to meet you. Let's just concentrate on them, okay? And please don't judge the apartment. Rent is high."

"About that…" They had reached her apartment door and she unlocked it and then knocked on it.

"Mike, kids. Hannah, chain. I'm home." Mike heard the chain being taken off and the door open. He was so nervous he felt like he might throw up but Christine grabbed his arm and pulled him in with her. He was looking right at Hannah and her eyes had gone huge.

"Dad?" Mike's arms were filled with the tiny fifteen year old that was sobbing and laughing all at the same time. Courtney came around the corner at the same time and before he even realized it; he was holding both of them and sobbing. He could hear Christine talking to two younger children but he was fixated on the two daughters that he knew. They stood for the longest time, hugging, crying and kissing before Mike pulled away so that he could meet his twins who were sitting on the couch with Christine and watching every move he made.

Sarah Elizabeth looked exactly like Christine but with curly brown hair with just a little blonde in it. She was wearing some sort of princess get up and was absolutely adorable. Mikey reminded Mike a lot of Lucas at that age, scrawny with hair that wouldn't be managed with a comb and band aids on his knees and elbows. Mike had already fallen completely in love with the two of them and he hadn't even spoken to them.

"Hi, guys, I'm your dad. I am so glad to finally meet you." Mike had sat down next to Christine so that the kids didn't feel threatened in the least. Both of them looked at him in wonder. The only interruption was Courtney stomping her foot loudly in the kitchen.

"Roach! Yuck, gross!" Both Christine and Mike started laughing because they could see her almost gagging as she picked it up and threw it away. Sarah Elizabeth stood up and very quietly sat on Mike's lap, not saying a word. Mikey watched them for a minute and then joined his sister on Mike's lap. It made Mike smile and Christine nodded at him. He knew the bonding process would be a painful one for all involved but Mike was just thrilled that Christine was allowing him to meet the two young children considering how he had hurt her.

The older two girls were fixing dinner and Christine eventually handed him a book to read to the younger two kids who were still on his lap. She got up to help Hannah and Courtney and Mike was left with the two small children. The apartment had an open concept living room, kitchen and tiny dining area and he was only seeing two bedrooms and a single bathroom. He finished the book about the same time dinner was put on the table and Hannah took the kids into the bathroom to get washed up. He was impressed with how good she was with them and how mature both girls were. Even the twins seemed to be old souls. Courtney had excused herself for a moment and he looked over at the plates that Christine was dishing up. Her plate barely had anything on it; while his and the kids had healthy portions.

"Christi, eat. I'm not that hungry." Christine smiled at him and added a spoonful of potatoes on her plate. He helped her dish up the rest of the food while the kids were getting ready to eat. The food, while slightly sparse was nutritious and appealing to young children. Mike was not thrilled with the amount that was still on Christine's plate but he figured it was normal. She had always been on the more petite side but now she was very thin. The two older girls and the twins came out to eat. Christine had seated Mike next to her with Mikey on her other side and Sarah Elizabeth on his other side.

He was shocked at how regimented the meal was with two six year olds. Christine asked about their day at school and both kids talked about their various activities. Sarah Elizabeth was practically begging to go to ballet and normally Mike would have just insisted that he would pay for it but he didn't want to alienate Christine right off.

"Hey, Mom. I talked to my math teacher. She says I need a graphing calculator and I will need it for college. They are about a hundred dollars. Here's the brand name." Mike saw the defeated look that Christine had but he took the paper from Courtney. Christine had an embarrassed look on her face but didn't say anything.

"I'll figure it out, honey. I'll talk to Mr. McAllister and see if I can pick up a shift next week at the dry cleaner's." Christine took the paper out of Mike's hand but he had memorized what Courtney needed. He had to walk to the local Wal-Mart to get some clothing for the night and he would pick it up then.

"Christi, how many jobs do you have?" He turned towards her after cutting up Sarah Elizabeth's chicken for her and getting a sweet smile from the little girl.

"I…it's just a couple part time jobs. Nobody wants to hire full time anymore. As long as me or the kids don't get sick, I'm fine." Mike was completely disgusted with himself.

"I'll call first thing Monday and have you added back onto my benefits package. When you say a couple, how many?" Mike noticed the look between his older girls but they seemed to want Christine to answer.

"Two…no three. I help with breakfast and lunch at Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth's school, and then when I get done, I work a couple hours at a dry cleaner's and then the restaurant."

"Plus, she helps down at the grocery store, three days a week and sits with Mr. Miller's wife so he can get out for a couple hours." Courtney added in and was looking at Mike right in the eye. He turned towards Christine with a look of shock.

"Mike, I will discuss all this with you later. I don't like them to know." Christine gestured at the two younger kids and he knew to drop the subject. He nodded at her in silent agreement.

Hannah helped Christine with dishes while Courtney gave the twins their baths. They seemed to have a routine and Mike felt like he was an interloper. Courtney had finished with the baths and so Mike drafted her to walk with him to get his clothes so he could stay with Christine and the kids. As he was walking out the door, Christine handed him money to get milk, bread and eggs. He grabbed his suit coat and put the money back on the counter. Courtney nodded at him, seeing what he had done and they walked out with a promise that they would be back in an hour.

"So, that suit? You look super uncomfortable. That thing costed like, what a couple thousand bucks?" Courtney was walking beside him and Mike thought about getting onto her but she had a right to know.

"Court, yes, the suit costed a lot of money and I hate it. Things have been weird for me and I hate seeing you all living like this." He saw the understanding in Courtney's eyes and pulled her closer as they walked by a couple gang bangers.

"So, what's going to happen? Mom's…proud."

"I will tell you want I want to happen. I want to move you guys into my house and get you enrolled in a college, get Sarah Elizabeth her ballet lessons, Mikey will get his backyard and Hannah will get whatever Hannah wants."

"What about Mom?" Mike hesitated including Christine. He wanted her there with them but he wouldn't take her kids from her and he wouldn't force her to forgive him. As much as Christine didn't want Courtney to know about him cheating on her; Mike owed the girl honesty.

"Alright, I am going to tell you something. Your mom knows so it isn't a secret but she didn't want you kids to know. A couple months ago; I met a woman. Her name is Helena. She and I got involved but I have been miserable. She is your mom's polar opposite. I've been lonely and I've missed you guys terribly. Helena took advantage of that and moved in. She's difficult. As soon as I found your mom I ended things with her but she needs this weekend to move out of my place. As I said, your mom knows and she's hurt. She didn't want you all to know and I am asking that you not tell the younger kids. The twins won't understand it and Hannah may not either. I promise, it's over. I want back with your mom but I won't force her to forgive me or love me." They had reached the store and Mike paused and looked down at Courtney. He couldn't get a read on what she was thinking or feeling.

"And it's over, over? You can't string Mom along. If you do that, then you and I will have problems. I can understand why you would do what you did but if you continue it; then you'll really hurt Mom and she deserves better. You have to treat her well because if you don't, I won't ever speak to you again." Mike looked down at his oldest daughter and he knew she was dead serious. He put his arm around her and nodded at her. He had only gotten her back and he wasn't about to ruin his relationship with her.

Mike grabbed the pajamas pants, a pack of boxers, t-shirts and socks along with a pair of tennis shoes that would have to suffice for a day or so. Courtney had gotten the milk, bread and eggs that her mom needed and Mike made his way to the aisle that would have the calculator Courtney needed.

"Where are we going, Dad? I thought we were done." Courtney looked confused.

"Well, you need a calculator for school, don't you? " Courtney grinned at him broadly and tossed the one she needed in the cart. Mike also grabbed personal hygiene products and a set of clothes for the next day. Courtney helped him pick out small gifts for her brother and sisters and even a bouquet of flowers for Christine. He wanted something nicer for her but also didn't want to come back empty handed where she was concerned. He got Mikey a soccer ball, Sarah Elizabeth a stuffed animal that Courtney said that she would want and a cook book for Hannah. He knew better than to indulge them but Mike wanted to just love on them.

After all the purchases were made, Mike and Courtney made their way back to the apartment. Mike was just excited to spend the night with his wife and kids. Hannah and Courtney were too old to be tucked in but Mike would be able to at least kiss them goodnight and he would be able to watch Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth fall asleep. For the first time in years, Mike was somewhat happy. He hoped that he and Christine could work things out too.

Christine had let the two younger kids stay awake until Mike and Courtney got back to the apartment and they were both thrilled with their gifts. Hannah gave him a hug for her cookbook and Christine had tears in her eyes when she saw the flowers. It struck Mike that Helena would have been mad if he had bought her a bouquet of flowers from Wal-Mart, while Christine was ecstatic. Mike desperately wanted to spoil Christine and he was going to recruit Courtney to help. He had figured out that the two older girls shared one room while the twins slept with Christine in the other room. He was fine to sleep on the couch but Sarah Elizabeth had other ideas.

"Mommy, I want Daddy to sleep next to me." Christine and Mike were settling the two kids down and Mike looked across the bed at Christine. He wasn't sure what her reaction would be.

"Okay. Mikey, you okay with Daddy sleeping in her with us?" The little boy was nodding at Christine. He wanted to sleep with his soccer ball and Sarah Elizabeth had her stuffed animal under her arm. It had amazed Mike how accepting the two of them were.

Mike got his wish that night. He was able to tuck in the twins and kiss his girls goodnight. He had anticipated a long talk with Christine but she was exhausted and as soon as Hannah and Courtney went to sleep, Mike found himself next to Sarah Elizabeth with the little girl cuddled into Mike. Christine was on Mikey's other side and they both had their arms wrapped around the twins. The cramped bed was as far from his luxurious bed back at his house with the thousand thread count sheets that Helena had insisted on having but Mike couldn't be happier.

"Mike, thank you. I love you."

"I love you too. And thank you for this. This is incredible." Christine smiled at him and leaned over the sleeping kids to take Mike's hand. They both fell asleep holding hands from across the twins.


	3. Chapter 3

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 3

Mike woke up as Christine was getting ready for work. It wasn't even six and she was tying her hair back using the mirror on her dresser. He repositioned Sarah Elizabeth and realized that the ever present nightmare that had been a part of every night for the past five and a half years hadn't happened that night. He had slept all night and felt amazing. He stood up and kissed the top of Christine's head. She gestured to follow her out in the living room and after covering the twins up with a blanket, he followed her out.

"So, I work at the dry cleaner's today and then I promised Mr. Miller that I would sit with Rose for a couple hours so he can go to store and have some time to himself. She had dementia. Lives across the hall so I'll be close. There's a park down the block that Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth like going to if you would want to do that. Hannah can help you. Courtney is studying for her S.A.T's today so she'll be homebound. I should be done by about four. Did you have other plans?" Christine was fixing herself a bagel and had a pot of coffee on.

"No. I'll take them to the park. I told Helena to take the weekend to move out of my place. She said she would be out today. I would like for you all to move in with me."

"Mike, I think that's the end goal but until I feel a little more secure I would prefer the kids and I stay here and I stay working. I don't want them to get adjusted to your house and having you around all the time and then have you decide you'd rather have Helena. I know you said that you were miserable with her and wanted me but I am scared that you will realize you've traded in your thirty year old blonde bombshell girlfriend for me with our four kids and my gray hair and stretch marks. Easing back into this is the best for the kids because it will break their hearts if they get attached to a house and having you all the time and then you walk away. I know this isn't what you want and you can stay here with the kids and I as often as you want. I just don't want to change their routines too much."

"I understand. I won't be changing my mind though. I just hope someday you can forgive me. I do have one request."

"I already have and what's the request?"

"I want to buy you a better vehicle. That van, I realize is the best you could do, but it's not dependable and I don't want you stranded in this neighborhood."

"I can live with that. Some sort of van or SUV? Doesn't have to be new or even nice." Christine handed him a cup of coffee and was eating her breakfast and drinking her coffee as they talked.

"Sure, I'll make some calls today. Anything I need to be concerned where the twins are concerned? Allergies and such?"

"Nope. Mikey is rambunctious. He'll skin his knees and elbows, I'm sure. I need to get to work. Have a good day." Christine leaned down and gave Mike a hug and he realized how much he had missed her smell, the way her shoulder was so soft and the way her small body just seemed to fit in his arms. It was like she was custom made just for him. She started to pull away but ended up giving him a kiss. With Helena, her kisses were not something Mike looked forward to or enjoyed but with Christine, it just felt right. Things hadn't felt right with Helena. Christine finally pulled away but only because she had to get to work and Sarah Elizabeth had walked out of the bedroom.

"Hey, Curly Sue. You slept really good last night. Daddy makes a good pillow doesn't he?" Christine had picked Sarah Elizabeth up and was carrying the little girl to Mike. Her little head was nodding and she was still holding the stuffed animal Mike had gotten for her the night before. Mike's heart absolutely melted when he seen her in Christine's arms, in her pink nightgown and bare feet. Christine gently sat her in Mike's lap and kissed the top of her head.

"Yeah! Can we sleep like that again?" Sarah Elizabeth looked between her parents expectantly.

"I would love that. Christi, do you have stuff for pancakes?"

"Yeah. The girls will love it if you make them. I never could master them. I have got to get going. Love you both." She kissed Sarah Elizabeth's forehead and Mike's cheek. After she left, Mike picked the little girl up and stood up. He sat her on the kitchen island and found the ingredients for pancakes. Sarah Elizabeth watched him mixing the batter up and seemed to get happier knowing there would be breakfast soon. Mike's trick to pancakes was that he snuck a tablespoon of vanilla into the batter, along with a little brown sugar and cinnamon. Before the Red Flu and the deployment to the Arctic, he got up early every Saturday and made pancakes for the kids. They had loved them. As Mike was going through Christine's kitchen cabinets; he realized how bare they were. He would respect Christine's wishes and allow her and the kids to stay at the apartment as long as it took, but she would be provided for and not have any concerns.

Courtney came out next and looked thrilled when she saw Mike making the pancakes, she quickly got Mikey and Hannah up and the two older girls dressed the younger kids for the day. By the time, the kids were all dressed, the pancakes were ready and Mike ate breakfast with the four kids. The twins were huge fans of the pancakes and his older girls devoured them. Courtney had to stay home and study but Hannah would help Mike with the twins at the park. Hannah packed a backpack with bottled water, snacks, a first aid kit and sunscreen. Mike made sure his oldest daughter had all she needed for the day and then he and Hannah took the twins by the hand to walk to the park.

As Christine predicted, Mikey reskinned his knees and one of his elbows and Sarah Elizabeth skinned up an elbow. Mike was impressed with how good Hannah was with them. His mind had been in overdrive, wanting to fix things with Christine, bond with the twins, and spend time with his older daughters. As unhappy as he had been with Helena, he knew that she had loved him; or thought she had. He wanted to do right by her while still severing the tie with her. Hannah's sweet spirit was soothing to Mike. She took nothing for granted and appreciated everything that Mike tried to do. He could understand why Christine depended on her the way she did. Courtney was a good student with big plans and dreams while Hannah just wanted to help her mom. As Mike was helping Mikey on the jungle gym, his phone rang and he saw Tom's number. He immediately answered because Tom needed to know about Christine and the girls.

 _"Hey, I saw Helena moving suitcases out of your house. Is she going on some fancy trip and where are you?"_

 _"She's moving out."_

 _"What? What happened?"_

 _"Well, that dinner I had to go to last night? Guess who the waitress was?"_

 _"No idea?"_

 _"Christine."_

 _"What? Wow! The girls? Please tell me they're alive?"_

 _"They are. Plus two."_

 _"Plus two? Two what?"_

 _"Twins. A boy and girl. They're six. Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth."_

 _"I'm in shock. Christi was pregnant when you left?"_

 _"Yeah. When I called from the Arctic, she was mad about Lucas. She didn't tell me but I honestly don't care now. All that matters is her and the kids. She doesn't seem angry now. Upset about Helena, obviously. That cut pretty deep. And of course, Helena didn't help at all. She called Christine a 'that.'"_

 _"Sounds like Helena. What can I do?" Mike had to smile at Tom's willingness to help. Tom and Sasha had hated Helena with a passion._

 _"Well, I need my truck brought to me. Christi doesn't trust me, rightfully so. I can spend as much time with her and my kids but she doesn't want to quit any of her five jobs or move out of the dump of the apartment until she knows that I'm done with Helena. So I'll be staying on here. I need my truck and some clothes. I also need the dealership name where you got Sasha's SUV. I need to get Christi something similar. Also could you watch my house? It was a little too easy with Helena." Mike had stepped away so the kids didn't hear the conversation and Hannah had taken over watching over the twins._

 _"I always watch your house. As soon as she's moved out I will go over and check things over. I have your spare key. Text me her address and I will bring the truck to you as soon as Ash gets home to watch my kiddos. Your spare key is in the kitchen, right? I'll call the guy that sold us her vehicle and have him get ahold of you. He gave me a good deal on it and I'm sure you'll get the same deal. I'll grab a couple uniforms, your shaving kit and whatever else while I'm at your house. Make sure Helena didn't tear anything up so Christine doesn't have to deal with it when you get her and the kids moved in, whenever that is."_

 _"I appreciate it. More than you realize. Christi's neighborhood is pretty rough so just be prepared." Mike was completely humbled by Tom's offer to make Christine's transition easier._

 _"No problem at all. I'll be there about four or so."_

 _"See ya then."_

Mike hung up and caught Mikey mid-air. The little boy had jumped off the jungle gym and laughed when Mike caught him. He was definitely rambunctious and Mike was foreseeing a lot of Emergency Room runs with him. Sarah Elizabeth may have been dressed in pink and all about her dollies but she also didn't mind getting dirty. Mike was well aware that it would be the twins that would tie and bind him and Christine back together and he was thrilled to know them better.

About noon, he and Hannah took the twins to a pizza place and enjoyed their lunch together. Mike ordered Courtney a small personal sized pizza and headed back to the apartment. He wasn't thrilled with how unsafe the neighborhood was and how some of the gang bangers looked at his very pretty fifteen year old but he also loved the small community feel of it. Hannah and the twins spoke to several people who knew them on a first name basis and one shopkeeper gave Mikey a new baseball and Sarah Elizabeth a new doll. It was obvious that his kids were well loved in the community.

When they got back to the apartment, Courtney had her schoolbooks spread across the kitchen table. Mike sit the small pizza in front of her with the drink Hannah told him she'd like. She thanked him but barely looked up because she was completely engrossed in her book. It was on some sort of math that looked more like a foreign language to Mike. She had opened the box and was eating a piece of the pizza while still studying. The girl had definitely gotten her brains from her mother which was a good thing.

Hannah made the twins lay down for a nap and she had her own homework to do. Christine came back at one from her shift at the dry cleaner's to grab something to eat, change clothes and go to the neighbor's to watch over his ailing wife. Mike got the drift that it was something that Christine just did out of the goodness of her heart, another thing Helena would never do.

"Mike, if you want to come over with me; you can. The girls are studying and the twins are sleeping. Rose will be napping but if not; it isn't a big deal if you're there. I know Edwin will want to meet you. He served in the Korean War, a Marine." Christine was quickly making herself a sandwich and grabbed an apple. She was moving stiffly and Mike knew she was already tired.

"Sure. Tom is bringing me my truck after four along with some clothes. I would like to stay here as much as possible if that's okay?"

"Absolutely. Sorry I was so abrupt this morning. I'm just scared that now that I have you back, I'll lose you again. And I worry about the kids more so. I have nothing to offer you like Helena did. All I have is four kids and one that has died and the fact that you and I have been together since you were thirteen and I was twelve. Aside from deployments; that's over thirty years. I am not ready to just call it quits but I am also not the looker that Helena is. I never was. My whole goal in life was to be a wife and mom." Mike wrapped an arm around Christine and nodded.

"And you have been an excellent one. We do this at your pace. I'm the one that screwed up and so we do this exactly how you want. As far as you not being a looker; you are beautiful to me. But more so, I love your heart. Very few women would be so forgiving. And the fact that you have given me five beautiful children is even more appealing." Christine smiled at him and kissed his cheek. He stood up and checked on the twins who were sleeping in the double sized bed they had shared the night before. Christine instructed the older girls on some things that she needed done while she and Mike were at the Miller's and they walked across the hall. Christine walked in after knocking. She and Mike were greeted by an elderly man that exuded being a Marine with his high and tight haircut and dark black coffee.

"Edwin, this is my husband, Mike. I mentioned him to you." The old man nodded at Christine but seemed to be sizing Mike up. His handshake was firm and he looked at Mike with a look that would have scared most men. Mike could only imagine the type of man Edwin had been in his prime. Without a doubt, one hell of a Marine.

"Nice to meet you. I hope you plan on treating your little lady well? She's a treasure. Christine, Rosie is having a rough day. She's carrying the baby doll around that Sarah Elizabeth gave her and pretending its Eddie. I'll go to the market and to the hardware store and be back. Do you or the kids need anything?"

"No. We are good. Thanks." Edwin nodded at Christine, grabbed his jacket and kissed a tiny white haired woman on the head. She was sitting in a rocking chair with a swaddled baby doll, singing to it and rocking it like she was trying to get it to sleep. Edwin whispered something in her ear and she nodded at him before he left. Mike was struck by how sad but beautiful the scene was.

Rose didn't talk just sang to the baby doll. Mike didn't feel right about talking to Christine with Rose being awake so he helped Christine clean the apartment. As tired as she seemed, she cleaned the entire apartment vigorously. She also made a couple casseroles up and fixed Rose a snack of the apple that she had grabbed at her own apartment along with some peanut butter crackers and apple juice. It was a snack that she might fix for her six year old twins and not a woman in her seventies. Mike was touched by how gently Christine handled the very frail woman, even when it was time for Rose to the bathroom, Christine handled very gently. About three, Edwin showed back up with a couple bags of groceries and another bag from the hardware store. Mike could tell Edwin was still checking him out and felt almost like he was meeting Christine's dad all over again. Her dad had been dead for many years but it felt almost the same, except for the fact that her dad hadn't been a Marine. Mike would just have to prove that he would love and protect Christine.

By the time they went back to the apartment, the twins were awake and the girls were done studying. Tom knocked on the door with a startled look on his face due to the environment. As soon as he seen Christine, he gave her a huge hug. He had brought Mike a bag that Sasha had apparently packed. His uniforms for the week, along with shoes, undershirts, boxers and socks were in one suitcase. In another duffel bag were shower supplies, his shaving kit, cellphone charger, book and schedule book. Mike was thankful that they had thought of so much. Mike walked Tom out to Sasha, who was waiting on him.

"You okay? Rough neighborhood you're staying in." Tom asked Mike as they walked down the stairs.

"Yeah. Just a hoop I have to jump through. I really don't figure it will be too long before I get Christine and the kids moved into my house but until then I am here. Hannah and Courtney can't walk through this neighborhood alone."

"I was a little worried about leaving Sasha down there but she has little Jed with her and it is Sasha. Now she's a mama bear. I wouldn't cross her. By the way, I spoke to Helena. She said that she will finish moving out in the morning. She says no hard feelings and when she saw Christine, she knew her time with you is over. I think she kind of respects it, honestly. Probably the first time in her life that Helena has been unselfish. And the President knows. He said he and the First Lady understand and would expect you to make the decision you did. Helena told me that someday she hopes that she can find someone who loves her the way you love Christine. I still don't trust her though." They had reached the first floor and Mike nodded at him. He didn't trust Helena either.

"Just, if you don't mind, check the house over when she leaves. She is spiteful. Did you talk to the car dealer?" They had reached the first floor and were walking out the door.

"I did. He has a 2019 Chevy Tahoe. Said it's in perfect condition. Fully loaded. Sent me a couple pictures and it is nice. Black with leather interior. I'd drive it. Not sure it's a good idea for this neighborhood. Sasha has his number and I'll give it to you when I get to the car. He said he could get it for fifteen thousand which is unbelievable for that type of vehicle."

"Sold. I'll call him. Thanks for the help." They reached the car, and Mike waved at Jed who was waving at him vigorously from his car seat. Sasha looked ready to get out of the neighborhood but smiled at Mike.

"I am so glad you found your family. I can't wait to meet them." Tom grabbed the business card from Sasha and gave it to Mike.

"You will soon. Thanks. Call if you all need anything." Tom gave Mike a quick hug and got in the car. Mike waved at them as they drove away and then headed back inside the apartment. He was ready to start putting the pieces of his family back together.


	4. Chapter 4

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 4

The air conditioner broke in Christine's apartment that night. It was absolutely sweltering but the kids and Christine acted like it was the most normal thing in the world. They had fans for every room but the windows couldn't be opened. Mike considered packing his wife and the kids up and taking them to his large house with a working air conditioner but he had to respect Christine's wishes. The girls were wearing their thinnest pajamas, Mikey just had a pair of gym shorts on and Christine was in a cotton nightgown. Mike ended up showering and putting a pair of cotton pajama pants on. The kids had gone to bed an hour before and Christine was sitting at the kitchen island paying bills. Mike sit down next to her and she immediately noticed the scar on his bicep, where he had been shot by one of the Immunes, and then her eyes drifted down to where he had been stabbed in Sardinia.

"What happened? Those weren't there before." Christine's face was line with worry for him.

"I was shot a couple years ago and then stabbed a couple years after that. Long story and I will tell you sometime. Do you need any help with these?" Mike pointed towards the bills and Christine didn't look satisfied with his answer.

"And your forearm? That's your blood type, isn't it? It's carved into your skin, Mike." She ran her finger along his forearm in pure concern. It amazed him that she seemed to have noticed every new scar on his body. Helena had never asked or cared.

"I was a P.O.W. Due to some chemical warfare the cure was altered, so they took me and a group of other sailors hostage. They used our blood to stave off the Red Flu since we had the unaltered cure in our blood. It was complicated. How do you notice all these new scars?"

"We grew up next door to each other. We shared a crib while our mothers played cards with their friends and Mom had pictures of us in the bathtub when I was three and you were four. I know your body as well as I know my own. It must have been terrible for you?" Mike had to smile at the shared history. He and Christine had been raised together and they started 'dating' when they were in middle school. He had kissed her when they were still in grade school and they had married right after she graduated from high school.

"It wasn't pleasant. I never gave it a lot of thought though. Was too worried about you and the girls. Now back to these, can I help you?" Mike pointed back at the bills which had several 'Past Due' stamps on them.

"This is my mess. I can't expect you to fix it. Uh…here, Courtney needs fifty bucks to take her S.A.T's. She doesn't need to take the test for community college but she still has her heart set on an actual college and medical school. If you wanted to take care of that, it would help." Christine handed him the letter and envelope from school. Mike stood up and got his checkbook and checked his balance. He had more than enough to pay off all of Christine's bills and have more than enough left over to support his family. He just had to be careful of offending Christine.

"Well, it might be your mess but you are still my wife and those are my kids, so I'm partly responsible for the mess. Please, let me help you?" Mike sit back down next to her and grabbed her pen and the bill for Courtney's test. He wrote out the check and put it in the envelope for Courtney to take to school with her Monday. "What next?"

"Light bill?" Christine handed him the bill, the cutoff date was Tuesday so he would take it to the drop off box the next day. He wrote that check out and put it in the envelope that Christine handed him.

"When is your rent due?" Mike wanted his family moved in with him but if he needed to pay another month, he would.

"The first. So two weeks." Christine was sorting through the other bills and handed Mike a small one for a cellphone. Mike could have easily grabbed all the bills and paid them but he wanted Christine to have some control.

"I'll be honest, I want you all moved into my house by then but if you aren't ready for that, I'll pay your rent for the month. And the next month and the month after, as long as it takes."

"Can you afford that?" Mike opened up the ledger for his checkbook and handed it to Christine. She let out a low whistle and handed it back to him. It actually made him feel terribly. "How did you… Sorry I shouldn't ask you that."

"It's okay. You have a right to know. I was promoted. I'm a Right Rear Admiral now. It comes with all sorts of perks that I don't particularly care for including a five bedroom, four bath house. I hated that house but now I'm thinking about how you'll decorate it, and Mikey playing soccer in the backyard. Hannah will love the kitchen and Courtney will have a good place to study. Sarah Elizabeth can have that puppy she was begging me for earlier and you can have whatever you want. There's a pool and a hot tub and a…"

"Laundry room? Is there a laundry room?" Mike had to laugh at the look of hope in Christine's eyes. She was a very simple woman.

"Yes. A good sized one. And a pantry too. I also have an office downstairs. I don't use it but the natural lighting is good. You could paint again? I need some of your pictures to decorate with." Mike could tell Christine's mind was spinning and it was adorable. He just wanted things to be right with her again. "So, as badly as I want you and the kids there, I want it to be right. I know I hurt you and I appreciate the concern and compassion you are showing. Most women would have not been like this. What I did was unforgivable and…"

"No, Mike. You thought I was dead. You moved on. Exactly what I would have wanted if I had died. You looked hard for us. I am sorry that the person that you moved on with wasn't what you wanted or that she didn't make you happy. I'm not sure I can give knowing that you have been with someone so beautiful. And I hurt you too." Mike noticed the downcast look in her eyes and knew she had stood up to put the bills away, he turned to where he could pull her as close as possible against his legs and held her gently around the waist.

"I have no idea why you think you hurt me. As far as you making me happy, you are the only woman I could ever be happy with. Without you, nothing worked. You are just as beautiful to me. Look wise, absolutely but it's more than that. It's the fact that we've shared five kids, and the biggest part of our lives. We've laughed together, cried together, made love to each other, and fought. I would love to do all those things again with you and only you. I would like to know why you think you hurt me? I know why you don't think you're beautiful and I intend on fixing that but I want to fix the other." Christine had moved to where she was more or less standing between his legs and Mike still had moved his hands up to her shoulders.

"I was absolutely horrible to you when you called and I told you about Lucas and I deliberately didn't tell you about the twins. I knew I was pregnant and obviously, they are yours. I was just so angry. At the point, I wanted a divorce. Now, I don't. I don't think I did as soon as I hung up. I withheld the knowledge of the twins existing and that was horrible. I wish I had an excuse or explanation for it but I don't." Christine's tears had overflowed and Mike was wiping the tears away and rubbing her shoulder.

"Why were you angry?"

"I guess at the time I thought that you could have prevented it somehow. Our baby boy died a horrible death and I have no idea why I thought you could have done something about it. I know better now, obviously but still…I don't know, Mike. I can't explain it. I am just so, so, sorry." There were no stopping the tears and Mike just hugged her close and just let her cry. He had never seen her so emotional. It was a little odd that it hadn't been over what he had done, but her perception of her wrong to him. He finally pulled away but kept his hands on her shoulders.

"Christi, it's okay. I knew you were hurting when I called. I was able to distance myself from Lucas' death for a couple years. You had to deal with it immediately and had to keep yourself, those babies and the girls alive. I don't know how you did it but, God, I love you for it. As far as not knowing about the twins, it was probably a good thing you didn't tell me. Had I known, I would have gone AWOL to find you and the kids, to be there for you. As badly as I wish I had been there for you and them, and as much as I regret the time I've lost with them and you, on a larger scale, I needed to be where I was at, doing what I did. I will regret that for the rest of my life but you, in a lot of ways, gave me a gift. Please don't feel that you hurt me by not telling me. You could easily not allow me to be a part of their lives and you are. That, to me, is beautiful. You have given me five, absolutely beautiful and perfect babies. I would let you walk all over me, to be a part of their lives. Even if we couldn't work us out, we still have those kids in there. Those four and the memory of Lucas bind us together. Not to mention our shared history. There hasn't been a time in my life that I remember, that you haven't been a part of. Even in the past six years. I may not have had you but you were still a part of my life. Seriously, Christi, it's okay." Mike had kept eye contact with Christine the entire time and the tears had subsided. Christine didn't say but leaned forward and kissed Mike. It was sweet but very passionate, making Mike wish they had more privacy in the apartment. There was no way that Christine was there yet; but having her body pressed into his, with her very thin nightgown, was distracting at best. More so than anything Helena would ever wear.

"Uh…If only I had an extra bedroom. Instead we have a double bed with two six year olds." Mike was slightly shocked by Christine's statement. He honestly didn't think she was ready for that part of their relationship.

"Soon. I hope anyway. I am a bit shocked that you're thinking along those lines though." Christine sat back on the other kitchen stool but grasped Mike hand.

"It's been a long time for me, Mike. I think I am realizing how much I missed you and this. Especially the talking. I know you've had Helena but…"

"Helena wasn't you. She and I didn't talk like this. I have a suggestion but only if you are okay with it."

"I'm listening?" Christine smiled at him and touched the side of his face.

"Courtney has another month or so before she graduates, correct? I think we both agree that she needs to finish the school year out at her school, and it would be better for Hannah and the twins. My thought is, I stay here with you all through the week and on the weekends, the kids and you come to my house. It would give them time to feel more at home. Adjust. Come, summertime, you all can move in completely." It was the best thing that Mike could think of, the only issue being Christine's many jobs.

"I think that's a good idea. When is Helena supposed to be moved out?"

"She told Tom, tomorrow morning. The house is furnished but I want you to make it your own. The kids can decorate their rooms as they wish." Christine nodded at him and looked towards the calendar as if she was trying to figure something out. "What are you thinking about?"

"Just figuring out a schedule. Work and all."

"About that, I know you don't feel real secure yet specifically concerning Helena, but you don't have to work five jobs. You don't even have to work one." Christine bit her lip and nodded. Something was on her mind.

"I know. I just…on the weekends, I watch Rose for Edwin. I can talk to him and see if he is okay with a different day. I also don't want to quit the school until the school year is over. It's my time with Sarah Elizabeth and Mikey. Aside from the Miller's and that, I am happy to quit the other jobs. I only worked at the restaurant to look for you or someone we knew; to find out what happened to you. Once we move, I will still want to look after Rose too."

"Sounds fine to me. Maybe you and I can slip away tomorrow afternoon. I have a lead on a vehicle for you. What are the plans?" Mike would have been okay with anything Christine wanted to do.

"Well, we go to church in the morning. I can clean out the van beforehand so you can take it and trade it for whatever vehicle. You won't get much for it but anything helps. You can do that while we're at church and I will talk to the girls about watching the twins. You and I can do something in the afternoon. Maybe go to your house so I can get an idea what is needed? Especially for the kids." Mike smiled at her and gave her another kiss. It all sounded perfect to him.

"That sounds good. Maybe lunch out?"

"Or, you meet me and the kids for lunch here? They need to feel included."

"You, my little lady, are an amazing wife and mother."

"My little lady? Where'd that come from?" Christine chuckled but stood up to go around the kitchen island.

"Edwin. I thought it sounded sweet. Wrong?"

"It's okay but Edwin would not like the sweet thing." Christine smiled at him as she put the supper dishes away.

"What happened to their son? Eddie?"

"Oh, that was so sad. They had to give him up for adoption. Kept him until he was about three months old. Not sure why they had to give him up but they never had other kids. Rose thinks that baby doll is her baby." Christine finished and shut the light off. Mike stood up to go into the bedroom with her and put his arm around her. The twins were in the middle of the bed and so Mike got in one side and Christine on the other. It was almost midnight but Mike felt a lot better, having talked with Christine.


	5. Chapter 5

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 5

Mike pulled the brand new Chevy Tahoe into the secured parking lot next to Christine's apartment building. He had moved the twin's booster seats into it at the car lot. It was fully loaded and really nice. Courtney was outside with Mikey, kicking a soccer ball around and smiled at Mike as he walked up with the sacks from the Chinese restaurant that the kids had requested.

"That's nice. Really nice. Did Mom know?" She grabbed Mikey's hand and they walked into apartment building and up the stairs. Mikey was carrying his soccer ball and was looking towards the bags Mike was carrying.

"She knew I was getting her something else but not that specifically." Courtney threw Mike an odd look and it made Mike wonder what was going through her mind.

"Just remember what I said, Dad. You have to treat her well." Mike nodded at her and put his extra hand out for Mikey and the little boy immediately took it. He wished he could figure things with Courtney. There was an odd undercurrent to their relationship that didn't exist before. It made Mike regret telling her about Helena but the undercurrent had been there before.

"We'll be fine. Will you and Hannah be okay with the twins this afternoon? We'll be home before bedtime."

"Yeah. I'm used to watching them when Mom's working. What are you doing?"

"Well, I want the house to be perfect for you guys and Mom and I are going to check it out so she can make it her own. Do you want anything special for your room?" Courtney gave him her best 'I'm not impressed, Dad' look. Mike couldn't win for losing.

"Your girlfr…" Mike shot her a look that instantly silenced her. Courtney may have been an adult but Mike was still the parent.

"Tom texted me earlier, she's out of the house and he checked it over so it will be okay for your mom to be there. Now, I told you because I believe you are mature enough to handle the information. Don't hold it over my head when it was a show of trust on my part. I get that I betrayed your mom but she is ready to forgive. I need the same from you." The lecture was a little harsher then what Mike wanted it be and thankfully Mikey was distracted by his soccer ball and was paying no attention to them.

"Whatever, Dad. I just don't want her hurt again and it would be really easy for you to do that right now. Mom is going to compare herself to that woman."

"I am well aware of that issue and I will take care of it. Now, we are here. Drop it." Mike opened the door and smiled at Hannah sitting on the floor trying to tame Sarah Elizabeth's curly hair. Courtney walked around him and looked back with an eye roll at Mike which annoyed him but his hungry wife and children were more important.

"Daddy, did you get fortune cookies? I like them. We had them at school." Sarah Elizabeth climbed up on the chair so she was closer to Mike's height and as soon as Mike sit the bags on the counter, he picked her up. She reminded him a lot of Courtney at that age.

"Yes, there are fortune cookies in there. Your sister is getting everything out and when you get done eating, you can have one of them and if you eat really good, you can have mine too. Where's Mom?" Hannah was getting the food out and had already sat the table. Mikey had gone to the bathroom and Courtney had gone into her bedroom.

"She's in her room, getting ready for your date." Hannah winked at Mike and he knew she was fine with their odd, little arrangement. He loved her sweet personality and couldn't wait for her to have a bit more of a normal childhood. Maybe that was the rough part with Courtney. She hadn't had normalcy for a long time. Mike sat Sarah Elizabeth down and dished up her plate and then dished Mikey's for him. Hannah had also sat down and was fixing her own plate and Courtney finally came back and grabbed the plate that had been set for her and put food on it.

"Aren't you eating out here with us, Court?" Hannah asked her suspiciously.

"No, I have to study." Courtney took her plate and headed back into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Mike immediately noticed that Hannah had an upset look on her face.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Christine came out and sat down beside Mike and looked over at Hannah, immediately picking up on Hannah's mood.

"It's just…I need to do laundry and study for my math test but I can't do that if I have to watch the kids and Courtney won't help." Hannah looked like she was near tears and Mike realized the weight that had been on the fifteen year old's shoulders. As much as he wanted the time alone with Christine; they needed to help her. Christine fortunately spoke up first.

"Alright, Mike, how about we leave Courtney here so she can study and take Hannah and the twins with us? She can study at your house and you said you have a laundry room? I can just do the laundry there if that's okay? Better than having to take it the basement anyway. It's not what we had planned but it'll work." Mike nodded at Christine and helped Mikey cut his chicken up. Hannah looked relieved and had calmed down a lot.

After they got done eating, Christine packed a tote bag with a swimsuit for Sarah Elizabeth, swimming trunks for Mikey, and Hannah's swimsuit, along with sunscreen. Mike took the laundry down the Tahoe, along with bag and Hannah's schoolbooks. He wanted Courtney to come along with them but she was in a pretty sour mood and he didn't want it to screw up the afternoon. When he came back into the apartment, Christine was standing at the bedroom door arguing with Courtney.

"Court, if you want to go with us, its fine, I'm sure your dad would love to have you along but not with this attitude. I realize things are a little odd right now but we are a family and we will be moving into your dad's house. We're just waiting for you to graduate and for the school year to end. And we want you with us. I realize you're eighteen but your dad will give you a chance at something more than community college. Just let him. Now, if you don't want to go with us, keep the living room door locked. There is plenty of Chinese food left for your supper. Here's my cellphone and your dad's is programmed in. You can call if you need anything and Mr. Miller is next door although I don't want you leaving the apartment." Christine shut the door and shook her head at Mike. She was just as frustrated as he was with Courtney.

"I hope I didn't misspeak about the college thing? That generally motivates Courtney." Christine grabbed her purse and Sarah Elizabeth's doll, Hannah had ahold of Mikey's hand and Mike took Sarah Elizabeth's hand. Mike triple checked the lock on the door as they headed out. He really hated leaving Courtney alone.

"It's fine. I want her to have a regular college education and will help her where scholarships and whatnot can't. It's kind of my own fault where she's concerned. I told her about my other situation, I thought she deserved the truth. It kind of backfired on me." Christine nodded at him and even rubbed his arm.

"It's probably a good idea to have told her. Just be patient with her. She is your daughter, through and through."

"Stupid genetics, I wish they were all just like you." Christine smiled at him; it had been an old joke.

"Oh, she has some of your positive attributes too. Like anyone; the negative overshadows it at times. No one's perfect." They had gotten outside and Christine gasped when she saw the Tahoe. "Oh, Mike, that is too nice. It must have costed a fortune." Christine reached over and kissed Mike's cheek over Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth. Hannah had let go of Mikey's hand to help an elderly lady up the stairs and Christine had grabbed it. She was trailing behind them and Mike heard her close the door behind them and then catch up with them. One of the gang banger's cat called her but Mike put his free arm around her and pulled her close.

"We can afford it. Don't worry about it. Hannah, stay close, please." Hannah nodded under his arm and it made Mike worry about his older daughter. If they figured out she was home alone, there were no telling what could happen and apparently Christine was thinking the same thing.

"Mike, I'm going upstairs and bringing Courtney down here with me. She'll go with us. They are particularly rowdy today." Christine gestured at the group of bangers and Mike nodded.

"Would you rather I did?"

"Nah, they'll leave me alone and I'll hurry. It's best you stay with Hannah and the twins." Mike nodded and Christine headed back inside while Mike headed the younger kids to the Tahoe. He hoped Courtney didn't argue too much. The twins settled into the Tahoe and into their booster seats and Hannah buckled them in and pulled her math book out and got in the very backseat.

Christine unlocked the apartment and barged into Courtney's room. The girl had her headphones off and Christine gently pulled them away. "You're going with us, period. The gang is rowdy tonight and it's not safe for you to be here alone. Pack a bag with your schoolbooks and some clothes. We may need to stay at Dad's for the night. Grab stuff for Hannah too." Thankfully, Courtney didn't argue and started putting her books and notebooks in a schoolbag while Christine got clothes for herself and the twins. Within ten minutes, they were both ready to go and Christine locked the door and knocked on the Miller's. Edwin opened the door and smiled at Christine and Courtney.

"How are my favorite ladies?"

"Good, Edwin. Listen, the gang is really acting up. We are going with Mike and may stay at his place for the night. I will call you and let you know for sure. I know they won't bother you but be careful." Edwin nodded at her and grabbed his keys. Rose was sleeping in her chair and he grabbed a handgun from a drawer and stepped out, locking the door behind him.

"I'll walk you downstairs. Where's Mike?" They started down the stairs and Christine and Courtney grabbed the man's arms to help him down the stairs. The gang was scared of the old man who had put the holstered gun on his belt before Courtney took his right arm.

"He's down with the kids. Courtney had stayed behind but I came back to get her. We'll be alright. I'm worried about you though."

"We'll be fine, young lady. That husband of yours had better treat you good or he'll have me to deal with. I maybe old but I can still bust someone just fine." Edwin was serious and Christine and Courtney both smiled. They had reached the front door but Edwin followed them out to the Tahoe. "Nice rig."

"Yeah, it is. I have my cellphone so call if you need anything. Love you, old man." Christine kissed Edwin on the cheek and Courtney gave him a hug before he walked away. Before they got to the Tahoe, Christine grabbed her arm.

"I appreciate you not fighting this and your dad told me that he had told you about Helena. He is your father and he felt you were old enough to understand the emotions at play. I agree you needed to know. Now, respect the choice he made and earn the respect he showed you. He is your father and he loves you and he's missed you. I get that what he did was unsavory but he did it out of loneliness and he regrets it. If I had died I would have wanted him to move on and be happy. He was miserable with her. If you want to be the adult, understand what he went through. He thought he had lost his entire family. I honestly don't know how he managed. Now when we get in the truck, get in on Dad's side; and tell him you're sorry for how you treated him earlier because I know you are. And an I love you wouldn't hurt too." Courtney nodded at her and Christine let her go. As Courtney climbed into the Tahoe, she hugged Mike from behind and whispered something in his ear. He had a look of shock on his face but kissed her cheek and whispered something back in her ear and she let him go and climbed back in next to Hannah.

Within fifteen minutes, Christine realized how different Mike's life had been compared to her own. Mike called his house a townhouse but it looked like a normal house to her. A beautiful two and a half story house with a huge front porch and nice landscaping. If Christine had had a dream house, Mike's fit the description to a tee. The kids were climbing out of the Tahoe and seemed equally as excited. Even Courtney seemed excited. Mike unlocked the front door and glanced inside before he gestured for them to come in.

"Alright, Hannah and Courtney; if you go up the stairs and to the right, there are two bedrooms. You girls can figure out which one you want. There are two more closer to the master bedroom but I figure the twins will be in them, closer to Mom and I. They have furniture but we can redecorate. Go on. Take your swimsuits with you and change. Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth, Mom and I will help you. Go on." The two older girls ran up the stairs and Christine saw them walk across a catwalk, already arguing about who got the bigger room or closet. Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth were looking around in complete wonder at the nice house and expensive furnishings that were not in Mike's taste at all.

"Mike, this house is spectacular. This furniture though, it's nice but the twins will have it tore to pieces in a month." Christine might have liked the furniture before having children but having five kids had taught her a deep respect for durable upholstery and dark colored rugs that would withstand projectile vomiting, nosebleeds and a various pets.

"I know. I didn't pick it out. Helena didn't care for kids and she decorated. I hate it so please pick other things out. Whatever you want. Do the kids draw? Remember how in Norfolk, you had framed the kid's drawings? I miss that." The twins had run to a back window and were looking out into the backyard at the pool and huge yard. They were already getting fingerprints on the windows and Christine thought about correcting them decided to just enjoy the moment.

"They do and Hannah and I love to paint landscapes. I hope Courtney lets her have the room with better lighting. She'll love this kitchen, its unreal." Christine was walking through the kitchen, admiring the creamy white cabinets and granite countertops. There was a huge stovetop with multiple burners and double wall ovens, a stainless steel fridge and a wine cooler. It was way beyond Mike's taste and he definitely wasn't a cook so it must have been Helena. Christine could and would replace furniture and repaint walls but the kitchen would stay intact. She was too practical to rip it out and she actually liked the room and Hannah, who loved to cook and bake, would really love it.

"Yeah, I suppose. I don't think the stove was ever turned on. If you don't like it, I can call a contractor and…" Christine put a hand on Mike's cheek and shook her head.

"Mike, it all looks new. How old is it?"

"Three months old. But if you don't like it…"

"A kitchen like this costs tens of thousands of dollars, correct?" Mike nodded at her and she put both hands on his shoulders. "Mike, I refuse to let you spend that type of money. The kitchen is fine for me. I will repaint those walls though. Red? Yuck! Don't worry so much."

"I just want you to be happy and…"

"I am because I will be here with you and the kids. That's all that matters to me. Let's get these kids in their swimming clothes. I love you." Christine leaned up and kissed Mike. He returned the kiss and seemed less tense. Christine turned towards the twins who were jumping up and down in excitement. They had never actually been swimming. "Uh, Mike, you are going to have to do some swimming lessons. They've never learned."

"I love you too. Come on, I'll show you upstairs. Did you bring a swimsuit?"

"Yes. Come on, guys?" Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth followed Mike and Christine up the stairs and Christine imagined family photos lining the wall up the staircase and the girls walking down the steps in their prom dresses. Mike squeezed her hand and pointed her towards the left. There were double doors at the end of the landing, and then doors on either side.

"Alright, Mikey, this would be a good room for you. It's painted blue." Mike opened the door to one of the rooms, which was painted a deep blue and Mikey immediately dove towards the double bed.

"Mommy, look! It's a big bed! Will it be all mine?" Mikey was excited and smiling from ear to ear. He looked exactly like Lucas which made both Mike and Christine hesitate for just a moment.

"Yes, sweetie." Christine hugged Mikey to keep him from jumping on the bed but looked down at Sarah Elizabeth who was standing beside Mike with tears in her eyes. "What's wrong, Curly Sue?" Mike picked Sarah Elizabeth up and they sat at the end of the bed with her on Mike's lap.

"I never slept in a bed by myself. What if I get scared?" Sarah Elizabeth was crying softly and Mike was cradling her close.

"Sweetie, Daddy and I will be close and if you need us, you can come in and sleep with us. I do want you to try and sleep in your own bed tonight. Do you want to see your room?" Sarah Elizabeth nodded but still seemed nervous.

"If Mikey gets a room with blue paint, what color does mine have, Daddy?" Mike had stood up with her and they walked to the other room.

"Well, it's kind of a cream color but it can be repainted any color you want." He opened the other door up and they walked into a room with double windows facing the backyard and a window seat. It was bright and pretty and Sarah Elizabeth seemed intrigued.

"Can I have a princess bed?" Mike had sat her down on the window seat and Sarah Elizabeth looked towards the bed. On either side of the window seat; there were white built in bookshelves and the wood trim was all in white, like the rest of the house. It was a pretty room.

"A princess bed for my princess, sure. Do you want a different paint color?"

"Pink stuff would look pretty with this color, wouldn't it, Mommy?"

"I think so. It is a really pretty room. I think this bed would work for what you want too, just with a really pretty bedspread? Pink rugs and pictures?"

"Yeah! And all my dolls and stuffed animals?" Sarah Elizabeth was getting more excited and she had stopped crying.

"Yep, you have lots of shelves for them. And Daddy and I are right next door. Mikey's across the hall and the girls are down that way. You'll be just fine." Sarah Elizabeth nodded at them and seemed to want to explore her new room like Mikey was doing. Christine laid her swimsuit out on the bed and they left her to her own devices. Christine gave Mikey his swim trunks to put on and Mike pointed her towards the master bedroom, the only room that made Christine a little nervous. It would be weird to share a room and a bed with Mike, in the same room that he had shared with another woman. And it was not something redecorating could cure.

The room was large with a king sized bed with high dollar linens on it. The massive bed had a dark wood and iron headboard and footboard on it with matching nightstands. Any remnants of Helena were gone, aside from two envelopes on a dresser that matched the rest of the furniture. One was addressed to Mike and the other to Christine. Mike hadn't seemed to notice them as he had gone into the master closet to change into his swim trunks. Christine thought about hiding the letters but decided against it and grabbed her's and sat down on the bed and began reading it.

" _Christine,_

 _You are a lucky woman to have someone like Mike love you the way he does. I think I knew from the beginning that I would never have a relationship like the two of you did. I guess I was biding my time. I am not the type of woman that men want to marry and have babies with. Not wife or mom material. I think that's what Mike was seeking because it's what he had with you._

 _I've been told I am completely selfish and God knows I could make life hell for you and Mike, in addition to your kids. I won't because I guess I want what you have someday and I know Mike needs to have it with you. As hard as it is to let him go, I know I am letting him go to the person that loves him completely, not like I did. He needs to be with you. You and he are soulmates in every way possible and from what I know; you have a beautiful love story._

 _I know it's hard to forgive him for doing what he did, but please do. I think if he hadn't found someone to bide his time with until he found you and your kids, he would have committed suicide. And you are probably looking around this room and thinking you can't share the same room with him that he shared with me…it's just a room with furniture. You are his wife and it's your place to be beside him in that bed, not mine._

 _I wish you all the happiness in the world. Please take care of Mike, he is truly the best man I've ever known, but you already know that._

 _Helena"_

Mike stepped out of the master closet in his swim trunks and Christine smiled up at him. Helena's letter had given her some clarity and she decided not to dwell on the bedroom. It was just a room with furniture. She stood up and gave Mike a passionate kiss and handed him the letter as she went into the bathroom to change into her own swimsuit. He needed to read Helena's letter to him privately anyway.


	6. Chapter 6

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 6

Christine had changed into her swimsuit and some sort of sundress type thing over it and left the master bedroom to help the twins get ready. Mike could hear his family talking about what they wanted for their rooms but like Christine, felt that he needed to read the note from Helena first. He was shocked by the maturity that she had shown in Christine's letter but his would be the test.

" _Mike,_

 _Seeing you with Christine Friday night made me realize that you had found your soulmate again. You need to be with her and I need to move on with my life. She is a very lucky woman to have you._

 _I know I've never seemed that mature to you and have always been selfish. I am doing the first unselfish thing in my life; and walking away. Please understand, it's not easy for me because I have loved you. I would like to hope that you loved me but the reality is, I know that you didn't._

 _I told Christine in her letter that I believed that if you hadn't found me to bide your time with, before you found her and your kids, you might have committed suicide. You were so depressed and you felt terribly after that first night. Did I use you? Probably but I did love you. If I accomplished nothing else in this relationship, I accomplished keeping you alive until you could find your family and be the husband and father to them that they deserve. Don't feel you used me, for companionship, a human anti-depressant, sex, or whatever._

 _I have spoken to my brother in law and you will have no issues career wise. He respects you and what you are trying to accomplish, training tomorrow's soldiers and sailors. I cannot and will not attack that._

 _I will be staying at the Four Seasons until Thursday and then I will be moving to New York City. I actually have a job interview, believe it or not and I feel excited about it. I had gotten the call before Friday but didn't feel comfortable telling you because I wasn't sure what would happen where we were concerned, or more so, you. I knew you weren't happy but I didn't want to leave you like that._

 _You have the chance at a beautiful and happy life with a woman whom you love. You are truly soulmates. I hope someday to find what you have with her. I know you weren't happy but you always treated me with respect, more than any man has ever done and I appreciate that. The media has called asking but I've told them it was a mutual agreement due to my job prospects, for us to part ways. I hope that is alright with you. They love their juicy gossip. If you need anything, you now where I will be and have my number._

 _Best wishes and take care of yourself and that family,_

 _Helena"_

Mike was completely shocked by Helena's lengthy note. It made him feel sorry for her. He had no intentions of going to the hotel to meet with her but felt like he needed to do something. Fortunately, Christine came in to get him to go downstairs and he let her read the note.

"I am a little shocked by her, Mike. She seems different than what I thought." Christine sat down beside him on the end of the bed and folded the letter back up and handed it to him.

"I have no intentions of going to that hotel but I feel like I should do something. I just don't know what would be appropriate and what you would be comfortable with. Plus, I don't want any media fodder."

"Write her a note, wishing her luck. Even if you didn't love her, tell her you did. I know it seems wrong but it would make her feel slightly better. She obviously cared about you. Get her a dozen roses, pink,white or yellow. Not red. If you have someone you trust to deliver it, that would be best. If not, I will do it, and just leave it at the front desk. I don't particularly want to face her, and you going there would not be a good idea, because of the press and Courtney may have a heart attack. It's not a matter of distrust where I'm concerned; I just think it would be better if you didn't."

"All that sounds good but why not red roses?" Mike was just curious and felt the need to ask. Christine stood up and smiled down at him.

"Red means passion. In a situation like this, it could be misinterpreted. Pink, yellow or even white roses are just sweet. They have other meanings but not like red. Trust me on this one, Mike." Mike nodded at her and stood up next to her, putting the two letters away as they walked out of the room.

"I will let you read the note before I send it to her. I won't feel comfortable otherwise. Kids ready?" As they walked down the stairs, Mike could hear Hannah's excited voice talking about the kitchen. Moving in might happen quicker than Mike figured which didn't hurt his feelings.

"Yep. And Hannah loves the kitchen by the way. And before you have a fit about Courtney's swimsuit, I grabbed one of your shirts for her. Hope that's alright?" Mike nodded until he seen Courtney standing in the kitchen wearing a bikini when he rounded the corner into the open concept living room and kitchen. He looked down at Christine with raised eyebrows. "She bought it with her own money. I didn't have enough to get her a different one and she likes that one. It's the first time she's worn it. I wouldn't let her out of the apartment wearing it. She fills it out a little too well."

"I don't even want to think about that. God, I haven't seen that much of her skin since she was three years old and refused to wear clothing. It's not so cute now. I will buy her a new one." Christine laughed at him and wrapped her arm around him as they walked into the kitchen. Mike did his best to not even react to the bikini, but he was not happy. Thankfully, Hannah was in a much more conservative swimsuit with a pair of swim shorts. The only complaint Mike had was that they were a little short but he knew it was the style. He could handle that slightly better than the bikini that his very well developed eighteen year old daughter was wearing. At least Sarah Elizabeth looked adorable in her little pink swimsuit.

Christine handed Courtney Mike's t-shirt and she surprisingly didn't argue at all, immediately putting it on and even seemed slightly more comfortable. It made Mike wonder if Courtney hadn't really liked the bikini that much. Christine was braiding Hannah's hair and so Mike and Courtney took the two younger kids out to the pool. Mike immediately got in with the twins and Courtney sat at the edge of the pool with her feet in.

"Dad, you really shocked me in there. I figured you would throw a fit when you saw me in my swimsuit. You didn't." Mike swam up and leaned against the pool wall next to her, but kept an eye on Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth who were splashing around.

"Trust me, it wasn't easy. You didn't argue about the t-shirt though. Mom said you bought the bikini yourself?"

"Yeah but it was because I was shopping with some of my friends from school. We were all buying our swimsuits for this year and they all thought I was crazy because I wanted a one-piece. I ended up buying this one because it was a little cheaper and it shut them up. I really don't like it." Courtney had scooted down into the pool and was standing next to him and Mike put an arm around her and kissed the top of her head.

"Well, I hate it. Pick one out and I will buy it. As long as it doesn't look like that one. You will be around a lot of people here and I want you to look…not like you did earlier. You are my baby girl and I don't need to see that much of your skin and I tend to have a lot of young sailors and soldiers around me. They definitely don't need to see that much of your skin. If I had my way, you would be in coveralls for the rest of your life." Courtney laughed at Mike's statement and splashed back at Mikey.

"Don't worry, Dad. I just want to go to college now and then to med school. Besides, you've seen my neighborhood. I don't have many good choices there. Their initiations for their girlfriends was not good at all."

"Do I even want to know?" Christine and Hannah were coming out and Mike was slightly curious.

"All the gang members would 'sample' the girlfriend, if you understand what I'm saying. Like twenty guys or more. Just yuck." Mike grinned down at Courtney and kissed her forehead again. At least she hadn't been tempted.

"Well, you won't have that problem here. Have you sent any college applications out? For regular college?" Mike swam over to the twins but stayed focused on Courtney as she was swimming next to him. Christine and Hannah were sitting at the patio table and Christine was helping Hannah with her math.

"I'd like to send one to St. Louis University but they have a really high fee and I hated asking Mom. They offer a really good scholarship. The Doctor Rachel Scott Scholarship." Mike was very familiar with the scholarship as Tom was on the board deciding the recipient. Courtney had an in but Tom might back away.

"Well, apply and I'll cover it. As far as the scholarship is concerned, it requires an essay. Look it up. You'll need to start writing soon. Do you want to be a virologist?"

"It covers med school. I want to be a pediatrician but not sure about virology. How do you know so much about it?" Courtney looked confused and Mike knew that she didn't know about Mike's connection to Rachel Scott.

"I knew Doctor Scott. She was onboard the Nathan James when the Red Flu hit and we protected her. Once the cure was found, we helped distribute it. Uncle Tom is on the board that decides who gets that scholarship but he will probably abstain where you are concerned. You need to make your essay count." Mike threw a ball towards Mikey and looked down at Courtney who was standing beside him.

"Okay. I'll talk to my counselor tomorrow about it. It's for all the pre-med students. I've read a few of the requirements on it, I just hadn't seen Uncle Tom's name."

"Just let me know when you need a check written for the fee. I'd better start swim lessons for the twins. I love you, baby girl." Courtney hugged him before she got out of the pool to do her own studying and Mike started the swimming lessons with both Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth. Both Hannah and Courtney were studying at the patio table and Christine took her sundress off, revealing just how thin she looked in her swimsuit. She got in and started helping Mike with the swim lesson.

"You and Court seem to be doing a bit better. I kind of lit into her." Christine said quietly so the older two girls wouldn't hear them as she let Sarah Elizabeth's hands go for her to try and swim on her own. The little girl was splashing both of them with her arms and legs, more than she was swimming.

"Yeah, a little. There is still some tension there but it's better. It's hard treating her like an adult. The last time I seen her, she was twelve and now she's all grown up. Course, the same goes with Hannah but it's slightly different with Court."

"In a lot of ways, reconnecting with them will be harder than connecting with these two. I don't envy you but I will help you. When you left, Court was twelve, Hannah was nine and Lucas was alive. You came back to an adult daughter, one who is fifteen and two little ones you don't know. Not to mention, Lucas. How are you on that front? I'm sure it can't be easy." Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth had quit wanting swim lessons and were playing in the shallow end and Mike pulled Christine close.

"It hurts, obviously. But harder for you? You were with him. I buried it for a couple years but when I was stabbed, I kind of had to confront it. It really hurt. No lie there."

"He didn't suffer, Mike. I should have told you that day when you called, he wasn't in any pain. The nurse had him hooked up to all kinds of pain killers and let him listen to the recordings of you reading to him. I think that helped more than anything else. I should have told you a lot. More about Lucas, being pregnant, all of it. Instead I was so cruel…" Mike pulled Christine closer and she put her face into his shoulder.

"Hey, no. You were not that cruel. And if you were, you had good reason. Let's put that behind us, not Lucas, obviously, but that phone call. Just concentrate on the here and now?" Christine nodded at him and gave him a deep, passionate kiss while both older girls were making gagging noises. Mike heard one of them make a comment about them using their tongues and despite the kiss; he could feel Christine trying not to laugh at them. He finally pulled away because Sarah Elizabeth had tried to swim between him and Christine.

"Daddy, I'm hungry. Do you have food here?" Mike grinned down at her and picked her up.

"Well, I don't know. Christi, I may need to run to store. Hamburgers and hot dogs for the kids? Steaks for you and me?"

"It's been years since I had a steak. Sounds good to me. Will you grill? I see you have one over there. I can make some sort of salad if you get the stuff for it and don't forget to get buns. Do you have barbeque sauce and ketchup? Mustard?" Mike could tell Christine's mind was spinning with a lengthy list and Courtney hollered at him and then jumped into the pool and swam to them.

"Mom, why don't you just go with Dad? That might be easier. I can watch the twins but I would feel better if they were out of the pool." Mike and Christine nodded in silent agreement and Christine swam over to the twins to get them out of the pool. Courtney grabbed Mike's arm and leaned up to whisper in his ear, "Or, you could take Mom out for dinner and I would figure something out here." Mike nodded down at his oldest daughter and kissed her cheek.

"Good idea. I have a couple frozen pizzas in the freezer. I'll get them out for you. Thank you, honey. Why are you doing this?"

"I told you that I wanted Mom to be happy which means that I have to give you the time to do that. Hannah will help me and we will be fine." They were still standing in the middle of the pool and Christine had gotten the twins out with Hannah's help and was drying them off with towels that had been sitting on a patio chair.

"Tom is across the street and I will write my cellphone number and Tom's down for you. There's a house phone and…"

"Dad, I got it. We'll be fine. Go enjoy yourself." Courtney swam towards the pool steps and got out. Christine handed her a towel, completely unaware in the change of plans. Mike followed her out and dried himself on.

"Christy, Court offered to watch the kids while you and I went out. Let's get ready." Christine had a look of shock on her face and glanced down at the twins with a concerned look. Courtney jumped in to help Mike.

"Mom, Hannah and I watch the twins all the time in the evening when you work. This is not different, other than it's in a safer neighborhood and you are actually doing something fun. Now, what are you wearing on your hot date?" Christine had put her sundress on over her swimsuit again and shrugged her shoulders.

"Sweetie, your dad and I have known each other since I was three months old. We've been together since I was twelve and he was thirteen. We don't have hot dates."

"Jeez, Dad, you gotta step up your game a bit. Hannah, I'll help Mom out if you'll take care of the twins and Dad can show you where the frozen pizzas are before he gets ready?" Hannah nodded at her and headed into the house. The twins followed her with Christine at their heels.

"You, young lady, are a mess. But an amazing mess, all the same. Thank you." Courtney had tied the towel around her waist and smiled at Mike. He threw his arm around her and they walked into the house. Hannah was looking at the oven like it was a computer. Mike grabbed the pizzas from the deep freeze in the pantry and put them on a pan and then showed her how to work the oven.

"It's a convection oven so it heats fast."

"Okay." Hannah nodded at him but she looked kind of downcast about something.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Mike had put his arm around Hannah but she backed away from him and started to head up and change clothes.

"Nothing, Dad. I'm fine." Christine had walked down the stairs and met Hannah before she went up to her room. Christine was wearing the same sundress but looked a little different. She was beautiful.

"Hannah okay?"

"I'm not sure. She seems down about something but won't say what. She hasn't changed much, has she?" Mike was worried about the fifteen year old.

"Hannah loves taking care of other people but sometimes she needs it too. I think she needs some daddy daughter time. She's shouldered a lot over the years. Court will do what she did earlier, but it will end up on Hannah's shoulders to look after the twins and Hannah will do it because she wants to help."

"So, what do we do?"

"Well, she has a sweet tooth. Wherever we go, we bring her back a dessert. The twins will be in bed and Court will be in her own world. Aside from that, just block out sometime this week for her." Mike nodded at her. Hannah had always been their peacekeeper. The one that could be counted on to just accept whatever was thrown at her and never complain. She never required much. Courtney's hand me down's and a few minutes alone with Mike or Christine, here or there. Courtney and Lucas had always been more outgoing while Hannah was extremely introverted. She had few friends and struggled in school. She made so few waves that Mike rarely thought about her needs. That had to change.

"What does she like to do? I guess I'm just realizing how little I knew about her. She was always just kind of there in the background. I feel horrible about it."

"It took me awhile to realize that too, and to be honest, I still struggle. She loves art and cooking. She loves to look after the twins but she does need a break. Mike, to be honest, I would not have gotten through the past six years had it not been for Hannah. She's a lot like you. She has a quiet strength. You don't realize the light that she has. Courtney maybe older but Hannah but Hannah was the glue. I am looking forward to being here, and not having to work four to five jobs just so Hannah can have a normal time. At the rate we were going, Hannah was becoming very overwhelmed and I was worried about her. Really worried and really scared."

Mike nodded and started to say something but the older two girls were coming down the stairs. He needed to change clothes and check on the twins. Hannah had gone into the kitchen with Christine but Courtney was sitting on the couch, reading a book. It was a stark reality for Mike.

He changed into a nice pair of jean, a button down and blazer. The twins were playing together in Mikey's room and didn't need anything at that moment. Mike looked down from the catwalk and seen Courtney still sitting on the couch, watching something on TV, meanwhile Mike could hear Hannah and Christine's voice coming from the laundry room. Mike looked into the two rooms that the girls had picked out. Courtney had gotten the larger one with the bigger closet, while Hannah had ended up the smallest bedroom with a tiny closet. The lighting was poor. The worst part was there was only a tiny day bed in the room. Mike made his way down the stairs, struggling with what to do.

Mike and Christine found a nice restaurant and ordered steaks, baked potatoes and the fixings. They discussed Hannah and the bedroom situation, and Christine shared some memories where the twins were concerned. As enjoyable as their evening was, Mike couldn't help but to think of Hannah and Christine picked up on it. They ordered Hannah a piece of chocolate cheesecake and headed home. As Mike was driving, Christine reached over and squeezed his shoulder.

"Honey, it'll be okay. Hannah is a tough cookie. We joke about how much Courtney is like you but the reality is; Hannah is the one that got all your positive attributes. If there was a truly good person out there, it's Hannah. She never says a bad word about anything or anyone and she has the patience of ten saints. Considering the two of us; I sometimes wonder if she was switched at birth. How the two of us could create someone like her. I know everyone has flaws but I have spent every day of Hannah's life with her; and I have yet to find hers. I wonder at times if it even exists. Maybe I'm blind to it, or maybe her flaw is with her school work or the way she puts herself last. Who knows? What I do know is, while you and I need to spend equal time with all four kids; Hannah needs some special time with both of us. Not something I've been able to give her for the past six years. It's not a gift on money either, but the gift of time and of love."

"How, though? She's fifteen and I've been gone for six years, not to mention, I lost a lot of time with her throughout her childhood. It's almost ridiculous, how much." Mike had pulled into the driveway and they were sitting in the Tahoe talking.

"I honestly don't know, Mike. I've been with her all these years and I struggle. But Hannah is simple. A hug and kiss mean more to her than anything else. We'd better get inside. We are teenagers anymore, making out in your car in front of the houses."

"I remember those days really well." Mike opened his door and then walked around to help Christine out.

"Me too. It's a good thing we got married so young and moved into our own apartment. Making out in the car and fooling around in the basement has definitely lost its charm for me."

"Well, if you want to, later, we can make out, fool around and whatever else you are ready for, inside."

"Upstairs in a bedroom?" They were standing outside on the porch and they needed to go in but the talking and hinting was fun.

"Of course. Will it bother you to be in the same room that I shared with…"

"It's a room with furniture. That's it. Just so happens to be a really nice, luxurious bed without a six year olds elbow in my side too. Hopefully I can share that big, beautiful bed with my husband tonight. I will tell you; I won't replace the bed and I am undecided about the linens. It seems terribly wasteful to go that expense." Mike nodded at Christine and opened the front door. Courtney was sitting in the living room watching TV and Hannah was folding laundry on the kitchen island. Mike wrapped an arm around the fifteen year old and handed her the go box with the chocolate cheesecake.

"Thank you, sweetheart. I know it was you that watched the twins, did the laundry and cleaned up. I love you." Mike had whispered into Hannah's ear so that Courtney didn't hear. Christine came up beside them and kissed Hannah's forehead.

"Dad got you some chocolate cheesecake. The place we went to also had a cherry cheesecake that looked really good. Maybe next time? Did the twins give you any trouble?" They both released Hannah who was looking a bit overwhelmed and Mike grabbed a fork for Hannah and sit her down on one of the kitchen stools.

"They were okay. This is really good. Here?" Hannah handed the loaded fork to Christine who took a small bite and then Hannah did the same for Mike. It was really good cheesecake.

"Hey, Christy?" Mike had sat down next to Hannah and Christine was standing on the kitchen side of the island, folding what was left of the laundry.

"Hmm?"

"I get off work about three tomorrow. I know we are going to be back at the apartment but why don't I take Hannah to the place we went to last night? Kind of a daddy daughter thing." Mike winked at Christine and Hannah had a hopeful look. What Mike hadn't realized was that Courtney had heard them and stood up and joined them.

"Me first! I'm older." Courtney grabbed the fork and ate the last bite of the cheesecake. Instead of saying anything, Hannah just stood up and ran up the stairs. Mike gave Courtney a look and Christine nodded at him. She would take care of Courtney while Mike dealt with Hannah. He stood up and followed her up the stairs and into her bedroom. When he got in the room; Hannah was sitting on her bed, looking out the window. Mike sat down next to her and pulled her into a hug.

"It's okay, sweetie. You and I will still go. "Mike could feel Hannah softly crying into his chest. Christine had come in and sat down on Hannah's other side.

"But Courtney?" Hannah had pushed away from Mike but remained seated between her two parents.

"Well, I want to go with you. I don't fall into the oldest is best mentality. I fall into the mentality that I need to spend an equal amount of time with all of you kids and I won't allow you to be pushed to the side. It is going to take a while but things are going to get better and easier for you. Just be patient with Mom and I, okay?" Hannah nodded at them and Mike kissed the side of her head.

"Sweetie, I have noticed what your sister has been doing. I'm not blind to it at all. I just haven't had the ability to stop it. Now with your dad in the picture again, I can quit some of my jobs and devote more of my time to just being a mom." Christine was holding both of Hannah's hands and Hannah nodded at her.

"But if Dad deploys again…?"

"I'm on a permanent posting here. I run the training facility for the Armed Services since we combined branches during training. I'm here for good. I promise. Mom and I have agreed that you kids need to finish out your school year. You'll stay here with me on the weekends and we will all stay at the apartment through the week. It's not ideal but it will work." Hannah seemed almost relieved and both Mike and Christine noticed a hint of a smile. Hannah did have a good sense of humor but like Mike, it was a dry humor.

"At least here, I won't have to share a room, will I? I've never had a room of my own and Courtney snores like Dad." Both Mike and Christine started laughing and Hannah joined them. Mike knew then that as a family, they would be alright.

 **I promise, it's not the end of the story! Just a long chapter that had to end somewhere! Please enjoy and review.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 6

"Mike, this has been amazing. I almost hate the idea of going back to the apartment." They were laying in the big king sized bed, in each other's arms. Thankfully the kids were settled and it gave Mike and Christine some adult time that they took full advantage of. It had shocked Mike how easy and fulfilling it had been, and for the first time in a long time; he felt normal. The sex with Helena had always felt weird, almost like an out of body experience but with Christine, it had felt really good and wholesome.

"You are more than welcome to move in here before the end of the schoolyear. I would love having you here all the time. You are amazing. So beautiful and perfect." Mike kissed Christine again and ran his hand down her hip. He had put his pajama pants on and she had one of his t-shirts on. It was a lot more appealing than any of the lingerie that Helena would wear.

"I know, but it's best for the kids. We'll manage. And I don't know about beautiful or perfect. Thank you though."

"You are." Mike was laying on his side but put both arms around her.

"I know I shouldn't do it, but it's hard not to compare myself to Helena. She's young and beautiful. Not saggy and gray like me."

"I wish you wouldn't. There's no contest where I'm concerned. When I was with her, I wished it was you. Now that it's you, she's the furthest thing from my mind. As far as saggy and gray, the only issue I have with your body is that you are too thin. I want you to gain some weight. But even this, I can deal with. I only ever wanted you."

"No fake…whatevers?" Christine's comment made Mike smile.

"Nope, and I love your real…whatevers much better. Seriously, Christy, you are absolutely perfect. I just don't understand why you are so forgiving?" Mike pulled the blanket around both of them and kissed Christine again.

"I honestly don't know. I think if things had been normal and you had an affair, I would have been done. But this with Helena, it was different. I don't know how to explain how I feel about it but I do know, I am okay with it. I would prefer you stay away from her, not because I don't trust you but because I actually feel a bit sorry for her. She really did care about you and I think she, for the first time in her life, had been treated well. Men look at women like her as an object. Even if you think you didn't; you treated her like a person." Christine put her hand on Mike's cheek and kissed him again.

"In looking back, I don't think I treated her that well. You read her note to me. I'm not sure what I was getting out of that relationship. It wasn't really about the sex for me, and I really didn't love her, at least not like I do you. Maybe just having someone here when I came home from work? To have a conversation with? I honestly don't know. It's hard to explain what I got out of it because I'm not even sure. And that doesn't seem fair to Helena. I used her. It almost makes me sick. I have daughters and I sure wouldn't want them used like I used Helena. To have their emotions and feelings toyed with."

"You got companionship when you needed it, like you said conversation. She gave you what you needed at the time and she knows that. I am thankful for her, honestly. And I truly appreciate her not fighting this. When you write your note and send her the roses, I am also going to send one. I want her to feel better about all this."

"You are amazing. Not many wives would be thankful for the mistress. I haven't figured out exactly what I am writing in her note." Mike yawned and Christine smiled at him, giving him another kiss.

"You'll find the right words. We had both better get some sleep. Tomorrow night, we'll have two six year olds between us."

"I am shocked we didn't end up with one of them earlier. Sarah Elizabeth was not handling being in her own bed. Hannah must have some sort of special mojo or something to have convinced her to go to sleep on her own." Mike reached over and shut the reading lamp off and wrapped both arms around Christine.

"Hannah definitely has a special touch. I think there are times she does better than I do with them. She's amazing. Like I said earlier; I know she has flaws but I can't find them. How you and I created someone like her is beyond me." Christine yawned and cuddled in even closer.

"I have no idea what it would be but I'm not naïve enough to think that she doesn't have a flaw. It's there, I just don't know where or what. Maybe she's just too selfless."

"Mmm-Hmm. Courtney has her good points too but she can be a little self-centered. Hannah is her opposite. And it's really too early to tell with the twins. Mikey is a lot like Lucas was and Sarah Elizabeth is all girl. She does love helping other people. She adores Rose." Christine's eyes were getting heavy and her speech was slurring from exhaustion.

"You've done a great job with all of them. Better get to sleep, my little lady." Christine smiled and seemed to drift off. Mike pulled her even closer and fell asleep quicker than he had in a long time.

As predicted, Sarah Elizabeth didn't make it through the night without getting scared. Mike woke up and heard her crying about four. He got up to get her but was shocked to see Hannah in her room, lying down next to Sarah Elizabeth.

"What's wrong?" Mike sat down next to Hannah and tucked Sarah Elizabeth's hair behind her ear.

"I had a bad dream, Daddy. But Hannah is gonna stay with me."

"You sure, Hannah? She can go in with Mom and me."

"Yeah, Dad. It's fine. She's not used to being alone." Mike was struck by how adult like Hannah was. She had stood up and got in under the covers. As soon as Hannah was settled next to Sarah Elizabeth; Mike tucked the blankets around both of them.

"Alright, as long as you're sure. Mom and I are close if you need us. I love you girls." Mike bent down and kissed both of them on the forehead. He shut the bedside lamp off and walked to the door, where he stood and watched them for a minute. Hannah had turned on her side and wrapped both arms around Sarah Elizabeth. It was a beautiful scene. Before going back to bed, Mike checked on Courtney and Mikey. Courtney was sound asleep and Mikey had kicked his way out of the covers. Mike settled him back under the blankets and kissed his forehead before leaving him to go back to his own bedroom. He settled back down next to Christine and managed to wrap his arms around her without waking her back up and was soon back to sleep.

Mike and Christine both woke up at six and quickly got ready for the day. By six twenty, they realized they smelled food cooking and coffee and could hear chatter downstairs. When they made their way downstairs, they found Hannah making pancakes and bacon for the twins. Courtney hadn't gotten up yet, but Hannah had gotten herself and both twins up and dressed and was making an excellent hot breakfast. Christine wasn't terribly shocked but Mike was in awe. Courtney finally came down about seven thirty. Hannah had immediately gotten up to make her a pancake because she was so late. Mike adored his oldest daughter but he couldn't understand why Courtney didn't make her own pancake. Mike went outside to help Christine get the twins in the Tahoe while Courtney as finishing her breakfast and Hannah was cleaning the kitchen.

"Christy, is this a normal school morning with Hannah? The pancakes and all?" Mike was settling Mikey in his booster seat while Christine was adjusting Sarah Elizabeth's.

"Oh, yeah. She likes us to have a hot breakfast. And she generally gets the twins ready. I generally have to be at work early with school. Thankfully, not today but usually. Hannah just handles it." The girls had come out the front door and Mike hugged and kissed both of them. Courtney had already jumped in the front passenger seat but Mike held onto Hannah for a moment longer and whispered in her ear.

"You need to figure out what you want to do tonight. As soon as I get off work, it's a daddy daughter date. Just me and you." Hannah nodded at him and even smiled slightly. Mike released her and she got in the back of the Tahoe. Mike walked around to kiss Christine goodbye. "I get off at three but told Hannah that she and I would go on our daddy daughter date tonight. What time do you get off tonight?"

"I just have lunch at school and then a couple hours at the dry cleaner's. I'll be done at four and I am turning in my notice at both places." Mike kissed Christine and nodded.

"Good, I love you. Have a good day."

"Love you too. You too." Christine got in the Tahoe and buckled her seatbelt. Mike waved at them as they drove off. He was already ready for the day to be over so he could spend more time with them.


	8. Chapter 8

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 8

Mike's office was a loft space above the training room. He could look through windows and watch the training. He didn't spend a lot of time in the room because he liked to be in the thick of the training. Garnett and Tom handled some of the classroom portions of the training but Mike loved hands on. Before he found Christine and his kids, he would spend long hours at the training facility, long after the cadets went home, beating a punching bag until his hands were bloody. He had always refused to wear gloves because he wanted to feel the physical pain. Now, he just wanted to get back to his wife and kids. He had picked up a dozen pink roses and they were sitting on his file cabinet. Writing the letter to Helena was harder than he had realized it would be. He agreed with Christine, Helena deserved something but it was harder than he realized it was to write the note. Christine had wrote her note and given it to Mike that morning. It was short and sweet but full of grace. He pulled it out of the envelope hoping for some wisdom in writing his own letter and reread it.

" _Ms. Montgomery,_

 _I truly appreciate everything that you did for Mike. You were what he needed at the time. You kept him going until he found us. I also appreciate you allowing him to make this choice. I know you could make life really difficult for us but you are moving on with your own life._

 _I wish you all the best in your journey. You deserve what Mike and I have had all these years. A piece of advice, don't allow yourself to be treated badly. You choose it. You are a beautiful woman and you have it in you to have a personality that matches your outer beauty._

 _Thank you for all that you've done for Mike,_

 _Christine"_

Mike put the letter back in the envelope and sat and looked at the picture on his desk. He didn't have any pictures of Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth yet but the one he was looking at was one of Mike holding Hannah and Courtney sitting on his knee. Hannah was only about an hour old and Courtney was three. Looking at the picture of his daughters gave Mike the clarity to write the letter.

" _Helena,_

 _I remember you telling me once that you had never been treated like a person, just a possession or object. God knows, I probably didn't treat you that well either. As I am writing this note, I am looking at a picture of me holding my daughters. Courtney was about three and Hannah was only an hour old. I remember the moment well; I had big plans and dreams for my girls. I knew exactly how I wanted them to be treated and loved._

 _You are someone's daughter and I am sure at some point your mom or dad had the same moment with you that I had with my daughters. I failed at whatever they had planned for their daughter. If someone treated one of my girls like you were treated; I would have been beyond livid. It gives me a perspective on myself that I don't particularly care for._

 _That being said; please know, I didn't set out to hurt you like this. If I had known Christine was out there, I would have never done what I did with you. And I don't mean that badly where you are concerned._

 _You are right. If I hadn't had you, I would have probably killed myself. I've told Christine that it wasn't so much about sex as it was to have someone at home when I got there, someone to talk to. You fulfilled what I needed. You gave me a reason to go home and just get through it._

 _Please know, it may not have seemed like it, but I do care about you. I want you to have a good life. One where you find an amazing partner and get to experience a love like I've had and still have with Christine. You deserve that, if for no other reason, doing what you've done for Christine and I. You have no idea how special of a gift it is. I did love you. Please, never think I didn't. As you said though, Christine is my soulmate. I belong with her. And you belong with someone who will treat you better than I have._

 _I wish you nothing but the absolute best. The best career wise and the best in your personal life. You may have seemed shallow and immature to me throughout most of our relationship but what you've done for Christine and I? It shows that you are not at all like that. You have a big heart and a beautiful personality. Make that the most visible thing about you. Treat yourself better and don't allow yourself to be used like I used you._

 _Thank you for everything,_

 _Mike"_

Mike sealed the envelope with his and Christine's letters and tucked it into the flowers. Andrea knocked on the door and smiled at him. He gestured at her to come in. She had agreed to take the flowers and notes to Helena. Tom still couldn't stand Helena but Andrea had a way with people and he knew she would be completely discreet.

"I appreciate you doing this. Not a fun job." Mike sat back down in his desk chair and Andrea took her seat in one of the chairs in front of the desk.

"No, but it is the right thing to do. Tom doesn't think so but I think so. For the first time in her life, Helena is making a good choice and needs to be treated like a person, not an object. I also bought her a bottle of wine and some chocolate. Those will be from me as a sympathy thing. She's going through a heartbreak." Andrea was fiddling with her cover and Mike was a little intrigued by her position.

"So, what's your deal? You didn't care for her either." Andrea looked up at Mike but seemed to be remembering something.

"I've been the mistress. Years ago, long before the Navy or Bill. Second year of college. My physics professor. I honestly didn't know he was married and I was young and naïve. In love. His wife approached me. They'd been married for ten years, four kids, and nice house in the suburbs. Apparently it wasn't the first time he had messed around with a student. Being the other woman, the mistress, it's an awkward position. In my case, his wife was very graceful about the whole thing. She knew I didn't set out to sleep with a married man. Obviously I broke up with him. She divorced him too, took him to the cleaners, rightfully so. He tried to hook back up with me but I wanted nothing to do with him. I joined the Navy around that time. I have no idea what happened with him and I don't care to know. The college also forced his resignation. Sleeping with twenty year old students doesn't go over so well. The difference in my story and Helena's is that she knew you were married but you both thought you were a widower. She was in love with you. You and Christine are extending a lot of grace where Helena is concerned. I want to help you do what wasn't really done for me. Now, I would appreciate you keeping this under your hat. It's still slightly embarrassing, all these years later. If anyone asks, I am just doing a friend and his wife a favor." Andrea looked genuinely remorseful but also very guilty.

"No judgement here. And I won't say a word. It's scary that people exist like that. I have three very pretty daughters, two of which will be in college in a couple years. I'm wondering if any convents have opened up." Mike wanted to add some levity to the atmosphere. Andrea was normally upbeat and she seemed a bit downtrodden.

"Not yet. And I am sure my dad would have said the same thing if he had found out. Fortunately he never did. So which one do you figure you'll have the most trouble with? I saw Courtney the other day, a figure like that? And Hannah? She's cuter than a bug's ear. Fortunately you have a few years before you have to worry about your youngest." Andrea cracked a smile because Mike was rubbing his face with his hand.

"Courtney. Hannah is too much of an introvert. And I have to buy Courtney a new swimsuit before the graduation barbeque." Mike had a graduation barbeque for the graduating cadets and he knew his eighteen year old daughter would be there.

"Why?"

"Bikini. Left nothing to the imagination. I made her put one of my t-shirts on but that won't work around a bunch of twenty year old sailors and soldiers. I don't particularly want my baby girl to give up her dreams of going to medical school and becoming a pediatrician to become a Navy wife. She's too good for that crap." Andrea burst out laughing at Mike's comment.

"Talk about over protective dad. What about Hannah? You're not worried about her? Many a fifteen year old has been swept off her feet by a young sailor in his dress whites. Besides, what did Christine's dad say about you?" Andrea was laughing and smiling and Mike was starting to feel better about her mood.

"Well, Christy's dad had known me since I was a year old. They moved in next door when I was little, Christy was three months old and our moms struck up a friendship. Our dads worked on home repairs and such together. We grew up together. Started dating when I was thirteen and she was twelve, and we got married as soon as she got out of school. In Christine's case, she was happy to just be a wife and mom. It's what her mom was, my mom was and really all the neighborhood moms. I was enrolled in police academy, we got a little apartment, and waited to have Courtney until I made detective. She worked some menial jobs to just pass the time and quit when she was five months pregnant. Never worked again…until…anyway, her dad was perfectly fine with the choice she made even when I joined the Navy. I just don't want one of my girls to be in her position if something happens to their partner. I want them to be able to stand on their own. Rather they marry a cop or soldier, or a lawyer or doctor, I don't want them in Christy's position, working four to five jobs. And as odd as this sounds, I don't want them in Helena's position. Helena has job skills but she has relied on her looks to get her what she needs. By doing that, she has undermined her own worth. She was taken advantage of and used, by me and probably other men. I especially don't want that for my girls." Mike was looking back down at the picture of him holding Hannah as a baby and the three year old Courtney.

"Makes a lot of sense. You aren't worried about Hannah though? Sometimes it's the introverted girls like her that tend to be taken advantage of more so." Andrea drew his attention back into the present.

"Hannah is a pretty girl and she has the best heart. Totally selfless. All she wants is to help her mom with the twins and cooking. I honestly don't foresee a problem." Andrea looked at him doubtfully. There was something on her mind.

"Mike, be careful with that line of thought. Hannah is very pretty and unfortunately, through no fault of your own, has been without her father for many years. She maybe introverted but if the wrong guy pays her attention, she can be taken advantage of, very easily. I know this, because at one point, I was her. My dad was gone all the time, Navy. I had younger siblings that I helped Mom with. Instead of cooking, my interests were to do with machines. Not always the best grades. And you know the rest of the story. Just be careful, Mike. You have a beautiful daughter with Courtney and she has the outgoing personality. But with Hannah, you have a shy, equally beautiful daughter who may or may not have daddy issues. It's a girl like that that can be taken advantage of pretty easily." Andrea was back to fiddling with her cover and Mike was looking at the picture, focusing more on the newborn in the picture.

"You're right. I just hadn't thought of it in those terms. I was just thinking of it in terms of Courtney being more outgoing and as badly as I hate saying this, prettier than Hannah. Hannah's best attribute is her heart. She has an absolutely beautiful heart. She's pretty in her own right, don't get me wrong and as her father, I think all my girls are the most beautiful girls on the planet. I do have a daddy daughter date with Hannah tonight. And I have no idea what we are doing. The only thing I know about Hannah is that she struggles in school, she loves to cook and watch the twins and she's totally selfless. And she has my sweet tooth."

"My advice is, get to know that girl. I know you worry about Courtney going to college and you are still bonding with the twins but Hannah needs attention too. It would be easy for her to slip through the cracks." Andrea stood up and walked to the file cabinet to get the roses and envelope. After she picked the items up, she paused before leaving the office. Mike looked up at her and smiled. "Look, I don't mean to offer parenting advice or whatever, I am not a parent anymore. I just understand Hannah's position and I know what could happen to someone like her. It's not something you, Christine or I want for her."

Mike nodded at her and watched as she walked away and down the stairs. He had emailed Christine a copy of the letter and she had texted him back that she was okay with all that was said. Mike's letter had been heartfelt but he was thrilled to get past Helena. He just hoped the letters didn't send a mixed signal to her. His concern was that she would perceive him telling her that he had loved her and cared about her, as a go ahead for an affair. It was not something he wanted. He only wanted Christine. He didn't need or want anyone on the side.

The night before with Christine had been both exhausting and invigorating. They had always had a very passionate, intimate relationship but it had honestly felt exactly like it had when they were first married and just discovering each other's bodies but also a little different because they were both well aware of what their likes and dislikes were and with a lot more experience. In Christine's case; it was only with Mike but she had definitely taken charge. Experience had taught them both a lot and made for an extremely, pleasure filled night. Despite the fact that Christine and Mike had been married for so long and knew each other so well; it was unlike anything Mike had ever experienced.

The day sped by and Mike was able to get off work in time to pick up the kids from school. He didn't like them walking back to the apartment in their neighborhood. Courtney was waiting outside her and Hannah's school but Hannah had gone to the elementary to get the twins. Mike drove around the block and picked them up. Courtney had settled in the passenger seat next to him but Hannah got the twins settled in the booster seats that Mike had just bought. The kids were full of chatter, telling him about their day at school, with the exception of Hannah. She was quiet. Christine met them at the apartment and practically pushed Mike and Hannah back out the door. Courtney was not happy because Mike was taking Hannah out first but Mike really didn't care. Andrea's warning had really scared him. The biggest issue was that he was clueless as to what to do with Hannah, and she didn't help much.

"Do you want to pick stuff out for your room?" It was too early for supper and he was really struggling.

"The room is okay. You don't have to buy anything new for it." Hannah was staring out the truck window. Mike stopped at a red light and considered his options.

"It's pretty generic and I know your mom wants to do some redecorating. She would be fine with you picking stuff out for your room. Do you want to keep that day bed?" The light changed and Mike started driving again.

"The bed is okay. It's comfortable and it's pointless to buy a new one when that one is still okay. Besides, Sarah Elizabeth is really lonely in her room. I will probably be in with her most of the time." Hannah was still looking out her window and Mike took a chance, pulling into a home décor store. There was also a craft store next door that has seemed to pique Hannah's curiosity.

"You want to go in that craft store? Mom told me you liked to paint too. Maybe look at some supplies? I think we are turning the office area into an art studio for you and her. Your bedroom doesn't have good natural light."

"Su…Sure. Does your office have a picture?" It was the closest thing to a smile that Hannah had given all evening. They both got out of the truck and Mike put an arm around Hannah as they walked into the craft store.

"No, and it needs some color. I would love to have one of your paintings in there." They walked to the painting supplies and Hannah was sorting through the canvases. She finally pulled out a sixteen by twenty stretched canvas. Mike put it in the cart and pulled her towards the easels. "Do you or Mom have one of these? Which is better? They have standing and desktop."

"I like the desktop but Mom likes standing better. I've never used one. They only have desktop at my school and no, we don't have one." Mike picked up one of each and sat it in the cart. Hannah looked a little surprised but Mike steered her towards the paints and brushes.

"Okay, I'm at a loss where this stuff is concerned. I remember Mom working with oil. Is that what you want?" Hannah was eyeing both the oil and acrylic paints and Mike finally just grabbed a package of each. They both had multiple colors and would work for both Hannah and Christine. "Okay, brushes?"

"These are best, but it's easier to have separate brushes, for acrylic and oil paints. Also need to get paint thinner. Can we go back to your house and set this stuff up so it's ready for Mom?" Mike was stricken with Hannah's request. She was picking everything out with Christine in mind. It was pointless to argue with her.

"Sure, after dinner. I want to go to that home décor place and find you, at least a new bedspread, curtains and a rug for your room. You won't always want to stay with Sarah Elizabeth and besides, Mom and I can have her with us some too. I do appreciate you wanting to help her become more accustomed to her own room though." Hannah nodded at him but was looking at brushes. She finally picked out the ones that Mike guessed would be what Christine would use. They got double the amount, in addition to a water container for clean the brushes and a smock for her to wear.

After making their purchases and taking them to the truck, Mike steered Hannah towards the home décor store. It was even more stressful then the craft store, because instead of picking things out for herself, she picked stuff out for the twins and her mom. It was frustrating for Mike but he had noticed in all the stuff Hannah picked out, she didn't pick anything out for Courtney. They had a full cart of stuff for Christine and the twins before they even made it to the bedspreads and Hannah didn't seem very interested in anything for herself.

"What's your favorite color? Those walls in that room are beige. Anything would go with it. The day bed frame is black and the dresser and desk is black. You need a comforter, curtains, a rug, and a chair for the desk." Mike was looking at the comforters for day beds, not knowing what a teenager would even like. Hannah finally pointed at a purple bedspread with small, lighter purple flowers on it. Mike noticed it was on clearance and suspected that had more to do with the choice than the actual comforter. He found a braided coil rug that had the same colors in it, along with lilac colored curtains for the single window. Hannah picked out a chair for the desk with a lilac upholstery on it. Mike picked out some pictures, throw pillows and a throw blanket for the bed. Hannah went into the bathroom and while Mike waited, he texted Christine.

 _"This is frustrating. Getting her to pick stuff out for her room has been like pulling teeth but we have stuff for the twins and you. Not Courtney though which is odd."_

 _"No, it's normal. Courtney berates Hannah at times. Doesn't care for her taste. What are the plans now?"_

 _"Dinner and we're going to take this stuff back to the house. Got art supplies by the way. I think she was picking stuff out for you more than herself. She did seem excited about painting a picture for my office though."_

 _"That's my girl. Just go with it, Mike. It's easier than arguing with her. Arguing only upsets her. You'll find a balance with her. She loves spoiling other people, enabling her to do that may be the best thing you can do. Just be patient."_

 _"Yeah, I'm figuring that out. She just left the bathroom. I'll talk to you in a few hours. I love you."_

 _"Love you too. Enjoy your time with her. By the way, aside from sweets, she LOVES pancakes. Just a hint."_

 _"Thanks."_

"So, what did you want for supper?" Mike had finished paying for everything and they were loading things in the truck.

"Anything you want, Dad. I'm okay with whatever."

"Well, I was thinking I wanted pancakes. Been craving them, especially since we had those this morning. They won't be so good but I know a spot. A group of us from work eat there quite a bit and they have good deserts too. Sound good?" Mike had finished loading everything and Hannah put the cart away. She got in the truck next to him with a broad smile.

"Yeah, that sounds really good. I wanted chocolate chip pancakes this morning but you didn't have any chocolate chips and Mom doesn't like the twins to have that much sugar so early in the morning."

"Alright, pancakes it is." Mike started the truck and headed towards the restaurant. Hannah was still smiling and seemed lighter. Christine had made a point, let Hannah just be Hannah.

They found the restaurant and Hannah ate her weight in pancakes and then they went to an ice cream place next door. As they were eating their ice cream, Hannah asked him for five dollars. What impressed him was that she took the five dollars, bought a cheeseburger and took it outside and gave it to a homeless man. When she came back inside, she went back to eating her ice cream and made no more comments about the older homeless man. All Mike could think was that maybe Christine had been right, maybe Hannah had been switched at birth because there was no way that he and Christine could have created someone like Hannah.


	9. Chapter 9

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 9

Mike was back at his office working on paperwork when Andrea walked in and shut the door. He immediately looked up at her and knew that she wanted to talk to him about Helena. He knew the conversation wouldn't be easy but it was necessary. He sat his pen down and looked up at Andrea.

"And so?"

"She was genuinely surprised by the flowers and letters. I stayed with her while she read them, drank a glass of wine with her. She appreciates everything but she is ready to move on with her life. Told me about her job in New York. She is really excited about it." Andrea was withholding something and Mike knew it.

"I hear a but in there though?"

"Not really. I got her backstory. What I warned you about concerning Hannah yesterday? Helena has a similar story. Her parents put everything into her older sister. Helena fended for herself and was taken advantage of by a lot of people." Andrea was fidgeting with her cover. For whatever reason, she was fixated on Hannah.

"I figured there was a similar story and God knows, I didn't do her any favors. As far as Hannah is concerned, I took some time out with her last night. She just wants to do for others. Christy tells me to just go with it. I did really enjoy the time with her. She just seems uncomfortable with me." Andrea had always been a good sounding board and had listened to him intently.

"You've been gone for six years, Mike. She may be afraid to get too attached. Easier to distance herself."

"So how do I fix it?" Mike was fiddling with his pen and looking at the picture of him holding Hannah.

"Take a couple hours a week with her doing what she wants to do. And in all honesty, doing that with all four kids is a good idea."

"Granted. So, playing with dollies with Sarah Elizabeth, playing baseball with Mikey, filling out college applications with Courtney and feeding the homeless with Hannah?" Mike had to make light because the mood was becoming serious.

"None of that sounds so bad and quality time with Christine is a good idea too."

"Yeah, we had Sunday night. She's ready to move out of the apartment. Just waiting on school to let out and for the weekends." Mike smiled up at Andrea and she burst out laughing.

"Well, I am sure this is an odd thing to say but I know you were getting laid with Helena, but it's different with Christine? No wonder there's a bounce in your step."

"Completely. Christine surprised me. I figured she wouldn't want to do that after me cheating on her but she did. Makes a double bed with two six year olds really interesting. And Sarah Elizabeth is a cuddler." Mike stood up and walked to the windows to watch the training. Andrea stood next to him and looked down and frowned at some of the female recruits.

"Why are they not fighting? Mike? They signed up to serve their country and sometimes it's not a nice job. No manicures in the Navy? As far as Sarah Elizabeth is concerned; you wouldn't have it any other way." Andrea had walked back over and grabbed her cover. She was going downstairs to dress down the recruits. "They are too worried about their makeup and hair. I get that we need to boost numbers in all the branches but really?"

"Go, get 'em. I agree. I had one ask me yesterday if her red nail polish would ever match a uniform. I am putting you in charge of writing the new policies for this." Andrea nodded at him and walked out of the room, immediately yelling for the female recruits to form up. Mike watched them for a couple minutes. Andrea had them doing pushups and chin ups.

Mike was able to get back to the apartment by four and had already made the decision that he would spend some time with Courtney. Christine was working late and Hannah would handle the younger kids. When he walked in, Hannah was cooking dinner, Courtney was watching TV and studying and Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth were playing on the floor next to Hannah. Mike quietly grabbed Hannah and walked her into the bedroom. He didn't want to just leave her alone with the two younger kids without asking her first.

"Hey, sweetie, I wanted to take Courtney out for a couple hours like I did you last night but if you had something going on; it can wait. I would need you to watch the twins since Mom's working."

"Dad, its fine. The kids are my responsibility when Mom is working. I need to get back out there before supper burns." Hannah walked to the bedroom door but Mike stopped her before she opened it and put both hands on her shoulders.

"No, sweetie, they are my responsibility or Mom's. I want to spend time with all of you kids but I will not take advantage of you. If you don't want to watch them; I haven't said anything to Court and can wait. You just tell me. You get some choice in this."

"Its fine, Dad. But…could you get me something sweet? Please?" Mike had to smile at the small fifteen year old. She definitely had his sweet tooth.

"Absolutely. I love you, sweetheart and I promise, things are going to get better for you." Hannah smiled back at him and kissed his cheek before walking back into the kitchen to tend to her dinner. Mike kissed the top of her head as he walked by and ruffled Mikey's hair and he walked by him.

"Courtney, five minutes. My truck. You and I are going out." Courtney looked at him a bit oddly but jumped up, presumably to change her clothes. Mike had already changed out of his uniform and Hannah looked at him with a raised eyebrow, reminding Mike of her mother. "I have to give her a time limit or I will be waiting all night."

"I see." Hannah went back to stirring her spaghetti sauce but had a smile on her face. Mike leaned down and kissed both the twins goodbye and promised to be back to tuck them in. He gave Hannah another kiss before he yelled for Courtney to hurry up. Seven minutes after he had told her to get ready, she came out of the bedroom. She was still putting on one boot and didn't have her jacket on.

"Court, it's just me. Not a hot date. If I had my way, you would still be content to wear pink corduroy overalls, converses, and pigtails. Let's go. Hannah, you have my cell phone number, call if you need anything. Love you guys." Mike pulled Courtney out with him and shut the door. "So, what do you want to do, Court?"

"I'm hungry." Mike and Courtney were walking down the steps and Mike grabbed her arm before they went out amongst the gang bangers. It made Mike nervous, leaving Hannah alone with the twins but he had locked the door on his way out. She would use the chain and Edwin Miller was next door.

Courtney suggested a restaurant that was serving sushi. It reminded Mike of something Helena would choose. He tried not to focus on that and simply focus on his oldest daughter. It was not his favorite food and Courtney picked up on it.

"So is this going to be a normal thing? Dinner out?" Courtney was eating some roll thing and Mike was sticking with rice.

"Yes. I want to try and take a night out with each of you kids."

"Good. I will pick somewhere other than sushi next time, you are not a fan of it." Courtney sit her fork down and Mike and she stood up.

"I am a fan of spending time with you but not sushi. What next?" Mike paid the bill and they walked out to the truck.

"Home. I have a test to study for and I know you're nervous about leaving Hannah alone." Mike was a little surprised by Courtney because he had started to think she was totally self-centered. It was a reminder to him that she had her good points too.

"You sure?" They had gotten in the truck and put their seat belts on and Mike was backing the truck up.

"Yep. Once I get out of high school; I won't have to study like this. I also need to work on that essay. The deadline is coming up." Mike headed the truck towards a place that sold pies to get Hannah's request. "Dad, the apartment is that way?"

"I know. Hannah wanted something sweet and I'm craving apple pie. I know a place. And as far as studying; you'll still have to do that. I will just make a point to take you out for a couple hours at least once a week, provided you want to spend time with your old dad." Mike pulled into the small diner where he knew he could get a fresh apple pie to take back to the apartment. Courtney unbuckled her seatbelt and grinned over at him.

"Of course. Thank you for wanting to. You are planning on taking Mom out for a date night right?" They had both gotten out and were walking towards the diner.

"I plan on it, but with her work schedule it's more logistically challenging. I also don't want to leave Hannah responsible for the twins all the time as you are usually studying."

"She doesn't mind." Courtney sat down at the counter and Mike sat next to her.

"I do. She needs time to be a kid. It's part of being a parent. Your mom and I made that sacrifice when you were born and again with Hannah, Lucas and the twins. Your needs come above our own. And it's not even a sacrifice. It's just part of being a parent." Courtney nodded at him and the owner, Sally walked up with a huge smile. Mike was a frequent customer.

"And who is this lovely young lady, Mike?" Courtney gave her most charming smile. Sally knew Mike on a first name basis because he had a weakness for pie and was at the diner at least once a week.

"This is my oldest daughter, Courtney. I found Christine and my girls. Plus two, a boy and girl." Sally gave him a broad smile. She was the motherly sort and Mike had told her about his missing family. She had been a confidante.

"Oh, I am so happy for you, Mike. I just knew they had to be out there somewhere. And you have two new babies? Tell me about them and I want to know about Christine and your other daughter." Sally had filled his coffee cup and gave Courtney a soft drink without even asking. Courtney was intrigued with the animated older woman.

"Well, Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth aren't really babies, just six years old. Mikey loves sports and Sarah Elizabeth is all girl. I'll bring Hannah in here sometime. She wanted something sweet and I was craving apple pie. Do you have one I can take to go? Christine is good. We'll be moving them to my place soon as school is out and Court graduates." Mike glossed over a lot of it; he would have the conversation with Sally at some other point. Courtney didn't need to be privy to everything, despite whatever she thought. Sally nodded at him in understanding and started dishing up an apple pie and homemade whipped topping in a to go box.

"I can't wait to meet that wife of yours and those other babies. And don't you know, no matter how old they get, they are still your babies?" Sally winked at Mike, knowing what he was communicating without saying a word. He had spent a lot of time at the diner. She was easy to talk to and knew some of the details of his life no one knew, not even Tom or Andrea. It was Sally that Mike went to when he was feeling suicidal.

"I will definitely bring them by. Hannah, especially, will love this place." Mike drained his coffee cup and threw some money on the counter. Courtney drained her own drink and grabbed the pie container. Mike gave Sally a hug and kiss on the cheek. The older woman pulled him down to whisper in his ear.

"Come by some morning and we'll talk. You have something on your mind. I know you too well. You're happy but…" Mike nodded at her and pulled away. He wrapped an arm around his daughter and waved goodbye. As they were walking to the truck, Courtney looked at him suspiciously.

"Who was that, Dad? She seemed to know you really well."

"Just a friend. Sally is easy to talk to and I needed a friend who was not Navy." Courtney and Mike both got in the truck and she was buckling her seatbelt. She still had an odd look on her face and Mike knew he was going to have to be more specific. "Court, I thought my entire family was dead. There were times that I would get really depressed. I couldn't talk to Tom or anyone because it would have reflected negatively on my leadership abilities. Sally and I would talk about my issues. She is pretty motherly. I spent many nights parked at the counter, with Sally talking me out of killing myself. Nothing more or less."

"I see. I guess I didn't realize how hard it was for you. So she was what? A therapist for you?" Mike was driving towards the apartment and Courtney looked over at him.

"Something of the sort. It was hellish." Mike wanted to change the subject. Admitting to his oldest daughter that he had been suicidal was not a good idea but Christine already knew it and in time, Hannah would probably find out as well. He just hoped the twins didn't find it out anytime soon. He was not proud of the fact. "So, changing the subject, do you have the subject matter for the Scott Scholarship Essay?"

"Yeah. It's pretty open but it's one of the hardest essays with really complicated requirements. My counselor thought I was crazy for even wanting to apply for it. I have to defend my essay to the board and everything." Courtney sounded slightly whiny about it and Mike gave her a look.

"It's highly sought after. And given that you are my daughter, that board will hold you to a very high standard. Your connection will do you no favors. Tom has already said he'll abstain from voting and I would suspect a few of the other members might." Mike was pulling into the apartment building parking lot and was happy to see Christine's vehicle there.

"Why is it so hard to get and sought after?" Mike pulled into the parking spot and they both got out of the truck.

"Doctor Scott was the epitome of professionalism, but she had her flaws. If she was on that board; she would be very selective in who got that scholarship. It would only be the best of the best. I am thankful I am not on that board, honestly." Mike and Courtney were walking up the stairs and she nodded over at him.

"The counselor said that if my essay was chosen to be defended, that in itself is a huge honor. Let alone winning the scholarship."

"I know it sounds horrible but the selection process is reminiscent of Doctor Scott. She was a difficult person but she earned every honor."

"Is it true that she lied to you all? About the Red Flu?" Mike and Courtney had gotten to the fourth floor and Mike knocked on the apartment door.

"Yes. She had to. If she told us the truth, we would have booked it home. That's what I wanted to do. But it wouldn't have gotten the cure found." Christine opened the door and let Mike and Courtney in, immediately kissing Mike. She looked exhausted and Courtney headed towards her room, after putting the pie on the counter. Hannah was giving baths to the twins and Mike pulled Christine into another kiss since they had a tiny bit of privacy.

"Mmm. How was your day?" Christine wrapped both arms around Mike's neck and leaned in for another kiss.

"Good. Yours?"

"Long. Too long. My feet hurt. Did Andrea say anything about Helena?" Christine pulled away but only because she opened the lid for the pie and let out a low whistle. She reached for a couple saucers. Apparently she wanted pie too.

"Mmm-Hmm. Not a lot. Just that she was ready to move on. Was appreciative of both letters and the flowers. Andrea also took her chocolate and wine."

"That's good, I guess. I honestly feel bad for her. It's obvious she really loved you. But we need to move on from all that. This pie looks so good." Christine dished up pie on her plate and Mikes, but left the rest for Hannah.

"Yeah, Hannah wanted something sweet and I wanted pie. A friend owns a diner that makes the best pies in St. Louis. So, here we are. Whipped cream is homemade too." Christine smiled broadly at him and bit into the pie.

"Wow. This is delicious. Hannah will love it. You should take her there."

"Plan to. I am going to try and make a point to spend time with all four kids. A night a week. I need to reconnect with the older girls and get to know the twins. And then a date night with you. " Mike leaned over and gave Christine another kiss. She had dished up a single piece of pie and put the rest in the fridge.

"Good idea. I don't want the twins to have that kind of sugar so late. That piece is for Hannah. As far as date night, I love that idea but I want to wait until we get settled in the house. I don't want to put a lot on Hannah here."

"I agree. I felt odd leaving her alone with them. I know she's handled it before when you were working but I hate her having so much responsibility when I am capable of helping. It's hard to explain." Christine sat down beside him and patted his knee.

"I understand. So my suggestion is; Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth are easy. Spend time with them here. It gives them the time they need and then later you can spend time individually with them once we've moved. Do spend time alone with the two older girls. I get off early on Monday and Wednesday nights. Plan it for those nights so Hannah isn't responsible for the kids on Courtney's night. As far as I am concerned, I am fine with not having date nights right now until we figure things out. I have you on the weekends in that big bed. And that sounded like I was objectifying you, Whoops!" Christine gave him a cute smile that told him that she was not necessarily sorry. Mike couldn't say he minded either. It truly felt like they were newly married.

"Ah, what can I say, it's a comfortable bed."

"It's not so much about the bed as it is the person next to me or over me…under me…" Christine had said it quietly because of the kids being so close but she was blushing.

"Ah-huh. Likewise." Mike grinned over at her and she burst out laughing.

"Geez, you would think I was some teenage girl and we were still fooling around in the basement. I hate being here through the week. Not only because you and I don't get private time but I really am missing that which is weird since I had been without for six years." Mike nodded at her in agreement.

"I feel the same way and as we know, I didn't go without the last three months. She was not you. Don't feel guilty. I would say it's kind of natural. It's not so much about objectifying the other as it is about making up for a lot of lost time. And not just in bed." Mike leaned down and kissed her again but pulled away when Hannah and the twins walked back in. The twins both ran to him for hugs.

"Hey, Hannah, Dad got apple pie and homemade whipped cream. Really good too. I'll put the twins to bed, you enjoy." Christine stood up, and put Hannah's plate in front of her and gently prodded her to sit in Christine's abandoned seat. Hannah looked thrilled with her piece of pie and immediately dug in. Mike stood up and kissed the side of her head, putting the rest of his pie on her plate. She grinned up at him and leaned into him for a second. Mike had noticed that she was not overly affectionate so it was an odd move.

"You okay, sweetie?" Mike wrapped his arms around her but allowed her to continue eating.

"Yeah, I just have really missed you hugging me like this." Mike leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

"Well, I really missed hugging you like this. Did the twins give you many issues?"

"No. They were good. What nights are you taking them out?" Hannah looked over at Mike and he sat down next to her again.

"Mom and I have worked it out; I'll take you on Monday nights and Courtney on Wednesdays. On the other nights, I'll just hang out here with all of you. Once we move into the house, we'll figure something else out where they are concerned. I want to do this so that I can spend as much time with you and Court. It gives me a chance to know you girls again and for you to know me again. What do you think of the pie?"

"It is really good but I like cherry pie better. Does that diner have cherry? Courtney told me about it when I got my shower stuff." Hannah had finished her pie and was washing up her dishes.

"I will stop by and speak to the owner, make sure she has some Monday night. You used to like Nana's raisin cream."

"I like any pie. Just hard to find someone who can make raisin cream. Strawberry pie is good too. And lemon meringue and key lime and…"

"Wow. How do you stay so tiny?" Hannah looked down at herself.

"Dad, I know you are hardwired to think we're perfect but I am fat. I'm not like Courtney." Apparently Hannah had self-esteem issues. She was short but she had Mike's larger frame. Mike's mom would have called her stocky.

"No, sweetie. You are perfect and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Seriously, if someone tells you that, they are wrong. You are beautiful. But beyond physically, you have an absolutely beautiful heart and soul. Your mom and I are beyond proud of you. Don't compare yourself to your sister, because you are in a league all your own. And if some stupid boy tells you otherwise, just let me deal with him." Mike wrapped both arms around Hannah and kissed her again and just held her. He honestly didn't know what else to do. "I love you, sweetie, more than you will ever know."

"I love you too, Dad. I really did miss this." Hannah smiled up at him and hung onto him for a minute before grabbing her change of clothes and shower items. Mike walked into the bedroom that he and Christine shared with the twins. She was reading to them and lying next to him and Mike got in next to Sarah Elizabeth and she immediately cuddled close. As cramped as they were, Mike was going to miss the routine once they moved into the much larger house.


	10. Chapter 10

Just a word of warning, this chapter has mentions of a brutal sexual assault and beating. If this bothers you, I apologize. Please enjoy and review.

 **Loss of Time**

Chapter 10

Thursday, Mike was late getting off work due to some disciplinary issues with a few of the recruits. It was almost eight before he got to the apartment and Christine was also working late. Mike hated the idea of his kids being alone but knew it was something they were used to. As Mike walked into the ground floor of the apartment building, he noticed a couple of the gang bangers hanging around the entrance to the basement. Instead of breaking them up like he should have he walked up the stairs but kept an eye on them. His gut was telling him something was going on but he just wanted to get to his kids. When he unlocked the door and then knocked on it; he was shocked to see Mikey answer the door. Usually Hannah let him in but she was nowhere in sight. Courtney was lying on the couch, watching TV and the twins were playing on the floor, when they should have been getting ready for bed.

"Court, where's Hannah?" Mike leaned over the back of the couch and shook his oldest daughter's arm to get her attention.

"Basement doing laundry." Courtney looked back to the TV but Mike's heart was racing.

"How long has she been down there?" Mike threw his briefcase down on the chair and shook Courtney again.

"Jeez, Dad. Since supper. I needed an outfit washed for tomorrow." Courtney had Mike's temperament but Mike didn't care.

"Stay in this apartment. I mean it. Get these kids to bed. I'm going downstairs." Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth drew back a bit at his raised voice and even Courtney rose up off the couch.

"Dad, she's probably just drawing. She gets distracted easy. She probably started drawing and forgot she had supper dishes to do." Mike just shook his head at Courtney. It was irritating.

"Lock the chain." Mike shut the door behind him and realized he didn't have a weapon. He looked towards the Miller's door and decided to chance making Edwin mad to borrow his. He lightly pounded on the door so not to wake Mrs. Miller up and finally Edwin opened the door.

"Is everything okay?" The old man looked worried and Mike noticed him looking towards the other apartment door.

"Do you have a weapon I can borrow? Hannah has been downstairs for over two hours. The gang bangers were hanging around when I came in. It's a bad feeling but…" Edwin nodded at Mike and opened the door. Mike figured he would just be handed a gun and told to return it but the old man handed Mike a Glock 19 and grabbed a .357 revolver for himself.

"My wife will be alright. You aren't going down there by yourself, sonny. No telling what you'll find when you get there." Edwin had a very odd look on his face and Mike's stomach was flip flopping.

"Do you know something?" Mike was guiding the old man down the steps and had to ask.

"I hear things and that gang...their new initiation is to take turns with a girl. Sometimes it's consensual and sometimes not. I think the cops call it gang raping." Mike felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. As soon as he and Edwin got to the bottom of the steps, the bangers started running out the doors. Part of Mike, the cop part of him, wanting to run after them but both Mike and Edwin could hear someone crying. "Sonny, I'll stay up here. There is no telling what shape she'll be in and I doubt she'll want an old man to see that. She won't want you to see it either but its better that you do than me. I have my cellphone and I'll call Christine and the police."

"She should be about here." Mike started down the basement steps with the gun out in case he encountered anymore gang bangers. As he got to the bottom of the dingy steps, the crying got louder and he could tell it was Hannah. "Sweetie, it's me. No one will hurt you but I can't see you. It's too dark. Where are you?"

"Here. Daddy, can I have your coat? My clothes are all ripped and I don't want you to see." Mike glanced to his left and immediately put the gun in his waistband and took the coat off and tossed it towards Hannah's voice and then turned his back so she could have privacy to cover herself up. Mike's heart had completely broken and he hadn't even actually seen Hannah. As his eyes adjusted to the dark, he could tell there had been quite the struggle.

"Mom will be here soon but can I turn around? I need to be able to assess your injuries." Mike's training as a cop and the medical training he had taken for it took over. There was a fair amount of blood on the floor, telling him that Hannah might be seriously injured.

"I…I'm scared. Please don't hurt me."

"Oh, baby." Mike turned around and walked towards Hannah's voice. As he got closer, he noticed the absolutely shattered look on her face. As soon as he reached for her, she drew back. She had the coat clutched around her and was sitting on the ground, with her knees drawn up in a defensive manner and was rocking back and forth. There was blood on her face and he could see bruising starting on both arms. "Sweetie, tell me what happened. I won't hurt you and I'm not mad."

"I tried to fight back but there were so many of them. I should have…when's Mom going to be here? I want Mom." Mike knelt down in front of her and started to put his hand on her shoulder but she drew back and swung at him. He was easily able to duck her strike but it meant that he could not control any of the bleeding or help her with an obviously broken wrist. He was at a total loss as to what to do.

"Okay, Hannah, you have some type of wound on your stomach and I really need to put pressure on that wound because it looks like they may have knicked an artery. I also need to lay you down so you don't go into shock. I can help you up the stairs if you want but I will have to touch you to make that happen. Mom isn't due home for a half hour or so but I can call her. I just don't have phone reception down her and I won't leave you alone. I know whatever they did to you is horrible and you don't trust anyone right now but you know I won't hurt you, baby. I have to be able to help you. You could die and Mom and I can't lose you."

Hannah had her eyes squeezed shut and finally leaned forward. Mike very gently and delicately picked her up. She was as stiff as a board and completely dead weight as Mike carried her up the stairs. She hadn't opened her eyes and he was worried she was losing consciousness. As soon as he got to the top of the stairs, he very gently laid her down and started assessing her injuries. Edwin came up beside him and put his flannel shirt under Hannah's head. She opened her eyes for a second but then closed them again.

"I'll call 9-1-1 back and tell them we need an ambulance. They said the police will be here shortly." Edwin struggled to get back on his feet while Mike was trying to stop the bleeding from a stab wound on Hannah's upper abdomen.

"Tell them she needs a female paramedic. She has a stab wound to her upper left quadrant in her abdomen, and a broken wrist. She also has a head wound that is bleeding heavily. I do believe there may be some arterial damage in her abdomen and I am trying to stop the bleeding. And definite on the sexual assault by numerous assailants."

"How can you tell?" Edwin was looking at Mike in curiosity.

"She wore a skirt to school this morning and her panties were on the floor about ten feet from her. Her general demeanor is also leading me to believe it." Mike had only briefly looked up at Edwin. When he looked back down towards Hannah, her eyes had opened back up and she had a look of total shame. As Edwin walked back outside to make the call; Mike struggled to come up with something to say to her.

"There were eight of them. They took turns and one would hold me down while the other ones raped me. I tried to fight back but they said they would kill the twins. I finally just stopped fighting. I didn't want them to hurt Sarah Elizabeth or Mikey. I wish they had just killed me." Hannah had tears rolling down her face and Mike's heart was breaking. He had no words of wisdom and he was terrified that Hannah would give up.

"It's okay. Just hang on a little longer, sweetie. I know it all hurts but you're so tough. I am so proud of you." Hannah just shook her head at Mike and closed her eyes again. Edwin walked back in and stood next to Mike.

"They're sending a female officer and the ambulance that's on its way has a female paramedic and EMT. I also went ahead and called Christine. She's left work early and is on her way home."

"Mom? I want Mom." Hannah had opened her eyes again when she heard Edwin say Christine's name.

"She'll be here really soon, sweetie. Real soon. Just hang on." Mike could hear the approaching sirens and all he could do was hope that Hannah would just hang on. The wound on her stomach was bleeding profusely and Mike had blood all over his hands. He had also noticed that she had a handprint shaped bruising forming on her throat and a slash mark beside it. The slash was not overly deep. It had been a very brutal attack. A female officer and her partner walked in and the female officer leaned down next to Mike while her partner kept his distance.

"I am Officer Jadwin. My partner, Officer Smith is over there." She said quietly to Mike as she put a pair of gloves on to assist Mike in controlling the bleeding. Hannah's eyes opened again and gave Mike the most hopeless look.

"This is Hannah Slattery. Age fifteen. My name is Mike Slattery, her dad. I was a homicide detective in Chicago years ago. The attack occurred down in the basement and you do have an active crime scene down there but I removed her from it to better assess her injuries. It was too dark down there. She is conscious but only has said that there were eight of them, with one holding her down. Obviously she fought back, looking at the defensive wounds on her hands. She did say that they told her if she continued fighting, they would kill her younger brother and sister. When I came in from work, I noticed several young males, all races and dressed in gang garb, milling around here. That in itself isn't so unusual but when I got upstairs, I realized that Hannah was downstairs doing laundry, I came down here with Edwin Miller. The gang bangers ran off then and I went to the basement. Hannah was in the corner on the southeast side. Her panties were approximately 10 feet to the left of her. She wore a skirt to school this morning and it was pushed up and her shirt was ripped. She asked for my coat to cover up with." Mike hated how disassociated it made him sound. He had to not look at it as a father and look at it as a former cop. Fortunately the paramedic and her partner walked in. They immediately started tending to Hannah, who fortunately was allowing them to. Officer Smith had gone downstairs to secure the crime scene and call for a detective.

"Can she identify any of them?" Officer Jadwin had stood up at the same time Mike had to give the paramedic and EMT room to work on Hannah.

"Maybe. It was really dark though so it's hard to say. I have not pushed for a full statement. I didn't want to taint the case, especially if she is unable to give a statement later. My wife, her mother should be getting here soon." Mike was watching every move the medical crew was making. Hannah's eyes were still open and she was crying. It was one of the saddest things Mike had ever seen.

"Mom? Mommy?" Hannah was looking at Mike and he bent down next to her again and gave her as much of a smile as he could muster. He had noticed her reverting back to calling him Daddy and calling Christine Mommy. It was disconcerting.

"She should be getting here really soon." Mike could hear Officer Jadwin's radio telling her that another officer outside was sending a family member in and Christine quickly came through the door. She gave Mike a horrified look when she got closer but like Mike, immediately disassociated herself from the severity of the injuries.

"It's okay, baby. It's okay." Christine was running her hand through Hannah's hair and gave her a soft smile. The EMT stood up and went outside, presumably to get the gurney.

"Okay, she is ready to go. Mom, if you want to ride with us, you are more than welcome. It might be better, by the way. My name is Sarah and my partner is Josie." The paramedic was talking to both Mike and Christine as she assessed the wound on Hannah's neck.

"Yes. I will. Mike, the kids?"

"Upstairs with Court. I'll go up and change clothes and make sure they are okay before I follow you to the hospital. Our insurance is Military and we have an agreement with Mercy General." Sarah nodded at Mike and her partner wheeled the gurney in. Between Christine, Sarah, Josie and Officer Jadwin, they had Hannah on it and no time with the blanket up to her waist. Mike was handed his coat but it was covered in blood. Mike leaned down next to the gurney and kissed Hannah's forehead.

"I am so, so, sorry I didn't get here sooner. I love you, sweetheart." Mike gave her another kiss before they started rolling her away. Christine put both hands on Mike's shoulders and he leaned into her for just a moment.

"You okay?"

"No. She's terrified. How is she ever going to be okay again? There were eight of them. They took turns with her and threatened Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth because she fought back." Mike pulled away so Christine could go to ambulance.

"Why was she down there anyway?"

"Courtney needed something washed for tomorrow. She'd been downstairs since dinnertime. I'll go see about the laundry, go up and make sure the twins are in bed and Courtney has what she needs." Christine nodded at Mike and reached up and gave him a kiss.

"See you in a bit. And take it easy on Courtney. I get that you are angry right now. If it had been her that had gone downstairs to do laundry, we'd be going to the hospital with her. Although, I am really worried about Hannah now. She just isn't as strong as Courtney."

"I know, me too. She might surprise us though. See you in a bit." Mike gave Christine another kiss and made his way downstairs to speak with Officer Jadwin. The laundry was in a basket, unwashed. It was not being taken into evidence so Mike could take it with him. He gave her his contact information so the detective could reach out for a statement. The detective would also be going to the hospital to get the rape kit but Hannah wouldn't be ready for a statement. She would be having surgery on her stomach.

Edwin had gone upstairs to check on the kids and to be with his wife. On the walk up the stairs, Mike calmed himself down so he didn't say anything stupid to Courtney. It really wasn't her fault because knowing Hannah, she had probably volunteered to do the laundry. It was just a horribly, tragic situation. When he walked into the apartment, the twins were still awake and Courtney had apparently not even tried to get them settled. Mike was having trouble keeping his temper in check but it definitely wasn't the twin's fault.

"Alright, Mikey, Sarah Elizabeth, bedtime. I'll tuck you in." Mike picked Mikey up and gave Sarah Elizabeth his hand. Thankfully they were being compliant.

"Daddy, where's Hannah and Mommy? If Mommy isn't home, Hannah stays with us until we go to sleep." Sarah Elizabeth followed Mike into the bedroom and he ran his hand through her curls. How was he going to explain to two six year olds that their favorite sibling had been brutally attacked?

"Mommy and Hannah had to go see a doctor and I need to get there too. Hannah got a little hurt and she needs some help from the doctor." Thankfully the kids were in their pajamas. Mike tucked them in and gave them both a kiss. Both kids looked scared.

"Are Hannah and Mommy going to be home tonight?" Mikey had risen up slightly but Mike rubbed his shoulder to calm him.

"I don't think so but Courtney will be and I will try and get back here as soon as possible. Now, I do need you guys to go to sleep. I'll be here in the morning when you wake up, okay? And I'll take you to school." Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth looked at each other and then back at Mike. They both nodded at each other and squeezed their eyes shut, willing themselves to sleep. If Mike hadn't been so worried about Hannah, he would have found it funny. Instead he just kissed them both on the forehead. "Be good for your sister. I love you guys." The twins kept their eyes shut but nodded at Mike. He watched them for a minute and then got up and went into the living room after grabbing a change of clothes.

"Dad, what's going on?" Courtney met him in the kitchen and Mike bit back an angry response.

"Hannah was attacked in the basement. Pretty brutally. She was raped, stabbed and beaten. Your mom is riding with her to the hospital and she will most likely have to have surgery. I need you to watch the kids tonight. They were all but asleep. I will be back before school to take you guys. Keep the apartment locked up and use the chain. I need to change clothes but could you get a bag of comfortable clothes for Hannah?" Mike dodged into the bathroom to change his own clothes and he could hear Courtney moving around. When he walked out of the bathroom, there was a tote bag on the couch and Courtney was waiting on him. "If you all need anything, Edwin is next door and you have my cellphone number. Call me. Mom will have her hands full with Hannah." Mike turned away because he was still trying to calm himself. He leaned over and gave Courtney a kiss goodnight, grabbed the tote bag and headed for the door.

"Dad, I have an after school thing tomorrow. I need you or Mom home because I won't be able to watch the twins. It's Hannah's job anyway." Mike paused at the door and rubbed his face. He had washed his hands but they were still stained with Hannah's blood.

"I will try. No promises. Your mom is going to be busy with Hannah and Hannah is completely out of commission right now. You are going to have to take some responsibility. See you in the morning. Call me if you need anything." Mike walked out of the door before Courtney could say anything else. She didn't seem to grasp how seriously Hannah was injured.

The trip to the hospital only took Mike about five minutes and he found parking in the long term parking lot, hoping it wouldn't be that long. As he was walking into the hospital, Tom called him. Mike remembered he also had work the next morning and he was going to need help. He answered the phone, praying that Tom would help him.

 _"Hey, Sasha and I are going to have a dinner party tomorrow night and wanted to invite you and Christine and the kids."_

 _"Thanks, but I don't know if we'll make it. I am walking into the hospital right now."_

 _"What's going on?" Mike could pick up on the concern in Tom's voice and so he paused in the lobby of the E.R._

 _"Hannah was attacked in the basement of the apartment building. She was raped, beaten and stabbed. She fought back but there were eight assailants. Christine is with her now and I just got to the hospital."_

 _"Oh my God. How badly beaten and stabbed?"_

 _"The stab wound is to the upper abdomen and they hit an artery. I put pressure on it once I found her but I'm not sure. She also has a broken wrist and they had tried to strangle her. Despite all that, she also had defensive wounds on both hands and arms. She fought back hard."_

 _"Damn monsters. I know what you need but don't want to ask for. I'll cover you at work. As long as you need."_

 _"Thanks. I hated asking. Hannah is going to be leaning on her mom more so but I will need to cover the other three kids so Christy can handle Hannah. Andrea is working on some policies concerning the female recruits. She can brief you on them. I also had to discipline a couple of them for starting a fight in a bar. Wilson, Alexander and Grover. You'll find my notes in their files. I need to concentrate on better recruitments the next class. These are the bottom of the barrel so to speak."_

 _"I will handle it. Don't worry about a thing and I will explain everything to the President. Just concentrate on your kids and Christine."_

 _"Thank you so much. Call me if you need anything."_

 _"Will do and likewise. If you all need anything, help with the kids or anything at all, just call."_

 _"Thanks."_

Mike hung up the phone and entered the busy E.R. He looked around for Christine but didn't see her. He finally had to stop and ask a nurse at the front desk.

"I'm Mike Slattery, Hannah Slattery's father. I don't see her or my wife anywhere." Mike was getting scared and the nurse seemed to sense it.

"I was here when she was brought in. We were able to get the bleeding to that wound in her stomach clamped off without surgery. A surgeon is confident that she is okay. Her left wrist is broken, but also not requiring surgery. They have taken X-Rays of her throat to make sure it's okay. Aside from numerous lacerations from defending herself and broken ribs, she's okay aside from the sexual assault. They just finished the sexual assault exam and her mother is with her and a counselor. Your wife mentioned that she thought you are a universal donor?" The nurse had stood up and was guiding Mike down a hallway.

"I am. Does Hannah need blood? She lost a lot at the scene."

"Yes, sir. Normally we would have just used blood from blood bank but there was a pile up on I-44 tonight and we are out. If you would be willing to donate to Hannah, we might actually be able to get her out of here tonight."

"Little soon, don't you think? And of course I will donate."

"Good. The counselor hasn't released her yet so it may not happen tonight and she is begging to go home. She's highly embarrassed by all this which isn't an uncommon reaction." The nurse guided Mike into a room and began the process for a blood donation.

"She doesn't need to be embarrassed." Mike could hear Christine's voice and another voice but not Hannah's. He was trying to listen into the conversation but there were was too much noise and Christine would tell him everything anyway.

"Embarrassment and blaming herself is going to be normal. She is very deeply traumatized but she is a tough girl. Most young women would have given into it and would have died but your daughter fought back and persevered. The thing with a sexual assault; one as brutal as hers; is that it's not so much about surviving the rape but surviving the storm it causes. That is where your wife and you come in. I know this is a storm for your entire family but Hannah is going to lean on you and her mom especially. With you, she'll have to learn to trust men again and every girl needs her mom in something like this. It's going to take time but I think she'll be alright." The nurse finished up with Mike and indicated for her to follow her. In the room next to where Mike had been, Christine was standing next to a hospital room with an older woman next to her. Another nurse was working on Hannah's left arm, putting a cast on it. Mike stood and watched them for a minute and the one thing he noticed was how strong Hannah seemed. She was bruised and beaten but there was an odd strength emanating from her.


	11. Chapter 11

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 11

Shockingly, Hannah was able to give a full statement to Detective Sams, the investigator on her case. She had good descriptions of her assailants and surprisingly, the light bulb had burnt out in the basement before Mike had gone downstairs. It had been fairly well lit and Hannah had seemed to memorize all of her attackers, knowing details about tattoos, clothing and physical descriptions. She had also fought back enough that she had DNA under her fingernails. Mike was honestly impressed with how resilient Hannah was.

They had stitched the cut on her neck along with one on her scalp. Aside from her wrist and a couple broken ribs, she didn't have any broken bones. The stab wound was deep and had knicked an artery but the surgeon was able to fix it in the E.R., not requiring a full surgery. No other damage had been done to her abdomen.

The counselor had talked to Hannah at length and told Mike that she believed that Hannah was ready to go home. There were some concerns about her going back to the basement of the apartment building but Mike assured her that Hannah would not be going down there ever again. Mike wanted to take her directly to his house where he knew she would be safe. Tom and Sasha lived across the street, Danny and Kara were on one side and Andrea and Russ were on the other side. Several of the guys had a duplex on the next block over. Mike could assure his family's safety and especially Hannah's peace of mind at his house, but in Christine's apartment, he couldn't.

At five am, they were released from the hospital. They had an hour or so before they had to be back to the apartment; and Christine had already called into work. Mike made the decision to take Christine and Hannah to Sally's. He knew she would be open and Hannah was sleeping in the backseat.

"Hey, Christy, are you hungry?"

"I could eat. And before we left the hospital; Hannah told me she was really hungry. Why?" Christine looked over at Mike and then looked at their sleeping daughter.

"A friend owns a restaurant. Serves a really good breakfast. It's Sally, I told you about her the other night." Mike turned the corner on the street that Sally's diner was on and Christine nodded at him. They had spoken about Sally and Christine was anxious to meet her.

"Sure. I could use a cup of coffee. Hannah is completely out though. What are the plans once we get back to the apartment?"

"I figured we would get the kids off to school and taken Hannah back to my house. We can all rest and then when it's time, I'll go get the kids from school and we'll do our weekend thing."

"I wish…I wish I had just moved in. This would have never happened." Christine had broken down just as Mike pulled into Sally's parking lot. He wrapped his arm around her and kissed her cheek. He didn't want her blaming herself.

"It's not your fault. What you suggested made sense. It was better for you and the kids. It was a decision I supported and worked with. If it's anyone's fault; it's mine for not getting home sooner. I knew you had to work late and I didn't get home til after eight."

"I was afraid you would be blaming Courtney." Christine had sat up and was wiping the tears off her face.

"I am trying really hard not to. It's a little hard and that is why I am trying to shift the blame on myself; so I don't do that to her." It was something Mike was deeply ashamed of. He adored Courtney but he was livid at her for what had happened to Hannah.

"Mike, I understand and I am in the same boat but we have to remember, no matter how angry we are at Courtney; we are still her parents, she still needs us and we love her. We have to let go of the anger."

"Yeah, I know. Easier said than done though. She has a lot of maturing to do. Guess it is a fake it 'til you make it type thing." Mike knew as soon as he said it; it was the wrong thing because Christine gave him "the look."

"Mike, you can't fake being her father or loving her. That has to be for real and you know it. You are going to have to act like you aren't mad at her; but you can't act like you love her if you don't. Now, I know that you do love her. I don't doubt in the least but you do because of this. I agree, she has a lot to learn and maybe I've coddled her and put too much on Hannah. We just have to remember, despite the anger and frustration where Courtney is concerned; we are her parents. The two people that should be in her corner, no matter what."

"You're right. It was a poor choice of words. I love Courtney. It is just going to be really hard to get through this. As far as coddling her; you have always been an excellent mom and Hannah only wanted to help you. I don't see that what you did was wrong." Mike kissed Christine's temple again and then opened the truck door while Christine jumped out of her side. He hoped Sally could put everything in perspective. Hannah had woke up and Mike carefully helped her out of the truck. He was still being careful not to touch her too much and Christine came around to guide the young girl.

"Does this place have pancakes?" Hannah was walking in between Mike and Christine and Mike nodded down at her.

"She serves a good breakfast. It's where I got that pie the other night." Mike opened the door for Christine and Hannah and nodded at Sally who was at the counter. He sat down next to Christine at a booth and Hannah got in on the other side. Sally walked over and sat a coffee cup down in front of Mike.

"These two lovely ladies must be your beautiful wife and daughter. What can I get you to drink, ladies?"

"I'll have a coffee, please?" Christine was glancing at the menu that Sally had handed her and Hannah was looking at her own.

"A hot chocolate?" Hannah seemed almost hesitant asking for anything but Sally nodded at her and smiled.

"Of course. Mike, I hate to ask but my truck just did a delivery and he didn't put the sacks of flour where he is supposed to. Mind helping me?" It was an unusual request from Sally and Mike looked over at Christine who just nodded at him. He had told her how he had talked to Sally when things got bleak, and Christine seemed to understand it. He stood up and followed Sally into the kitchen.

"What's going on with your girl?" Sally pointed him towards the sacks of flour and he began moving them to where she generally kept them.

"She was attacked last evening. Just got out of the hospital with her. She's my cherry pie eater." Mike didn't have to give all the details to Sally. She had already guessed them. He had called and asked her to make a cherry pie and he would be by later that evening for it.

"I just so happen to have one in the oven. I will get it to you before you all leave. Pretty girl. She has your bearing and her mother's looks." Mike had finished moving the flour sacks and they headed back into the dining area. Mike sat back down next to Christine and looked over her menu.

"What will we have?" Sally asked the three of them and Mike gestured to Hannah for her to order first.

"I want the…two pancakes with fruit, strawberries and a side of sausage links." Hannah pointed at the menu and Sally nodded at her.

"I want the sausage and egg croissant, please." Christine handed Sally both menus and eyed Mike.

"Three eggs, scrambled, ham steak, hash browns and two pieces of white toast. I also want a side of sausage links as well." Sally was used to Mike's large appetite but even Christine and Hannah looked at him in shock.

"Jeez, Dad, did you need some protein or something?" It was the closest thing that Hannah had said that was close to a joke and she even had a slight smile on her face.

"I didn't have supper last night and barely a lunch. I'm starving."

"It is a bit much, babe." Christine winked at Mike as Sally brought their drinks by.

"I know but…I'm hungry."

"I need to get home soon enough to fix the kids breakfast. I promised Mikey I would make him the oatmeal he likes so well." Hannah looked worried and was looking at the clock on the wall to estimate how long she had. With her left arm casted, she wouldn't be able to cook easily.

"Sweetie, I'll make the oatmeal for him. That arm is going to slow you down. Dad and I have both taken today off and we figured we would go to his house and rest there once the kids went to school. When I take Courtney to school, I will talk to your school counselor. Get your assignments and such."

"Okay. I don't want to go back there." Mike and Christine both looked at each other. Hannah was looking down at her hot cocoa like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"Sissy, you need to go back to school. Not immediately but you'll need to at some point…"

"It's just…Dad, most of the guys go to school there. The ones from the gang. I don't want to go back there if the police can't catch them." Hannah looked pretty hopeless and Sally showed up with their breakfast, giving them something else to focus on.

"We will figure something out, Hannah. Just have faith in the police to do their jobs. Detective Sams said you gave a really good statement." Christine grabbed Hannah's plate and cut up the pancakes and sausage links because Hannah was having trouble. They had forgotten, she was left handed and having a lot of trouble figuring out how to use her right hand.

"Yeah, Hannah, the statement was impressive." Again, Mike used the wrong word, given the look Hannah gave him. It was an emotional minefield.

"Can we not talk about this here?"

"Yeah, let's drop it. So you good with staying at Dad's this weekend?" Christine gave Mike another look telling him to follow Hannah's lead.

"Yeah, that's fine. Maybe we can get my room set up with the stuff Dad bought for me Monday night?" Hannah had an almost hopeful look and Christine nodded at her.

"Of course. Are we repainting the room?"

"No. It's fine. We got a comforter and curtains and a rug and some pictures for the walls. And then maybe we can get Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth's rooms fixed up." Hannah seemed really excited about the prospect and Mike just stayed quiet. He wanted his family to feel at home and if helped Hannah heal to make it homier, he was fine with it.

"I want to repaint the kitchen. That red is terrible. What color do you think?" Christine had commented several times about the color of the kitchen and Mike knew that it was kind of a visual reminder of Helena for her. Repainting the kitchen was a very small price to pay for his affair.

"A brown would look pretty with the cabinets and countertops. Dad, can I have a piece of your ham?" Hannah had finished her own plate and had been eyeing Mike's ham steak for a couple minutes. Mike cut half of it for her, placed it on her plate and then cut it up into smaller pieces so she could easily eat it.

"Yeah, it would. Easy to cover the red up too. Mike, you know what's on your honey do list this weekend." Christine took a drink of her coffee and grinned over at Mike.

"Yes, ma'am." Mike had to smile at Christine and she leaned over and kissed him. Hannah had finished her food and Sally came over and cleared the plates and gave Mike the ticket. Mike stood up to pay the bill and Sally brought out the pie for Hannah. When he looked down at her, she was grinning from ear to ear at the box in Sally's hand.

"Thank you!" What shocked Mike and Christine was Hannah giving Sally a big hug. Sally was a complete stranger to Hannah, and Hannah, even on a good day, was not overly affectionate. It being the worst day of her life; hugging a complete stranger was a big surprise. Sally returned the hug and kissed the top of Hannah's head. Mike knew that Hannah had made a friend with Sally and was honestly grateful. As soon as Hannah pulled away, Christine pulled the older woman into a hug.

"Thank you for what you did for Mike." Christine whispered into Sally's ear and squeezed her.

"He's a special young man and you are exactly as he described you. He is beyond happy with you." Sally had pulled away but was rubbing Christine's arms and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Mike finally got his hug from Sally and they made their way out of the diner.

"We need to make this into more of a habit. I like Sally." Christine told Mike as they got in the truck and headed to the apartment. Hannah was visibly more nervous but also had an odd strength about her.

"We will. Sally loves you girls." Mike pulled into the apartment building and parked. As he helped Hannah out of the truck; Christine grabbed the pie and put Hannah between her and Mike. Christine was on her right side and grasped her right hand while Mike had an arm around her. Thankfully, Hannah was okay with him touching her and they made their way into the apartment building, which was quiet. Hannah glanced down towards the basement but buried her face in Mike's shoulder and they quickly moved her past it and up the stairs.

The trek to the fourth floor was a painful one for Hannah but she refused to have Mike carry her. By the time they got into the apartment, she was exhausted again and Mike settled her on the couch while Christine woke the twins up. They had silently agreed to just let Courtney sleep. Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth both ran up and started hugging Hannah.

"Hey, guys, you have to get ready for school and Mikey, Mommy is going to make your oatmeal. I will watch and make sure she makes it like I do. When we get home tonight, we are going to stay at Daddy's. Do you want to draw on my cast?" Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth were sitting on either side of Hannah and seemed to be assessing her every mark and bruise.

"Yeah! Hannah, you need to have Mommy kiss your ouchies. That always makes me feel better." Mikey was extremely serious and had stood up and pointed towards Christine who was in the kitchen starting the oatmeal. Mike was also next to her, making coffee.

"I only wish that could fix this." Christine said under her breath to Mike. She was still beating herself up and Mike put his arm around her and kissed her. They couldn't hear what Hannah said in response but Mikey had settled back down.

"Me too."

"Jeez, why are you guys so loud?" Courtney came out of the other bedroom, obviously mad about the early morning. Mike's blood started boiling and even Christine bristled up. They were both going to have to figure out a way to deal with their oldest daughter.


	12. Chapter 12

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 11

Mike stayed at the apartment while Christine took the kids to school. He had had to bite his tongue until it was almost bloody to keep himself from saying something to Courtney. All he could do was remind himself over and over again, that he loved Courtney and she deserved to have a father who wasn't livid at her. It made him wonder if Christine was lecturing Courtney to stay away from him while she took her to school. Christine was equally as angry as Mike but she could hold it in a lot better than he could.

As time went by, Hannah's bruises become more obvious which only added to Mike's anger. He knew that he should be madder at the gang members who had raped and beat Hannah but for whatever reason; Courtney was getting the brunt of his anger. That fact made him angry at himself and Christine was in pretty much the same boat.

Hannah was blissfully asleep on the couch. She had cuddled with the twins until they had to leave for school. It seemed almost cathartic for her and Mike and Christine had just let her do what she felt like. She was still pretty adamant about not going back to school and Mike didn't have a clue on how to get her past it. At nine, Christine finally came back and indicated for Mike to follow her into the bedroom so she could pack clothes for herself and the twins.

"So, I spoke at length with her counselor. She can give us two weeks with a home teacher, at that point…you maybe against this, but it's a thought…I could homeschool Hannah. She gave me some information on curriculum and says that she thinks that it might actually be beneficial for Hannah. You remember how they told us when she was little that they thought she might be dyslexic? She thinks if it's more one on one, Hannah might actually get ahead of it. What do you think?"

"My biggest concern is that Hannah, she isn't very social. I am afraid if we take her out of school and do homeschooling, especially now after last night, she will retreat within herself. Otherwise, I agree." Mike honestly thought it was a good idea. He was helping Christine put clothes in the bags and another thought occurred to him. "Your jobs?"

"I only had three weeks left at the elementary and I had turned in my notice at the other jobs. I just won't go back next year. I already spoke with my supervisor. The only obligation I'll have is with Edwin and Rose. I won't give that up. You okay with that? Can we afford this?"

"Christy, you saw my checkbook ledger. Yes, we can afford it and I prefer it. I am fine with it. My biggest worry is that it will make Hannah into even more of a recluse. Does she have any friends?" Mike almost hated admitting that he didn't know if Hannah had any friends. He knew that Courtney had several and that the twins were each other's best friend but they both had kids their own age that they played with routinely. Hannah had never made friends easily.

"Not too many. I do think that when I come back here to stay with Rose, I'll bring her with me. I know bringing her back to the environment is probably not smart but she loves Edwin and Rose. Hannah is an old soul and people her own age bug her. Their immaturity really drives her crazy. She handles small children and older people better." Christine had finished getting her and the twin's items but she still needed to get toiletries and Courtney and Hannah's clothing.

"Christy, do you still want to wait to move out? I am good either way. I'd love to have you all at my house full time." Mike grabbed the suitcase and sit it in living room and then put his arms around Christine.

"I honestly am not sure. I want out of here and I want my children out of here. Hannah is a victim of a horrific crime, so there is a possibility that they'll come for her. It's just…Courtney. I mentioned to her that I wanted to move into your place before school let out. She's mad. She thinks that we will uproot her out of school before graduation. I tried to explain to her that I will just drive her to school but she's…I don't know. I don't think she is grasping what happened to Hannah. I know you told her but she isn't putting two and two together and she even mentioned that she thinks its Hannah's own fault. I didn't have the heart to tell her that you and I are both upset with her. Mike, I have no idea how to handle this and since she's eighteen, she knows she can make her own decisions."

"She may be eighteen age wise but she has a lot of growing up to do before she can think about being independent. She wants to go to college and be a doctor. I am her father and I will finance her education but she needs to realize what her actions caused for her own sister. I realize that Hannah probably volunteered to do the laundry but Courtney is old enough, if she needed something washed, she should have washed it. The issue I have with that is if I tell her that, she will think I am wishing what happened to Hannah to happen to her. I absolutely don't want that for her. How do we handle this?"

"I have no idea but you do make a good point. If we punish her for not doing her own laundry; she will think that we wish this for her. You know, I always thought that Courtney is the stronger of the two girls, but now? Hannah is kind of surprising me. Course, we are at the early stages yet. It may get harder for her. I don't think Courtney would have handled what happened to Hannah." Christine pulled away because they could both hear Hannah moving around in the living room.

"I agree. Let's get the older girl's stuff packed up and get out of here." Mike opened the door into the living room and Hannah was awake and putting markers into a tote bag, apparently for the twin's to draw on her cast with.

"Mom, when we get to Dad's house, I want to take a shower. Can you help me?" Hannah had raised up when she seen Mike and Christine walk into the living room and then immediately grasped her stomach.

"Sure. You okay, honey?" Christine got to her side first, mostly because Mike was still being careful.

"Yeah, just moved too fast. I feel dirty." Christine nodded at her and rubbed her shoulder. Mike had to look away. The nurse and Christine had given Hannah a sponge bath at the hospital but he remembered when he was a rookie cop, he and his partner had to stay with a sexual assault victim until a detective got there because she wanted to take a shower. He remembered her saying, 'I just want to take a shower. I feel so dirty.' It was a sad reminder for Mike.

Mike and Christine got the older girl's clothing packed up pretty quickly and Mike took the bags to Christine's Tahoe while Hannah and she talked to Edwin and Rose. They had agreed to take separate vehicles and Mike was starting to look forward to the prospect of his family moving in to the house. Making it a home. They just had to figure things out with Courtney and get Hannah through the trauma of her assault. Finally Christine and Hannah came through the door and Mike walked to his truck.

"See you girls in a bit. Christy, here's the key to the house. The alarm code is our anniversary, 060697. I need to make a stop. I just realized it. Make yourselves at home. The shower in the master bath might be better?" Mike leaned down and kissed Christine and rubbed Hannah's arm.

"Okay. I may run by the store and get a few groceries. I'll fix lunch and then we'll eat and lay down for a nap. I'm running on fumes."

"Here. Let me give you some money. Get whatever you need. Maybe something to grill tonight?" Mike opened his wallet and handed Christine some money and then kissed her again. "I love you girls."

"Love you too."

Mike helped Hannah into the passenger front seat and watched them leave. He had decided to go to the florist and get Christine some flowers and to also find something for Hannah. He just wasn't sure what.

Mike found a florist shop and picked out a dozen red roses, remembering what Christine had told him about red roses meaning passion. He finally found an angel figurine that he liked for Hannah and got her a small bud vase with pink tulips. He really wasn't sure what she even liked but felt she deserved something.

When he walked into his house; he could hear Hannah and Christine talking in the kitchen. Hannah was sitting at the breakfast bar. She was freshly showered and wearing a pair of pajama pants and one of his shirts. Christine had braided her hair in a loose braid to keep it from pulling at the head wound. Mike sat the tulips and the figurine in front of her and then handed Christine the roses. He could see the surprise on both their faces.

"Thanks, Dad. I really like angels. She's so pretty. The flowers are too. Can I put them in my room?" Hannah was smiling at the angel and had a hopeful look on her face. She was scared that she would have to share the figurine.

"Of course. She's yours. Do you need help carrying it upstairs?" Mike kissed Hannah's forehead and Christine set a sandwich and some chips in front of her. Her roses were on the kitchen island for the time being.

"No. I'll just wait until after lunch when we go upstairs to nap. One of you guys can help me, right?"

"Absolutely. Mike, thank you. I love them." Christine gave Mike a kiss and then sat two more plates down on either side of Hannah. She filled three glasses with iced tea and then went around and sat on Hannah's right and Mike was on her left. Hannah was pretty quiet but she was becoming increasingly tired. Mike and Christine had opted to wait until she was a little less tired before they discussed home schooling with her. Mike had a feeling that she would be okay with it.

Christine helped Hannah get settled and made her promise that she would come in and get her if she needed help. She was worried that Hannah would have a bad dream and they wouldn't hear her in the master bedroom but Hannah was resistant to sleeping in Mikey or Sarah Elizabeth's room. Her angel figurine and the tulips were on her dresser. Hannah was really proud of them.

Mike set his alarm for two thirty and he and Christine settled into bed. Neither of them was going to sleep soundly, listening for Hannah. Mike finally fell into a light sleep but woke up when he heard Hannah come into the bedroom and was talking to Christine. Christine scooted over, closer to Mike and Hannah got in next to her. He seen the tears on Hannah's face and Christine had turned on her side, away from Mike, and wrapped both arms around her to hold her. He wasn't sure what was going on but wrapped his arms around Christine. He could hear Hannah crying into Christine's shoulder. It broke his heart, listening to her and knowing he could do nothing to help his little girl.


	13. Chapter 13

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 13

Mike ended up going and getting the twins. Courtney thankfully had an after school function and would need to be picked up about six. Hannah had sobbed in Christine's shoulder for a solid hour. It was not Mike that she needed or wanted. She needed her mother. Mike's main job where Hannah was concerned was to just make her feel safe and to help Christine care for their twins. He felt powerless and it was not a good feeling for him. And it just added to the anger and frustration where Courtney was concerned. Every time he thought about her, his blood started boiling. He would remind himself how much he loved her but that was starting to not even work. Mike had no idea how to get past it either; he just knew he had to. Courtney still needed her family and quite frankly, he needed her.

As he picked Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth, he was shocked to see Courtney walking towards them. He mentally braced himself and reminded himself that Courtney didn't deserve his anger but did deserve his love.

"I thought you had an after school thing?" Mike had gathered up the twin's items as a way to distract himself.

"I did but it got postponed and you didn't stop by the high school. I tracked you down here. You shouldn't have just assumed."

"I didn't know it was postponed so I just came and got the twins. If I had known, then I would have picked you up. You ready to go home…to my house?" Mike grasped Sarah Elizabeth's hand while Courtney let Mikey kind of wander about. Because Mike had ahold of their school bags and jackets; he couldn't hold Mikey's hand.

"I suppose. I didn't know we were going straight there after school. I don't have any clothes there and…"

"Court, Mom packed you a bag with your clothes. You'll have what you need, I promise. Hannah needed to be out of the apartment." Mike was walking out to the truck, and because they were in the parking lot, he was nervous about Mikey, who got easily distracted. He handed Courtney the school bags and sweaters so he could hold the little boy's hand. He had only had Mikey in his life for a week; he didn't particularly want him hit by a car in the parking lot.

"Jeez, Dad, why do I have to hold their bags? You're babying them." For some reason, Mike was instantly infuriated by her comment but thankfully Sarah Elizabeth distracted him by jumping in a mud puddle. She conveniently splashed Courtney and then started giggling. Courtney bent down and smacked Sarah Elizabeth on the back end which only made Mike madder. Sarah Elizabeth was crying and had her face buried in Mike's leg.

"Young lady, in the truck now. I will discipline your sister if she needs it but what she did was a typical kid thing. In. I will handle Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth." Courtney stomped off and got in the truck, slamming the door and almost catching Mikey's hand. Had Mike not jerked Mikey away from it, his little hand would have been crushed in the door. Mike took a couple deep breaths as he buckled both of the younger kids in their booster seats and wiped Sarah Elizabeth's tears, kissing her on the forehead. As Sarah Elizabeth hugged him; Mike calmed himself enough to at least deal with his oldest daughter. He shut the truck door and went around and got in the driver's seat. Thankfully, Courtney was quiet and looking out the window.

"Daddy, are we going to get to draw on Hannah's cast like she promised us this morning? I want to draw flowers on it." Mike looked in the rearview mirror and had to smile at Sarah Elizabeth's hopeful look.

"I bet she'll be happy if you draw those. She was hurting earlier. That's why I got you and Mikey from school. She wanted her mom." Mike smiled back at Sarah Elizabeth and both twins whooped excitedly. The way they were always perfectly in sync with each other was adorable to Mike.

"She's fifteen. I didn't need Mom like that when I was fifteen. She's being a baby." Courtney looked over at Mike like he should automatically agree with her and he lost it.

"Court, your sister was brutally attacked last night. Unspeakable things happened to her. She is going to be leaning on all of us for a while, but especially your mom. Yes, Mom and I are babying her right now, but we are doing it because she needs love and support. Not the condemnation you are giving her. This isn't her fault and she needs to be treated with love and respect."

"So you think it's my fault?" Mike chose to focus on the road because he didn't want to answer her. The twins had both gotten quiet and Mike knew he had to come up with an answer. Courtney was too persistent not to.

"Courtney, this isn't the time or place. Just please treat Hannah with a bit of grace."

"I guess that answers my question. Hannah choose to do the laundry, you know." Courtney had her arms crossed over her chest and Mike could see the anger on her face. She was a bit too much like Mike for her own good.

"I have no doubt that she did. Just stop, Court. I don't want to say something I'll regret for the rest of my life."

"Nice, Dad. You could try to at least act like you like me just a bit…"

"Courtney, again, not the right time or place. The problem is; right at the moment, I don't like you or your actions, but the fact that I love you is winning out. Now, you have pushed and you know the truth. You have a home and a family who does love you. You want to go to college and then onto medical school and you want to be a doctor. I am beyond proud of that and you but you, you need to do some maturing before you can do that. Your actions have consequences and in this case, it's your sister that has paid dearly. She will carry the physical and emotional scars from last night for the rest of her life. I don't wish that on you and I blame myself for Hannah getting hurt last night but you need to at least grasp the fact that she was beaten and attacked in other ways. A stab wound to abdomen is hellish, not to mention her other injuries. You want to repair this? Help. Be an adult. Your mom and I both love you but yes, we are both angry at you at the moment. Things are going to be changing. Your mom has to concentrate on your sister right now, and I will be helping with the twins more but you can help both of us by just jumping in and not expecting everything to bend to your will. I don't expect you to help with your younger siblings but I do expect you to at least take care of your own laundry and clean up after yourself. Now I am sorry if that makes you mad or upset, but it's the reality. When you go to college you won't necessarily have me or Mom or Hannah to do that stuff. If nothing, it's just preparing you for that. And again, I love you. That won't ever change but some things need to change and as your father; I guess it's my job to point it out. If I don't, someone will and they will not be doing with the same amount of love that I am. It will come out a lot more cruel and I do realize what I've said is also cruel and I am deeply sorry for that. Understood?" Mike looked over and squeezed Courtney's shoulder. Mike could see the tears rolling down her face and hated himself for causing it but he felt a little lighter just getting it off his chest.

"Yes. I…I…I didn't mean for that to happen to Hannah. I really didn't."

"I know, sweetheart. I know you didn't. I never, one time thought that. I really didn't. You don't have a malicious bone in your body. I also don't want you to think Mom or I either one wish it was you instead of Hannah. We would be just as upset. Now, dry those tears. We're home. Your sister only needs to see strength from all of us. Sit tight for a second. When I get out and get the twins out, I want to give you a hug." Courtney nodded at Mike and started wiping the tears off her own face. Mike felt horribly about her reaction but knew it could have been a lot worse. He got the twins out and they ran for the door, which Christine opened. He hollered that he'd be a minute and then opened Courtney's door. She had already unbuckled her seatbelt and more or less just kind of fell into his arms. He let her cry for a couple minutes and then pulled away.

"Sweetie, we need to get inside. Just remember, Mom and I do love you. And Hannah doesn't blame you either. Hang onto that, okay?" Mike wiped the tears off Courtney's cheeks and kissed her forehead.

"Thanks, Daddy. When you said that; I figured you were just done with me. God knows, you had good reason. I love you too. I'll try and do better." Mike wrapped his arm around Courtney and grabbed all three school bags for the kids.

"That's all I ask. And you are our daughter; we can't just be done with you. What do you have in this bag, its heavy?"

"I need to work on that essay for the Scott Scholarship. It's just some research that I got from the library. It's due in two weeks and then the selection process and if it's selected, it'll be another two weeks before I have to defend the essay." Courtney opened the front door and took a deep breathe before she walked in. Mike could tell she wasn't totally convinced about Hannah not blaming her for the attack and he had no words of wisdom for that one.

"I have a computer and printer set up if you need to use it. Also, a word of advice because I have sat on that committee in past years, have the essay in earlier and make sure the grammar and spelling is perfect. Those are huge." Mike walked into the living room, Christine was in the kitchen and Hannah and the two younger kids were at the kitchen nook table, drawing on her cast.

"I think I am going to handwrite it first and then I'll type it. I think in a better flow if I write things first. I may have you read the handwritten copy though, if you don't care? To proof it?" Courtney had picked up her own bag and it was more than obvious, she would be spending the evening in her room.

"Of course. What's your subject manner?" Mike had gone around into the kitchen and wrapped both arms around Christine, standing behind her and resting his chin on the top of her head.

"That's the problem. I honestly don't know. Most of the winners have written about virology and preventing things like the Red Flu from happening again but I don't know. My specialty will be pediatrics so I don't know. I want something different." Courtney had leaned against the counter and took the glass of sweet tea that Christine offered her.

"Maybe, write about the effect that the Red Flu has had on kids. Orphans and such. It's up to your generation to repopulate the world and the effects that will have. And how, because of that, things like the Red Flu can't happen again." As always, Christine always had a good answer and they could see the wheels turning in Courtney's head.

"That's a good idea. Thanks, Mom. I love you." Courtney had come around the counter and gave Christine a kiss on the cheek before running upstairs to her own room. Christine had a look of surprise and turned around in Mike's arms.

"She's different. Did you talk to her?"

"I did. She knows that we are upset at her. I made it very clear that we love her but we didn't like her actions. It went better than I thought it would and it honestly feels better just letting it out." Mike smiled over at Hannah and the twins.

"I had a feeling we would just need to talk to her. It was too hard to pretend. As long as she knows that we love her; that's what matters. I did speak to Hannah a bit about the homeschooling and your concerns. She is all for it and suggested a few art classes out in the community. It's not ideal but it will suffice. The nightmare she had kind of let me into it."

"I was worried about her. I wish I could do something to help her." Mike still felt totally powerless where Hannah was concerned.

"You are, Mike. More than you realize. Just keep doing what you're doing. She feels safe with you and she knows she can trust you. Right now, you and I are the only people in the world that she trusts. She trusts Courtney and the kids too but it's different." Christine had lowered her own voice and looked over at Hannah who was laughing and smiling at the twins.

"I think deep down, Courtney is worried that Hannah will blame her."

"She doesn't. Hannah really doesn't blame anyone. Maybe herself a bit but definitely not Courtney. So I got us steaks and the kids hamburgers and hot dogs. I've made potato and macaroni salad and Hannah made a fruit salad, which is really good. I cut the fruit for her but she did the rest. Feel up to grilling?" Christine gave Mike a kiss and pointed to the tray of meat.

"You bet. Fruit salad, sounds really good!" Mike purposely said it loud it enough that Hannah could hear him. She looked up and smiled weakly.

"It's raspberries, blueberries, strawberries, mandarin oranges, pineapple juice and sugar, Daddy." Hannah stood up and walked to the fridge and pulled the bowl out. Christine handed Mike a spoon to sample the fruit and Mike took a bite of it and immediately smiled at his bruised and beaten daughter.

"It's absolutely delicious. I think I know what I want for my birthday instead of cake, Christy. I want this stuff." Mike kissed Hannah's forehead and put his arm around her. Christine also smiled and put the bowl away. Mike hated cake and the too sweet frosting and Christine had always made him pie instead.

"Sure, Daddy. Hopefully my arm will be out of this cast by then. It itches."

"Yeah, that's normal."

"Sweetie, I'll help you cut the fruit up if you need me to. I did get some whipped cream too, Mike."

"Great. I'll start the grill up. Mikey, want to help me?" The little boy jumped up and grabbed the door for Mike. Mike had wanted to spend some time with both his younger kids. He barely knew them but already loved them so much. Sarah Elizabeth was easy to bond with but Mikey was all little boy and was not as cuddly. The little boy was kicking a soccer ball around while Mike turned the grill on and once he was done; he played soccer for a couple minutes with the little boy. The only problem was that it was a reminder of Lucas.

"Daddy, Mommy said she would sign me up for baseball, can you help me?" Mike noticed the hopeful look in Mikey's eyes and nodded at him as they walked into the house.

"Of course, buddy. We'll work on it tonight. Do you need a coach?"

"Mommy knows." They walked back into the house where Hannah was trying to help Christine and Sarah Elizabeth had started drawing on some paper that Christine had brought with them.

"Look, Daddy! I'm drawing you a picture!" Mike wrapped his arms around his youngest daughter and kissed the top of her head as he looked at the picture.

"I love it, sweet pea and I love you." Mike kissed her again and watched Christine for a moment. She winked over at him as she helped Mikey take off his shoes and lifted him up on the counter. Mikey was thoroughly a 'Momma's boy' and Mike wouldn't change that at all.

They all ate dinner outside and Courtney helped Hannah cut up her steak. Normally Mike or Christine would have bailed in but Courtney grabbed the plate before either of them could. Mike smiled over at her. She was making a conscious effort and Mike was proud of it.

Mike and Christine cleaned up the dishes and kitchen while the kids got their swimsuits on. Hannah wouldn't be able to swim but she could at least put her feet in. Courtney helped both her and the twins get ready. Christine stayed next to Hannah at the poolside while Mike and Courtney gave the twins another swim lesson.

Within an hour, both twins were exhausted. Christine gave them both a quick bath and they put both of them to bed. Sarah Elizabeth was still nervous about sleeping on her own but Hannah jumped into bed next to her. Christine was settling Mikey and Mike was a little surprised.

"Daddy, I don't want to sleep on my own either and I don't want to bother you and Mom. I'll stay with Sarah Elizabeth tonight." Hannah had gotten in under the covers and Sarah Elizabeth wrapped both arms around her older sister.

"If you're sure? If you need something, come and get Mom or me?" Mike tucked both blankets around both girls and kissed them on the forehead.

"Mom gave me some pain medicine and I'm getting sleepy. My side hurts a lot." Hannah had complained of very little pain and to hear it, hurt Mike's heart.

"It's normal but please don't hesitate to wake us up, okay?"

"I won't. You and Mom need some private time."

"We need sleep, that's what we all need." Mike tucked the stuffed animal in between Sarah Elizabeth and Hannah and shut the bedside lamp off. He stood at the door and watched them for a minute. Hannah had already fallen asleep and Sarah Elizabeth was right behind her. Christine turned Mikey's lamp off and Courtney had just stepped up on the landing with a glass of water. Mike and Christine both gave her a kiss and told her the same thing they had told the other three kids. She made her way to her own room. Mike went downstairs to lock up while Christine got ready for bed. When he walked into their bedroom, he heard her call him from the bathroom. Mike locked the bedroom door and walked into the bathroom. Christine was in the large bathtub and gestured for him to get in which Mike immediately complied with as soon as he took his own clothes off.

"Aren't you tired? You didn't get any sleep this afternoon, did you?" Mike had gotten in behind Christine and was rubbing her back.

"I am but I also needed a bath and I figured as soon as I hit that bed, I would go to sleep. Nothing else would be happening. So I decided to take advantage of this big bathtub. You good with that?" Christine turned around and Mike immediately smiled at his view. Christine kissed him and put both arms around his neck. Mike pulled her even closer and settled her on his lap. Mike realized that just a week prior, he was finding Christine and his kids. Now he felt like he was the luckiest man alive.

"More than. Door is locked and the kids were already asleep." Christine nodded at him all while kissing his neck and straddling him. It had shocked him, that she would be so ready for this aspect of their relationship but he couldn't say he minded and for the first time all day, he wasn't worried about Hannah. His sole focus was Christine.


	14. Chapter 14

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 14

After another amazing passion filled night with Christine, Mike was invigorated. He woke up about six am and left Christine sleeping. When he walked by Mikey's room, he noticed that the little boy was not in bed, he immediately got worried. He just happened to look in Sarah Elizabeth's room and saw all four of the kids sleeping on the bed. Christine had apparently heard him get up and walked up behind him and looked into the bedroom at their four sleeping kids.

"I was going to go for a run but now I am thinking, I could just stand here all day and watch this." Christine had wrapped her arms around his middle and kissed his shoulder blade.

"I have another thought." Christine let loose of Mike and walked into the bedroom, getting into bed beside Courtney and wrapped her arms around her and Hannah. Mike had also gotten in next to Mikey and wrapped his arms around Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth. Six people on a double sized bed was cramped at best but Mike loved it. Christine had reached across and somehow Mike was able to grasp her hand. He had been invigorated but the relaxation of hearing his kid's steady breathing lulled him to sleep and it was apparently working for Christine too because she had also fallen asleep.

It was after ten before they all woke up, Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth because they needed to go to the bathroom, Hannah was hurting and all the rustling around woke Courtney up. Mike took the two smaller kids to the bathroom while Christine got Hannah some pain medicine. Courtney was fixing a quick breakfast so that Hannah could eat before she passed out again. The pain was getting the most of her and Mike had to carry her down the steps and laid her on the couch. Christine had checked the stitches and not noticed any pulling or signs of infection. There was bruising everywhere indicating how extensive of a beating Hannah had taken and how she had fought back. Mike and Christine were hurting for Hannah but when Mike rose up from checking on Hannah who was lying on the couch, he saw the tears streaming down Courtney's face. Sarah Elizabeth had called for Christine and so Mike had to find a way to comfort his oldest daughter. He pulled her into the office, out of Hannah's earshot and then pulled Courtney into a hug and just let her cry.

"It's all my fault." Mike shushed her and kissed the top of Courtney's head. He had no words of wisdom for Courtney. It wasn't entirely her fault but he knew Courtney wouldn't believe that. It made his heart break even more.

"No, sweetheart. It isn't all your fault. I have some blame in this too. Those gangbangers definitely do. Courtney, you can't carry this. It's not healthy. You can grow from it, learn from it, and use it but you can't carry it. Your mom and I don't want that for you because if you do, it will destroy you. The potential is that it could destroy your sister but if you let it destroy you, those gang bangers will have won. You will lose, your sister will lose, the twins will lose and Mom and I will lose. This rape can't rape our family. It can't. The next weeks and months maybe rough for everyone in our family but we stand together." Mike had pulled away and was wiping the tears off Courtney's cheeks. He hoped he was getting through to her because he was out of wisdom.

"How would I use it?"

"That essay? Talk about how because of the Red Flu, people changed. Things like this did happen before but for some reason, maybe because it's so close to home, it hurts worse. All kinds of money is being funneled into research to keep things like this from happening again but maybe some of that money should be funneled into domestic issues like the poverty that the Red Flu caused."

"That kind of makes sense." Courtney gave Mike another hug, and held on for dear life. Mike choose to just hold her as long as Courtney would allow it. The anger he had felt the day before was gone. Courtney didn't deserve it. What she had done was wrong but no punishment Mike could heap on her would be as effective as what she was doing to herself. Courtney finally pulled away to finish breakfast but before she left the room, she gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks, Daddy. I know you are still upset with me but you still held me like that. Why?"

"Because I love you and I don't want you to hurt like this."

"I love you too. As long as Hannah is hurting like this, I am afraid I will be too. It's hard to see all those bruises." Mike nodded at her. It was a visual reminder of what had happened to Hannah. They walked back into the kitchen where Christine was finishing breakfast. The twins were drawing at the kitchen nook and Hannah was on the couch, quietly watching TV. It would be a quiet day. The doorbell and Hannah immediately got nervous. Mike looked in the sidelight and saw Tom and Sasha.

"Hannah, its Tom. You're okay." Mike opened the door and let them in. Sasha was carrying a vase with pink roses and a teddy bear, obviously for Hannah.

"We wanted to check in. Bring this stuff for Hannah. How is she?" They were standing in the entry way and Christine joined them and smiled at both of them.

"She's having a rough day but come on in. Just prepare yourselves. She'll love this. Christine, this is Sasha. Tom's wife." Mike had already told her that Darian had died and Sasha handed the flowers and bear to Mike and Tom to shake Christine's hand but Christine pulled her into a hug. Mike hoped that Christine and Sasha would strike up a friendship. Christine finally released her and they all walked into the living area. Hannah had sat up but was still looking slightly alarmed. Christine sat down beside her to calm her and Sasha sat on her other side. Tom and Mike had sat the bear and flowers down on top of the coffee table. Hannah gave them a slight smile that was definitely faked.

"Hannah, I know you remember you're Uncle Tom but this is Sasha. She and Tom have been married for a couple years and have a couple kids. You'll meet them at some point. Ashley is also graduating this year and Sam is in your grade. Different school." Hannah nodded in understanding and picked up the teddy bear.

"Thank you. I really like this bear. He's cute." Hannah had the bear in her lap, against her stomach. Tom gave Mike a look. His presence was making Hannah a bit nervous so Mike come up with an excuse of having Tom look at his pump on the pool. Christine and Sasha were visiting with Hannah and Courtney was finishing breakfast while the twins were drawing. Mike and Tom stepped into the back yard and sat down at the table. Courtney brought out a tray with two cups of coffee and some pastries that Christine the day before.

"Hannah's in rough shape. Poor kid. I think I scared her."

"She just needs to get her footing. Christine is quitting her jobs and is going to homeschool her. Hannah never did well in school and the one on one maybe better for her." Mike took a sip of the coffee and broke off a piece of the pastry.

"How are you with that? You and Christine seem like you are doing really well."

"Things are good. Better than I anticipated. As far as the homeschooling is concerned, it's better for Hannah and it means that Christine feels more secure." Mike had a few concerns where Christine was concerned but Hannah was overshadowing everything. He had found it odd that she was so ready to move forward in the more intimate side of their relationship. He had figured after what had happened with Helena, Christine would have to learn to trust him in that area again but it was like once their bedroom door closed, it was all she could think about. They had always had a very intimate relationship but this was different.

"Something is on your mind though?" Tom took a sip of his own coffee and gave Mike a knowing look.

"It's…okay, don't laugh. I figured that when I found Christine, and she found out about Helena, I would be in the doghouse for a while, if we worked things out. It's just the opposite. She's almost too forgiving. "

"Mike, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Christine is by nature, a forgiving person. Plus, she's missed you. You may have been getting your rocks off with Helena but she didn't have that. Six plus years is a long dry spell and before the Arctic, you and Christine didn't keep your hands off each other. It was embarrassing. I remember having to watch the kids at that picnic so you and Christine could slip off. I was embarrassed and a little jealous. Darian was a little more…modest about such things."

"You have such a way of saying things. So you think she's just making up for lost time? And besides, I've watched your younger kids so you and Sasha could slip off. Payback, right?" Mike couldn't deny what Tom was saying. It had happened several times.

"Yep. And I do think she is trying to make up for lost time and marking her territory. She maybe a bit worried about Helena coming back. I know you have always only wanted Christi but Helena is a knock out. She wants you to remain faithful and so she is making sure she is more…open. If she had sent you to the couch, so to speak, and Helena showed back up, you might be enticed to stray. Now, I know better. It's the whole comparison issue."

"Helena is like a cold fish. If this is your way of asking me, Christi is much better in bed. But yes, she is comparing her looks and baggage to Helena and finding herself coming up short. Her baggage is my baggage too." Tom let out a laugh and stood up to go back inside. Mike also stood up and picked up the tray.

"Find a way to assure Christine that you won't choose Helena over her. She's the mother of your five kids but with each of those kids has come, saggy skin and stretch marks. That maybe why she is comparing herself to Helena. She is less than perfect." They hadn't walked into the house yet and were just standing and talking.

"She is actually really toned and I think she's perfect." The correct word was thin but Mike wasn't going to tell Tom that. Otherwise, Christine was perfect. Tom gave him a sly grin and opened the back door and they walked back in the house. Courtney was eating with the twins, Hannah had passed out on the couch and Christine and Sasha had moved to the two armchairs in the living room. They seemed to be having a lively conversation about redecorating the house. The white furniture was not going to survive two six year olds for long. The couch had already fallen victim to red Kool aid.

"I think I am going to look at slipcovers. Cheaper than replacing the furniture. Mikey spilled his Kool aid last night. I also want to repaint that kitchen. The red is aggravating." Christine and Sasha seemed to be having their own conversation but Mike and Tom didn't want to stand over the couch and scare Hannah if she woke up. They sat down on a loveseat which had both Christine and Sasha laughing.

"Mike, I think you have a honey do list." Tom grinned over at Mike but they all quieted when Hannah groaned in her sleep. Mike stood up and covered her with a blanket and sat at end of the couch, close to her head.

"I do. And I don't mind it all." Hannah let out another groan and opened her eyes. She had a terrified look on her face and Mike immediately stood up and gestured for Christine. Christine immediately sat down on the couch and helped Hannah sit up. Christine had wrapped her arms around her and Hannah was sobbing into Christine's chest. Tom and Sasha had both stood up to leave and Mike walked them to the door. "Sorry about that. Hannah does that from time to time. She is only happy with her mom when she does."

"It's okay. I do think some of the other crew members wanted to come by with some stuff for her but I can get the word out for them not to." Mike, Tom and Sasha had stepped out and Tom had a sad look on his face. He had known Hannah since she had been a small child.

"Actually, no. She needs to be around people. If its crew members, its people I trust. I am a little worried about this homeschooling thing. I am afraid Hannah will retreat within herself. She is already very introverted."

"I suggested something to her for when she recovered, got her arm out of the cast and all. I am teaching some self-defense classes for women. She seemed genuinely excited about it. Christi mentioned signing both the older girls up for them." Sasha had stepped off the porch and was watching her own house.

"I like that idea. She definitely fought back. They threatened the twins and so she gave in. And it wouldn't hurt Courtney, especially with her going to college. She is supposed to be working on her essay. I think she is going to go off the beaten path where it's concerned, Tom."

"Good. I get tired of reading the same essay over and over again. I won't be able to abstain but I will hold Courtney to a pretty high standard. She may not like me much after. I can't make it look like favoritism." Tom had also stepped off the porch and Mike had opened his front door back again.

"Understandable. Why can't you abstain?"

"Well, Helena was also on that committee, and now that she isn't, if I didn't vote, it would throw the numbers too much. Not much other choice."

"Oh, I had forgotten about her being on it. Hopefully Courtney knocks it out of the park." Mike had stepped back into the house and could hear Hannah still crying. Tom and Sasha both could hear it as well and both started walking down the sidewalk. "Thanks for the flowers, bear and the visit. We appreciate it."

Tom nodded back at Mike and gave him a sympathetic look. Mike took a deep breath, shut the door and walked back in the living room. Hannah was still crying into Christine's shoulder and Christine was gently rocking her. Courtney had sat down beside Hannah and was rubbing her shoulder. The twins had sat down beside the couch and seemed to be trying to comfort their sister. Mike was kind of lost on what to do but Courtney stood up and indicated for him to sit. As she passed by, she leaned up and whispered in his ear.

"I need to go work on my essay. I know that sounds bad but…"

"It's okay. Don't worry about it. I may take the twins out so your mom can concentrate on Hannah. I'll check with you first." Courtney nodded and Mike kissed her forehead before she walked up the stairs. Mike sat down on the couch and started running his hand through Hannah's hair and wrapped his other arm around both Hannah and Christine.

"Christi, I can take the twins out. Maybe swimming? Tom told me some of the other crew wanted to visit. I told him it was okay. She needs to be around people." Christine nodded at him but stayed fixated on her sobbing daughter.

"Daddy, I want to stay here with Hannah, I want to make her feel better." Sarah Elizabeth looked total heartbroken at her sister's current state.

"Me too, Daddy. We don't have to go swimming today." Mikey had stood up and gave Hannah a kiss on her temple. It was beyond sweet and reminded Mike and Christine of something Lucas would have done. Lucas had adored both his older sisters.

"Its okay, Dad. They can stay. Sorry, I'm being such a baby." Hannah sat up but leaned against Mike. Mike kissed the top of her head and let a tear fall. Christine had noticed it but she wasn't much better off than him.

"You are not being a baby. I promise, you aren't. Let me ask this, what do you want to do today?" Hannah had turned slightly to where her back was against the couch and Sarah Elizabeth had sat on Mike's lap while Mikey stayed standing.

"You said there were people coming right? We'd better just stay home. Maybe we can work on the bedroom and the office though?"

"Sure. We can do that, honey. How's the pain?" Christine kissed the side of Hannah's head and was also running her fingers through her hair.

"It's okay. Dad, are you going to stay in your pajamas all day?" Mike realized just then that he was still wearing his pajama pants and a t-shirt. He hadn't changed when the rest of his family dressed earlier, or ate breakfast. Christine started laughing and the rest of the family joined in. Even Hannah.

"I guess I'd better change." Mike stood up and was surprised when Christine also stood up.

"Kids, I am going to go up and talk to Dad for a minute. Hannah, will you be okay?" Hannah nodded at them and Mikey brought over the drawings from that morning for Hannah to inspect. Mike and Christine went upstairs. Mike was trying to figure out what Christine wanted to talk about and as soon as the door shut, he figured it out because she locked it behind her and then started kissing him.

"What are you doing? The kids will expect us back downstairs in a couple minutes." Christine had pulled Mike's shirt off and was pushing him towards their bed, all while untying his pajama pants.

"What do you think?" Christine had pushed him onto the bed and Mike sat up on his elbows.

"You don't have to do this, Christi. I want you and only you. You don't have to do this to make me stay." Christine paused for just a second but then kissed Mike again, more to quiet him. His body had reacted to what she was doing and it was not going to matter what he did to stop it.

"I know I don't have to but I want to. Raise up." Mike was too caught up to stop what was happening and raised his hips up so Christine could pull his pajama pants and boxers off. He even helped her a bit. "That's better now."

Christine was kissing down his chest when they heard the doorbell ring. Mike groaned because there was no way he could downstairs at the moment. He needed a cold shower. Christine let out an aggravated laugh and sat up.

"I'll go. You get cleaned up. Tonight, sailor." Christine gave him another kiss and stood up and walked out of the bedroom. Mike laid there for a second, gathering his thoughts. Fortunately Christine had shut the door behind her so lying on their bed, completely naked was semi okay. He got up and went in to take a fast, cold shower. He wanted to talk to Christine a bit more but decided to just wait it out. Tom had been right about one thing, he and Christine had had a habit of sneaking off so it wasn't completely unusual behavior for her. Maybe it was just simply returning to their old habits.

He quickly showered and dressed. Mike had decided as he showered to just let Christine do what she felt she needed but to make it clear that he had no intentions of leaving her. He couldn't say that he didn't enjoy it. The sex was beyond amazing and even better since it was with Christine. Helena might have been okay but Mike wasn't really that attracted to her. She was young and beautiful and had a perfect body, not marred by pregnancy, childbirth or breastfeeding. Most men would have loved that but considering that Christine had marred her body having his children, those imperfections were a turn on for Mike. He had looked down at a wedding photo of them on his dresser and was transported back in time.

She had been eighteen when they got married. It was actually a tiny wedding in his backyard and they moved into a small studio apartment that night. They had only been with each other. Mike's dad had given him a piece of advice that at the time made him mad, but Mike was grateful for it. "Wait to have your first kid. Once you have that baby, everything changes. It's for the better; son but your wife will be a different person. She will be a mother and that is more important than being a wife. Give her and yourself a couple years to just be a husband and a wife. You can have sex when you want to, won't have the same money concerns and can walk around naked if you want. You won't be able to do that once the baby is born."

Mike's dad was very open about things and Mike and Christine had followed his advice. They waited until Mike had made detective before they started trying for Courtney. It hadn't required much trying and Mike could afford to move them into a small two bedroom house on the next block over from their parents. Mike was thankful for those four years. It gave him and Christine a chance to just be a young married couple. They could go out to dinner and to the movies, take vacations and do things other couples their age couldn't do because they already had a baby. Once Courtney was born, Mike and Christine couldn't do that stuff as regularly but they had traded it in for a beautiful baby girl who they both loved dearly. And by the time Hannah came along, three years later, Mike and Christine had fully adjusted to being parents. The friends they had who had married at the same time they had, and had kids right after, were already divorced and Mike and Christine were going strong.

September 11th had happened and Mike felt the need to join the Navy. Christine supported the decision and Mike quit the Chicago Police Department to go in the Navy. Because of his training, he was fast tracked to the Academy. Christine was less than thrilled with having to move away from their family with two small children and into a small house while Mike trained and took classes. He only made it home on the weekends and she would be exhausted by the time he got there. It was the one point in their marriage where things weren't quite so strong. He graduated and deployed to the Indian Ocean almost immediately as a young lieutenant. Money was tight but somehow Christine kept them afloat back at home. When he got home, he discovered she was pregnant with their third child. There was not a doubt in his mind that Lucas was his but things were pretty rough between him and Christine.

Things stayed rough right up until Christine woke him up to tell him she was in labor. He had been sleeping on the couch and carried his girls over to the next door neighbors, Tom and Darian. It was an icy night and the labor went entirely too quickly. Mike ended up delivering the baby on the backseat of their van because he couldn't get them to hospital quickly enough. It created another argument and Christine had asked him to leave her and their baby at the hospital. He called his parents to let them know about the baby. He and his dad had a particularly close relationship and his dad said something that still stayed with him, "Son, man up. You've been gone for months and your wife handled two little girls and a difficult pregnancy. She gave birth to your son in the back of a minivan in frigid temperatures. A woman like that is hard to come by. You and she have been married twelve years already. That's longer than most couples make it. Go back to that hospital…no wait, go get her some flowers to thank her for giving you a son and then go be a man. You have a son now. You'll have to teach him to be a man and you have two little girls. You don't want them with someone like you. Leaving your wife, after she gave birth to a ten pound baby, in a hospital alone. Get off your ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself."

Mike had gone back to the hospital, bought the flowers in a gift shop and walked into Christine's hospital room. She was nursing their son and hadn't paid any attention when the door opened, focusing on their baby boy. He sat the flowers down and sat down next to her. She was surprised but gave him a soft smile. He hadn't really even held Lucas up to that point and as soon as he finished eating, Mike got to hold him. He fell a bit more in love with Christine that day. They had talked for hours after that and fell asleep together, holding Lucas. Mike never spent another night on their couch.

Mike ended his walk down memory lane and headed downstairs. Andrea and Russ were there. Andrea had brought some sort of fruit tart that she was explaining to Hannah on how to make it while Christine visited with Russ. There was also a gift basket with soft socks, lotions, candles and a journal on the table. Just about the time Mike was going to sit down, the doorbell rang again. Hannah gave him a nervous look before he walked to the door. This time it was Kara, Frankie and Alisha with more gifts.

"We're just dropping by." Mike let the group come in and Frankie lunged at Mike. Mike had become sort of an adopted uncle for the Chandler and Green kids and it was not surprising. He carried the little boy into the living room and introduced Kara and Alisha to his wife and daughter.

The twins were happily playing on the floor and everyone was visiting. Hannah was surprisingly handling the new people well and Mike sat Frankie down to play with the twins. Mike felt sort of out of place. Russ had switched places and was quietly talking to Hannah. He got the feeling that Russ was more or less counseling her and didn't want to intrude. Christine was talking to the three women and Mike decided to check on his oldest daughter. He fixed her a glass of lemonade and a plate of cookies and took them upstairs. Courtney was sitting on her bed writing in a notebook and looked up when Mike knocked on the door.

"How's it going?" Mike sit the plate and glass on her nightstand and sat down beside her.

"It's going. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be."

"You will do well. Once you get it written, bring it to me and I'll read it." Mike pointed at the lemonade and cookies and bent down and gave Courtney a kiss on the forehead as he stood up.

"Thanks, Daddy. I love you."

"Love you buckets more." Mike smiled down at Courtney and headed back downstairs. It was something that Mike had always done with his kids. When one of them said 'I love you', he would say 'I love you buckets more.' It felt good to have some of those old habits return.

Hannah eventually fell back asleep with Mike holding her that afternoon. It had been kind of a revolving door of visitors and Hannah tried to visit with all of them. They all brought gifts and food. She was more nervous around the men but had seemed to have connected with Andrea and Russ. Mike was perfectly fine with the connection. Andrea and Russ were a bit of an odd couple but Mike thought the world of them and they seemed to be a good match. Mike didn't mind them 'adopting' Hannah. Christine had known them both before and while she seemed a bit surprised at the relationship; she seemed happy that her troubled daughter had connected with them.

It turned into a calm evening. Their visitors finally stopped showing and Hannah relaxed. Mike was still holding her but had Sarah Elizabeth on the other side. Mikey didn't stay still for long. Part of the time, he stayed next to Hannah, sometimes on Mike's lap and other times, with Christine in the kitchen. Lucas had been the same way, a ball of constant energy. Courtney finally came downstairs but told Mike she hadn't finished. Her hand had cramped up.

After eating dinner, they all cuddled up on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and watched an old movie. It was one that Courtney and Hannah had seen dozens of times before but the twins hadn't. They were enthralled and Hannah fell asleep after another dose of pain medicine. Even Courtney had napped against Mike's other shoulder. To Mike, it was the perfect night and Christine seemed just as happy.


	15. Chapter 15

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 15

The next day, Christine took the two younger kids to church. Hannah was in pretty severe pain and Mike stayed home with her. Courtney was in her room working on her essay. Hannah was sleeping on the other end of the couch and Mike was reading the newspaper. Courtney bounced down the steps and sat down next to him, putting a notebook on his lap.

"I finished it…at least the handwritten part. Here's a red pen." Courtney handed him the pen and stood up. She had entirely too much energy because she bounced back up the steps. Hannah moved a little and moaned. Mike reached over and put a blanket over her. It was the perfect time to read the essay; he just hoped Courtney wouldn't think he was too critical.

 _I have read the winner's from past scholarship recipients. They were well thought out and articulated very well. Doctor Scott was an incredible asset to the medical community and without a doubt, saved the human race. However, while she solved the most important problem that the Red Flu caused, there have been other problems that she could not solve._

 _The Red Flu decimated the population but it also decimated so much more. It decimated families. It decimated futures and plans. Cultures and countries that once existed and were rich in history are now all but extinct. Who is going to teach those histories and cultures?_

 _One of the questions that I have seen posed is, how do we keep something like the Red Flu from happening again? I don't have an answer for that. I am sure the other nominees do but I don't and I am sure if someone had asked, Doctor Scott wouldn't have had the answer._

 _The answer I have is simple, we protect. We insulate ourselves and we learn. We grow closer as families and societies. That is how we have survived pandemics in the past._

 _When the Red Flu jumped kingdoms and become the Red Rust, communities worked together to feed the starving. Yes, there were riots but there were also community canning parties. It seemed small but now? It looks huge._

 _Doctor Scott didn't do what she did alone. She was on the Nathan James. The crew protected her mission and they sacrificed so much. More than people realize. I have a very personal connection to one of the crew and while I could throw his name out there, I won't. What I will say is; it took a crew like the one on the Nathan James to protect Doctor Scott, get the cure distributed, fix the government and then find the seeds the solved the Red Rust. Many of them were killed in the process. A few, like my crewmember, sacrificed time away from his loved ones to do what he had to do. I am beyond proud of that._

 _Another question posed is, do I think I am deserving of this scholarship? Absolutely not. You want a medical answer to the question of how we can keep another pandemic from happening but I don't think it requires only a medical answer but an answer in general. Band together, trust, putting our faith into something higher than ourselves and not only being a family but a community. It's how the crew of the Nathan James did what they did._

As a father, Mike couldn't have been prouder. It wasn't the longest essay and it may not win the scholarship for Courtney but it was heartfelt and true. There were few grammatical or spelling errors. Mike corrected them and knew that Christine would polish it further. He was particularly proud of how she didn't use her name. The process was that the essays would be chosen for their merits without a name attached and then when the nominees defended their essays, their identities were revealed. It was secretive. If Courtney's essay was selected, the fact that his daughter was one of the nominees would be splashed all over the media.

Christine and the twins came home from church and Mike followed Christine to their bedroom so she could change into more comfortable clothes. As she brushed out her hair, she read the essay and made the corrections.

"I have to say, it's good. I don't know if it's what they're looking for but I like it. As long as she doesn't get her hopes up, we're good." Christine walked into the closet and grabbed some leggings and a t-shirt out of her bag and then took her dress and slip off. Mike watched her from the door and gave a grin, enjoying his view. Christine was well aware she was driving him crazy. It was odd that after Helena with her fancy lingerie and perfect body, Christine with her simple cotton panties and bras and cellulite was more of a turn on. Even her yoga pants were sexy. He finally walked into the closet and pulled her into a hot kiss. She only had her leggings and the bra on but he didn't care.

"How long do you think we have before we have to go downstairs?" Mike was kissing Christine and she was becoming much more demanding. He had had misgivings but he loved how passionate she had become.

"Not nearly long enough but if we play our cards right, we may convince them to go to bed early tonight." Christine fixed her bra and threw the t-shirt on. Mike kissed her again and they left the master closet with the notebook. "You know, I have to say I am a bit shocked, Mike. You didn't seem too interested yesterday but last night and today? What changed?"

"My misgivings were that you thought you had to have sex with me to keep me interested. I figured after Helena, you wouldn't trust me or want to have sex with me. Then I realized, I am just a guy who really loves his wife and loves this part of our relationship." Christine sat down on the bed and patted it for Mike to sit down next to her. As soon as he did, she took his hand in her own.

"Maybe ordinarily, yes. But I really missed you a lot and not just sexually. For moments like last night when we were cuddling on the couch with the kids. If it was just an affair; then I would have probably not ever let you touch me. But it wasn't an affair. I really don't know how to explain it but I know that you weren't happy with Helena. The only issue I have is the compare and contrast issue. She was perfect and I am…not."

"Funny, I was just thinking about how much I loved your body. Your body gave me five beautiful babies who I love more than life itself. Besides, I don't exactly have the same body I had twenty years ago."

"No, it's better. Those muscles. You were kind of scrawny twenty years ago." For effect Christine squeezed Mike's bicep. She had made a point because twenty years before; he had weighed one fifty and had no muscle mass. Pretty quickly as a cop; he learned that he had to start working out and it had become normal now. He spent a lot of time in the gym. "Seriously, Helena was all perfect. Me?"

"I'll show you tonight how perfect I think you are." Mike smoothed his hands down Christine's sides and kissed her again.

"I will hold you to that." Christine gave him a playful swat and then headed out of the bedroom. Courtney was downstairs with her younger siblings. Hannah was going over the twin's Sunday school lessons while Courtney fixed lunch. Mike sat down with the twins and looked over their coloring pages while Christine and Courtney finished lunch.

"Mom, do you have a rash or something on your neck? It's all red." Courtney asked Christine and Mike turned around and gave Christine a mischievous look. He hadn't shaved in a day or so since he didn't have to work and she had a whisker burn all over her neck from their make out session earlier in the closet. Christine's cheeks turned as red as her neck and she gave Mike a look. He hadn't warned her of the burn before they had come downstairs.

"Must be…I have a new body wash. Yeah, that's it. I must be allergic. So your essay was really good. Dad and I made some corrections, but not too many."

"But only on your neck?" Courtney was nothing if not persistent. Mike decided to just end the conversation. He stood up and walked to the kitchen and lowered his voice. He had no problem telling Courtney but his twins didn't need to hear it.

"No, the truth is, I really love your mom and while we were upstairs, we were making out. That is a burn from my whiskers. I haven't shaved in a couple days and it burnt your mom's skin." Christine slapped him across the stomach with a kitchen towel and Courtney rolled her eyes and groaned.

"Well, do Mom a favor and shave. And way, way too much information, Dad. Talk about oversharing."

"I don't know, I kind of like it." Mike rubbed his chin and gave Christine a look. She knew he was only teasing Courtney.

"Well, you also like giving us kids kisses. I will boycott it." Courtney plopped down on one of the kitchen island stools and gave Christine a wink.

"I kind of agree with her, Mike. It's like kissing a porcupine. Go shave." Christine gave Mike a look that meant that he didn't need to argue. He smiled at her and nodded. It really wasn't that big of a deal.

"Daddy! I need to learn to shave!" Mikey had apparently overheard at least part of the conversation and had decided it was time to learn. He was rubbing his chin and looking excited at the prospect. It was beyond cute. Mike bent down and picked the little boy up.

"I am going to get away from all this estrogen and give a shaving lesson. Come on, Mikey." Mike leaned over and gave his wife a kiss on the cheek and gave his daughter a kiss on the side of the head. Courtney groaned at him and indicated for him to go upstairs. Christine gave Mikey a kiss on the cheek but nodded at Mike. It was a bonding time for Mike to have with their son but it was also a reminder of Lucas and a similar shaving lesson. Mike just couldn't think about that. He carried Mikey up the steps and into the master bathroom.

"Alright, shirts off. It's easier." Mike sat Mikey down on the vanity and helped him take the shirt off and then took his own off. He got his shaving cream out and found a disposable razor to use on Mikey. He could keep the guard on it and Mikey could shave himself, so to speak. "Alright; so let's put this shaving cream on you and me. Here we go." Mike rubbed the shaving cream all over Mikey's face and then his own. The little guy was grinning from ear to ear. The same way Lucas had done.

"Daddy, are you sad? You seem sad."

"A little. I did this same thing with your brother before he died. Makes me miss him. Okay, here's your razor. The guard is on it so you won't cut yourself. Let me show you." Mike wet the razor and put it to his own face. The only problem was the guard wasn't on and he immediately cut himself. "Sh…Hold off, kiddo, I have to get this bleeding stopped. I thought the guard was on."

Mike wiped his face and managed to stop the bleeding. Mikey had a worried look on his face and Mike leaned down to see what was wrong. Mikey threw his arms around Mike's neck and gave him a kiss on cheek.

"I'm sorry I made you sad, Daddy. That's why you cut yourself." Mikey had his head on Mike's shoulder. It made Mike realize that the skin-to-skin contact that he had gotten with his three oldest kids but not the twins was happening now, six years too late. He knew it was more important that it happened with Christine but when they got their babies home from the hospital, Mike had always made a point to take their sleepers off and to take his own shirt off and let them sleep on his chest. He had read that it made the bond between them stronger and he had loved those quiet moments. He heard Christine clear her throat and turned around and faced her.

"How are my two favorite guys?"

"Daddy cut hisself. He was sad because of our angel." Mike must have given the little boy a confused look.

"Mike, I have told the twins that Lucas is our angel. It makes it easier for them. I couldn't just not tell them anything."

"It's okay. Completely understandable. I like it." Mike kissed the top of Mikey's head and closed his eyes for just a second. Mikey smelled just like Lucas had too, the smile was the same and same hair color. Mike heard Christine whisper something in Mikey's ear and wipe the shaving cream off his face. He jumped into her arms and she sat him down on the floor and he ran off. As soon as they heard the bedroom door shut behind Mikey, Christine pulled Mike into a hug and he completely broke.

"I am sorry. I…we only meant it as a joke. I didn't mean to remind you of Lucas."

"I know. Just…just how have you done it all this time? It just hurts so badly. I had thought I had gone through the grieving process for him."

"Mike, the grieving process when you lose a child never ends. You and I have had a piece of hearts ripped out. We have to go on like it didn't happen, raise our remaining kids and be functioning members of society when crawling in bed and covering our faces with the blanket is what we really want to do. We have a daughter getting ready to graduate high school, another who is severely traumatized from an assault, and two six year olds who deserve nothing but our very best. As much as we would like to hole up in this room and not come out, we can't. Our lives, the rest of my heart and your heart sits downstairs. As much as I hate to say this, you are going to have to buck up. And believe me; there are days that I don't want to. All I want is the one thing I can never have again, at least while I'm alive. I want my baby back as badly as you do. But we still have four children still here; still living, breathing and needing us. The one thing we can do for Lucas is to take care of those four. We are luckier than most. We still have them and each other."

Mike could only nod and Christine pulled him closer. He felt like someone had ripped a piece of his heart out and then stomped on it but Christine was right. He had four very good reasons to keep going and he had Christine at his side on his good days and his bad.

 **This isn't the end of this story because there are too many loose ends but I am slowly drawing it to a close. I have an idea for a new story but want to finish out my others before I tackle it. Please enjoy and review!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 16

The week had gone by rapidly and Christine and the kids had stayed at Mike's throughout the work week. It had taken some juggling and some help from neighbors, looking in on Hannah while Christine worked. Mike would go home on his lunchbreak and make sure Hannah was okay and not scared. One day, she even went to work with him and studied in his office while he worked.

On Friday, Mike was working on the new policies that Andrea had come up with when Tom breezed in with an excited look on his face. It was odd for him.

"So, what is going on with you?" Mike asked Tom as he gave him a cup of coffee and closed a folder.

"So, has Courtney got a business suit?" Tom said as he was fidgeting with an envelope.

"I have no idea. I am curious as to why you are asking about my eighteen year old daughter's clothes though?" Mike had to tease Tom. He had suspected it had to do with the scholarship.

"You are a mess. Her essay outdid everyone's. It was unanimous. We all liked hearing the 'I don't have an answer' answer. She has to defend it now. Monday at four." Tom said with a huge grin on his face. Mike wanted to holler out in excitement. "A business suit is a good idea. We also liked that she didn't use you. I knew as soon as I read it, who wrote it but the others didn't. The First Lady was very impressed."

"Oh, that's great! Are you going to tell her?" Mike was happier than he had been since Hannah's attack.

"Nope. I thought you might want to. Inside here has the address, appropriate dress code, the stylus for the scoring. If she wins this; she will have a full ride scholarship, through medical school. She needs to be at the top of her game. You and Christine can be there but you have to be quiet. You've sat on this committee so you understand. The other essays are not as…passionate as her's." Tom said as he stood back up and handed Mike the manila envelope.

"Thanks so much. Do the other committee members know that Courtney is my daughter?" Mike said as he stood up. It was past time to go home anyway.

"No. They were curious. Figured I would know but I played dumb. I will really be hard on her Monday so she needs to prepare herself. She will end up hating me by the time it's all done. I will also not associate with her over the weekend. I don't mean to be an ass but I can't let a prior friendship to get in the way. I have to be completely impartial…or at least look that way. For the record, between you and I, I do really hope that she gets this. You would do the same if it was Ashley." Tom told Mike as he walked to the door. It was true and Mike understood it. Courtney would have to be careful not to let her hopes get up because of Tom.

"I will warn her. I do understand it. Thank you." Mike said as he slapped Tom on the back before he stepped out of the office. Mike collected his briefcase, shut the lights off, locked the doors and left.

The drive home seemed to take forever but when he pulled the truck in, he could hear the kids playing in the pool and knew that it was going to be a relaxed night. He also knew that Courtney was supposed to be studying for her finals. She was fighting for the valedictorian of her class. The girl that was in the second position was only a tenth of percentage point behind Courtney. Mike unlocked the front door and sit the briefcase on the couch. He thought about changing clothes before going out but he was too excited to tell Christine and Courtney.

"How are my favorite people?" Mike asked as he walked into the backyard. Christine and Hannah were sitting at the table but Courtney and the twins were in the swimming pool. Courtney had a new dad approved swimsuit and both Christine and Hannah were wearing cover ups. Hannah wouldn't be able to swim due to her stitches and arm cast but she could put her feet in the water at least.

"We're good. Mike, I've got steaks marinating in the fridge along with hamburgers for the kids. Hannah made fruit salad and I also have foil packets with vegetables made up to grill. Why don't you go change your clothes? Cool off for a bit and then we'll do supper?" Christine asked Mike as she leaned up to kiss him.

"I will but Court? Can you get out of the pool for a minute? Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth, can you go to shallow end and I'll watch you." Mike said with a wink to Christine. He had the envelope in his hand and she nodded in understanding. Courtney had complied and wrapped a towel around herself. The twins had gotten out completely and Christine was drying them off. "Okay, so Mom and you are going to go shopping tomorrow because I hear that there is a dress code for defending your essay in front of the committee. It was selected."

"Really? I didn't think it would be…" Courtney seemed totally dumbfounded by the news. He knew she was pretty overwhelmed by everything and hoped she didn't crack under all the pressure that was being put on her. Between finals, graduating at the top of her class and now the essay; he couldn't imagine it.

"Sweetie, you will do great. Just take a deep breath. Dad and I will sit down with you and you will defend your essay to us. Just don't stress." Christine said as she put an arm around her. Mike kissed Courtney's forehead at the same time.

"We are already so proud of you. You will do wonderfully no matter what." Mike said as he handed Christine the envelope and hugged Courtney. He finally pulled away before his uniform was completely soaked.

"I'd better go change. Kids, are you okay?" Mike asked the two younger kids who were helping Hannah with something. They both nodded at him and Mike bent down and kissed Hannah's head. Courtney had sat down next to them and Christine followed Mike inside and upstairs into their bedroom.

"She's getting stressed. I feel bad for her and Hannah is kind of comparing. She doesn't think she will ever measure up." Christine sat on the edge of their bed and watched Mike change out of his uniform and put his swim trunks on.

"She will be a famous chef or artist someday." Mike told Christine matter-of-factedly. It had been an old discussion. Courtney had always outshined Hannah. It had been since almost day one.

"I think so too but Hannah doesn't and that is the opinion that matters. I hope this homeschooling helps her." Christine said with an almost hopeless look. She was really worried about Hannah.

"I'll try talking to her; see if I can convince her. So, did you talk to the landlord?" Mike asked her as he pulled her in for a hug.

"My lease is up in June. He wants the May rent and we'll have to have everything out by June 1st. The one good thing is, Edwin has found somewhere for him and Rose. He'll never admit it but I think Hannah's attack scared him." Christine wrapped her arms around Mike and nuzzled into his chest. "Hey, I was wondering; I know it's an odd anniversary coming up; our 23rd but what do you think about having our vows renewed? I really want to."

"I would like to. My question is…does this have to do with Helena? Christy, you know that I am a hundred percent devoted to you, right? I want to not just celebrate this anniversary but our twenty fifth, our thirtieth, fortieth and so on. The entire time I was with her; I only wanted you and now I only want you. I choose you and I will keep choosing you until I take my dying breath." Mike told Christine as she had tears running down her face. He wiped the tears and kissed her again. He would give her anything she asked for to put his affair by them.

"I know. I just want this. I can't explain it. It doesn't have to be fancy at all." The whole time, Christine was looking towards their wedding picture on Mike's dresser. They were both young and had no clue what their futures would throw at them. Five kids, the death of one of those kids, being separated for over six years and an affair. They really didn't even know about love.

"Your wish is my command. I'll make it happen. When you take Courtney tomorrow, find what you want to wear and something for the kids. I'll organize it." Mike said it with serious doubts but he had a young girl downstairs who would love helping with it. "Do you care if I enlist Hannah to help?"

"No, I was going to suggest it. She needs something to fixate on." Christine said as she smoothed Mike's hair down.

"Okay. It will be amazing. Do you think we could farm out the kids for the night, maybe get a hotel room?" Mike asked her mischievously.

"Honeymoon we didn't take when we could have? I think we could probably get away for a night." Christine gave him a cheeky smile as she said it. The truth was they definitely didn't need a hotel room to what a honeymoon would have consisted of.

"I will make the arrangements. We'd better get downstairs." As Mike was talking he took Christine's hand in his own. A thought had occurred to him. She had sold her engagement ring and only had a wedding band. He wanted to get her a new ring but something that signified the changes their lives had taken. They walked down the stairs hand in hand and Christine split off to get the meat out of the fridge.

"Mike, go cool off. I'll turn the grill on and let it get heated up. Take a swim." Christine said it after she gave him a kiss and pushed him towards the door. Courtney and the twins were in the water but Hannah was sitting at the pool edge with her feet in the water. It gave him the perfect opportunity to talk to her. He walked out and got in the pool but swam to where he could quietly talk to her.

"Hey, sweet pea. I need your help with something for Mom." Mike patted her arm and smiled at her. Hannah still looked rough from her attack the week before and most nights she ended up sleeping with Sarah Elizabeth and even occasionally Christine and Mike.

"Sure but Courtney is better at everything, are you sure you don't want her to do whatever it is?" Hannah told Mike with a depressed tone. She truly had no confidence in herself even before her attack and now, it was even worse.

"Nope, she isn't better at this sort of thing. You are. Mom wants us to renew our vows on our anniversary. It's on the sixth of June. I want to do something really special for her. We got married in our parent's backyard and I would imagine it would be easier for us to renew our vows in this yard and I will arrange for Master Chief to officiate but otherwise, the food, decorations and everything is up to you. I will pay for everything and will help you but I want you to do this because I think you will make it absolutely beautiful." Mike told Hannah very quietly. He would never be able to instill self confidence in her but he could at least make her believe that he thought she was capable of anything.

"Or I might mess it up?" Hannah told him equally as quietly. Mike got out of the pool and sat down beside her and put an arm around her.

"Nope. I know you too well. This is for your mom and I and you are selfless. You will want it perfect for us. I believe that you will make it absolutely perfect. Don't prove me wrong." Mike knew by telling Hannah that he was challenging her and the one thing that equaled Hannah's lack of confidence was the fact that she was stubborn and determined.

"How many people?" Hannah asked him with a determined tone. Mike knew then, she had accepted his challenge.

"Mom and I need to go over a guest list. I would say fifty. I will get chairs and such arranged and you and I will go shopping for food and decorations. Since you have a cast on, I know you may have some issues cooking and decorating so I will help you with that but otherwise, you do all the planning. Menu and decorations. I also need to come up with an idea for a new ring for Mom. She sold her engagement ring years ago so I want to get her something new. Any ideas?" Mike asked Hannah because he could see the wheels turning in her head.

"Mom and Court are going shopping tomorrow? We could maybe go and look at stuff then? We don't have a lot of time, Dad. Talk about short notice." Hannah said with a grin. He knew she was joking around again and he kissed the side of her head.

"You bet. I may see if I can make arrangements for the twins to go somewhere. Then it'll be a date for me and you and Mom and Court can have a day out." Mike said as he stood up. Christine was on her way out with the tray of meat and he needed to man the grill. He met her at the grill and took the tray, opening the lid.

"So, Hannah is on board to help with our vow renewal. Do you think we can find somewhere for the twins? It'll give you some time with Court and give me some time with Hannah. I think she needs some time with one of us." Mike quietly asked Christine as he put the steaks on the grill and shut the lid.

"I actually was speaking to Sasha; she had come to the door while you were back here. She asked if they could come over tomorrow for a swim party with their kids. I told her yes." Christine told Mike as she was watching their kids playing in the pool. Even Hannah was splashing the twins with her free hand.

"Perfect." Mike said as he opened the lid to the grill. The burgers needed to be put on. He was not normally into big parties and elaborate proclamations of love but he was starting to get excited for the renewal.


	17. Chapter 17

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 17

Mike and Christine sit in back of the room where Courtney was defending her essay. The board sit at the front of the room with Courtney standing at a podium facing them. She was wearing a smart dark blue pant suit and had her hair done in an elegant bun that Christine had done for her. The board consisted of Tom, Russ Jeter, the First Lady, a member of the President's staff and the Mayor of St. Louis. If Courtney was nervous; Mike didn't know it.

"In your essay; you said, you didn't have any answer to stop a global epidemic from happening again. While I like your answer in the essay, I need you to elaborate." Tom said in a very commanding voice that even made Mike sit up a little straighter.

"That is correct. I don't have a good answer. I do know; what happened with the Red Flu cannot happen again. There are so many ways to prevent it. Making the manufacture of these diseases more controlled by their governments and sanctioning travel but the reality is; no one has a sure answer. Everything is hypothetical. What we can do; is look back over how things were dealt with during the outbreak to perhaps control things." Courtney's voice seemed strong, so much so that Mike and Christine could barely hear the nervousness.

"In your essay; you mentioned a family member that was a member of the Nathan James crew. I appreciate that you didn't use his position but I would like to know who it was, as I see that Admiral Slattery is behind you, I can assume that he is your family member." The First Lady asked with a firm voice. Mike was concerned that his relationship with Helena would endanger Courtney's chances at the scholarship. Christine squeezed his hand and nodded at him. She understood Mike's fears.

"Admiral Slattery is my father. I didn't feel using his position or the fact that he was even on the Nathan James was a good idea. I almost didn't even mention it but I am a little proud of him." Courtney said with a smile on her face.

"You should be. Knowing a little of his story; I know that you only recently had him come back into your life. How has his long absence affected you and do you resent him? He had to fight pretty hard to get the cure home." The First Lady was asking the personal questions that Mike knew would come up.

"I absolutely do not resent him. As I stated before; I am proud of him. He had to sacrifice watching us grow up, being there when my brother and sister was born, being there for my mom and when my brother died, he didn't get to say goodbye. I can't imagine how he did what he did knowing that my mom, my sister and I were in danger. I did miss him a lot while he was gone but now, knowing what he did; I am so proud of him that any sacrifice I made was worth it." Courtney said with just as much firmness.

"Alright, Courtney, I'll be honest, we don't have many questions to ask because you pretty well answered them already. We need to go into a closed session but I ask that you and your parents stay close by. The decision will be made pretty quickly. There is a lounge right out that door. Make yourselves comfortable." The first lady gestured to the door that was in the back of the room and Mike, Christine and Courtney all stepped out of the room. As soon as Mike closed the door; Courtney let out a deep breathe.

"You did really well, Court. I'm proud of you." Mike told her quietly and put an arm around her.

"Thanks, Dad. Now, I need to study for my final." Courtney said as she hugged him back and then pulled away to go to the couch to begin studying for one of her finals the next day. Mike and Christine settled on a seat across the room from her.

"So, that is Helena's sister?" Christine asked Mike quietly.

"Yeah. I was a little nervous. She seemed to handle it though." Mike said in Christine's ear.

"She did. I feel like the other woman; not the wife." Christine told him.

"I am really sorry. I hate you being in this position. For whatever it's worth; I love you and I don't consider you the other woman. The only woman is more like it." Mike didn't know what else to do say to Christine feel better.

"I love you too, Mike. It just hurts more than I realized sometimes." Christine told him quietly.

"I wish I knew how to make it better?" Mike asked her as he squeezed her hand.

"I'm not sure you can. Don't worry about it." Christine told him quietly and stroked his face. "It's just the constant fear that she'll show back up. I know you will always love and take care of the kids, but you have a choice where I'm concerned. I am not some thirty year old with a perfect body and skin. I'm the forty something that is a little on the saggy and gray side."

"Yeah, me too. As far as me loving and taking care of you; you are the mother of my children and that will always mean a lot. I can tell you that I will always love you and will always choose you but words don't mean a lot. I have to prove it. The only thing I ask is that you give me the time?" Mike asked her just as quietly.

"Of course. So, what is going on with our vow renewal?" Christine asked as she turned Mike's hand over and fiddled with his wedding band.

"Yep, our backyard. Hannah has this whole menu going and I think Garnett is on deck to help her with that. I am taking care of decorations and seating. Jeter is going to officiate. I also have arranged for babysitting that night. The twins are staying at Tom and Sasha's, Hannah will be at Russ and Andrea's and Courtney is staying with a friend. We have a room at the Four Seasons. I can get you a massage and pretty well anything else you want." Mike told her.

"I think just the hotel room sounds nice." Christine said just as Russ came to the door and gestured at them to come back into the room. Mike and Christine followed Courtney in and they all found their original places.

"Alright, Miss Slattery, it is our pleasure to tell you, you have been selected as the recipient of this year's Rachel Scott Medical Scholarship. This scholarship will give you a full ride scholarship to the University of St. Louis, through their pre-medical program and then through medical school. It pays tuition, books, room and board and also gives a stipend so the student can devote themselves fully to their studies. There will be some media scrutiny due to who your father is but I am sure you can handle that. Congratulations." The First Lady said with a huge smile on her face. The other members of the board had stood up, along with Mike and Christine. They were all shaking hands with Courtney but the First Lady seemed to be making a point to wait for Mike and Christine.

"Ma'am, thank you. Uh…this is my wife…Christine." Mike introduced Christine to the First Lady. He wasn't even sure what the protocol was for the situation; but he felt it needed to be done. The First Lady shook Christine's hand graciously and introduced herself.

"Admiral Slattery, if I could have a moment. Your wife can be here but I would prefer your daughter not hear this." The First Lady, Ann, indicated the door of the room that Mike, Christine and Courtney had waited in just a few minutes before. Courtney was talking to Tom and Russ and seemed occupied so Mike and Christine followed the First Lady in the room. Mike had noticed that she had seemed a bit frazzled but had let it go. As soon as the door shut; he noticed the tears in her eyes. "I thought, you needed to know…Helena killed herself this morning. She hated New York. It really wasn't a huge shock but you need to know something else; before you hear it from the media. She was pregnant. She had told me that she was only about six weeks along. I asked her about telling you but she didn't want to disturb you. And I considered not telling you but I felt you had a right to know. I will tell you; there is a possibility that the baby wasn't yours but Helena seemed pretty sure of it. James has had the investigation closed already, not wanting the media to get ahold of it. I am really sorry, Mike. I know you cared about her but she knew you belonged with your wife and children. She didn't want to disturb that. Don't blame yourself for it; Helena had attempted suicide before. Mrs. Slattery, I also don't want you to blame yourself. Mike's place was with you and we all knew it. I really don't know what else to say to make this any better. I am having her…remains brought back here. I don't expect you at the funeral but I just…felt you all should know."

Ann had completely broken down and Christine surprisingly had sat down next to her and was trying to comfort her, all while keeping an eye on Mike. Mike was not sure what to even feel, other than complete sadness. He, eventually sit down next to Ann to try and comfort her. He was shocked at how Ann had held herself together throughout the interview. Christine told her to let them know the service details after Ann's aide came to the door. It was time for them to leave.

On the drive home, Christine held Mike's free hand tightly as he drove them. Courtney was talking to her friend's and was completely oblivious to her parent's mood. Kara had stayed with Hannah and the twins while they were gone. Mike made an excuse of going up and changing out of his suit while Christine was visiting with her. He shut the bedroom door; knowing Christine would be following him up as soon as Kara left. Mike sat down at the end of the bed, not knowing rather to cry or get mad.

About an hour later; once Christine felt Mike had had the necessary time to be alone; walked in with a tray of food. She had told the older girls what was going on; but kept it from the twins. Courtney had known about Helena and while saddened for her father and his loss, was not terribly shocked. Hannah however didn't know about Helena and was honestly angry at Mike for cheating on Christine. Hannah was not aware of the optics of the situation, only that Mike had hurt her mom. She didn't care that her father was now in severe pain and Christine wasn't sure how to even tell Mike that Hannah was threatening to move out. She sat down beside him and squeezed his hand.

"I know you aren't okay and it's okay not to be. Is there anything I can do that will make this better?" Christine asked Mike, not sure how to even tell him about Hannah.

"I honestly don't know. I have killed, more than I want to admit. You know that. But this is different. I caused the death of an innocent woman and unborn baby. My unborn baby. I don't know how to feel about that." Mike said with a sob. Christine rubbed his back and pulled him to where his head was laying on her chest. "How can you be like this? I would expect you to be angry or upset with me."

"Because I love you and I don't feel you killed her. Helena had issues long before she met you. But before you get any crazy ideas, you still have four kids that love and adore you. I know you've had your moments too but you have us now. We need you." Christine told Mike quietly as he sobbed into her blouse. She was rubbing his shoulder and had wrapped both arms around him. She knew she had to tell him about how angry Hannah was but he was so broken up. She hated herself for even telling Hannah. "Mike, you need to know, I told the older kids what happened. Courtney feels horribly and wanted to come in here but Hannah is pretty upset with you. She feels you cheated on me and she is angry. I wish I hadn't told her but I felt she had a right to know. Now, I don't know how to fix it. I know the kids are going to be how you get through this but you'll need Hannah too. I guess, I need some parenting advice on my screw up."

"I'll talk to her, try to explain it. I can't lose her too." Mike said as he finally sit up. Christine leaned over and kissed him and stood up. Before she had gotten to her full height; he grabbed her hand and pulled her back down. "Thank you, I love you too." Mike gave her a kiss and let her hand go.

Christine walked into Hannah's bedroom where she was working on her schoolwork at the desk, as much as she could with her uninjured right hand. The bruises from her attack were all but faded but the signs were still there. Christine knocked on the dresser so not to scare Hannah before she walked up behind her. She put her hands on either shoulder and just started talking.

"Hannah, when I found out I was pregnant with you, I was overwhelmed. We couldn't afford a second baby right then and I didn't handle my pregnancy well. I loved you then and now but your dad, though, he was over the moon. He loved you long before he ever met you. Every night before bed; he would put his hands on my belly and feel you kicking. He would kiss my belly, right where he thought your head was. I think he probably kissed your hands and feet more often but it was a sweet gesture nonetheless. Then you were born and he was even happier. The nurse had to get onto him because he was hogging you and you needed to bond with me. When you were attacked, your dad was so scared. He was terrified that you would not let him hold you or hug you because of what had been done to you. And now, you know about Helena. You are only seeing that your dad took up with her and cheated on me. But there is another side to that; he thought I was dead and was depressed, he needed someone and Helena fit the bill. I am honestly thankful for her. Had there not been Helena; your dad would have potentially killed himself. Once I was back in the picture; I promise he is one percent devoted to me. Your dad not only lost a person he cared for but also lost a baby. He's grieving for that baby. And now; I had to go in and tell him that another one of his babies doesn't want to see him or talk to him and is angry at him. His one statement was that he couldn't lose you too. Don't make that happen, Hannah. Losing you will be worse than losing that baby and your dad will not survive it."

Christine had been squeezing Hannah's shoulders a little tightly and Hannah had thrown her pencil down in frustration. Christine leaned down and seen the tears rolling down her cheeks and so she knelt down beside her and pulled her into a hug. There was a noise out in the hallway and Christine seen Mike in the hallway. She gestured for him to come in and he knelt down on Hannah's other side. Christine could tell that he was struggling for words and still looked a bit emotional. Hannah, surprisingly, pulled away from Christine. At first Christine was afraid that Hannah would say something to Mike but instead; Hannah practically fell into Mike's arms hugging him. They were both sitting on the floor and Christine decided to give them both some privacy. She did bend down and gave them both a kiss on the top of the head and walked downstairs, having decided to tell the twins that their daddy was really sad and they needed to make sure and give him plenty of hugs and kisses. She really didn't know what else to do to comfort her very upset husband.


	18. Chapter 18

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 18

Losing Lucas had been difficult and Mike would always miss him but losing the unborn baby was just a cruel twist of fate. Most people would tell him to fixate on the fact that the baby might have not been his but Mike was certain that the baby was his. A baby he had never gotten to meet, hold or love. It would have been a very difficult situation because it would have required Christine to accept a child that wasn't hers and had been a result of an affair. But that would never come to fruition because Helena had killed herself and as a result, their unborn baby. He was unbelievably angry at her.

He understood Christine's reasoning for telling the two older girls but Hannah's reaction had hurt. She had given him the hug but things were very stilted with her. Hannah would always be more of a momma's girl and Mike was generally fine with that. Since her attack, she had leaned a lot on Christine and Mike understood it. He was terrified that his relationship with her was forever altered and all he wanted was to hold his remaining four kids, except Hannah was fairly resistant to it. After she had pulled away from him, it was like she had closed him off and Mike didn't know how to make things better with her. He just knew that he had to.

Mike had retreated back into his and Christine's bedroom simply because he didn't want things to be uncomfortable with his other kids because of the distance between Hannah and him. At eight; Christine brought the twins in. They were both full of hugs and kisses for him and Mike looked at Christine for an explanation.

"I just told them that you were sad about something and they needed to give you plenty of hugs and kisses. Nothing more." Christine quietly explained from over Sarah Elizabeth's head. He knew she was beating herself up in regards to telling Hannah about the affair.

"Okay, thanks. I love you both." Mike told them both before giving them both a final kiss and hug before bed. They both ran out of the bedroom to their respective rooms. Christine sat down next to him for a minute before she had to tuck the twins in.

"Mike, I am really, really sorry for telling the girls. I thought that Hannah would understand it better and I was wrong. This is entirely my fault. I know you are hurt right now and maybe even a bit angry at her for her reaction and probably really angry at me but please don't stop trying with her. I don't really know how you feel where I am concerned but please know, I love you. If you want me to move back to the apartment, I can. We can work something out with the kids…" Christine had said it with tears in her voice and Mike squeezed her hand.

"I would never allow you to move back there. I am not angry at you or Hannah. I understand the decision you made and it probably for the best that she knows. I am a little shocked at her reaction. It hurts a lot. I want to fix things but I honestly don't know how to. I understand what you say about continuing trying but I also don't want to push her. I am just terrified I have lost my baby girl too and no, it is not your fault." Mike told Christine firmly and brushed a tear off her cheek.

"I agree. I will work on it. I just hate it for you and her. You've been so close and now to have this drive you apart…it's devastating. I'd better go in and tuck the kids in. I know Courtney wanted to come in and give you a hug and kiss before bed but I am honestly not sure where Hannah is concerned. I'm going to encourage it but don't be surprised if she doesn't." Christine dried her tears and stood up, but then bent down and gave Mike a kiss on the forehead.

"Tell Court to come on in and if Hannah wants to, I would love for her to. I won't force it though. I love you." Mike said it was as much of a smile as he could muster and stood up enough to give Christine a kiss on the lips.

"I love you too. I'll be back in a couple minutes." Christine told him as she walked out of their bedroom. Mike sighed deeply. It was really difficult to keep his composure around Christine and the kids. He knew he needed to get a grip but he just couldn't. Maybe a small part of him was still grieving for Lucas and the loss of his unborn child was too much to bear. And then adding the falling out with Hannah, he was overwhelmed.

Courtney knocked on the door and he gestured for her to come on in. She had finals the next day and her high school graduation was Saturday. He felt terribly because he should have been celebrating her accomplishments but instead she was worried sick about him. She sat down next to him and seemed to be at a loss for words.

"Sweetheart, I understand you are worried about me but I want you to concentrate on those finals. I am proud of you regardless of how you do but I want you to do well and you won't if you are stressed out about me. Clear?" Mike tried to be firm but it was a little harder than he figured it would be. Courtney, however had seemed to catch his drift.

"I will. I am trying to talk to Hannah but she's stubborn. I know that is really hurting you; maybe even more than Helena and that baby dying. Not that I can really give you parenting advice but I can give you kid advice; when Hannah was attacked, and you and Mom had every reason to be mad and upset with me, you still loved me. I know this with Hannah has hurt you and maybe you're mad at her; but don't let her think that you have stopped loving her because of it. I was terrified because of how I acted that I would not be loved by you and Mom but you guys made it clear that you still loved me, even if I wasn't necessarily worth of it. You need to do the same with Hannah." Courtney reached over and squeezed his hand as she said it and then gave him a kiss on the cheek before she stood up. Mike had to smile at the idea of his eighteen year old giving him parenting advice.

"Court, I think you need to rethink your specialty. Not pediatrics. Go for psychiatry. The hours are better anyway." Mike pulled her back down and gave her a kiss on the forehead before she left him to his own devices. Mike decided to check on the twins and Christine and see if Hannah was up for a talk.

Christine was reading to both of the twins in Sarah Elizabeth's room. He knew she would move Mikey over to his own room after they finished reading the book but he sit down next to Sarah Elizabeth and kissed both kids. Mikey was all but asleep.

"I'll carry him into his room. You keep reading." Mike told Christine as he picked the little boy up. Mikey clung to Mike as he carried him in and settled him into the freshly turned down bed. After several kiss good nights, Mikey settled down. Mike thought he was asleep but as he left the room, Mikey sit up slightly.

"Daddy, don't forget we all love you. Even Hannah." Mikey said it with a yawn and Mike nodded at him before he shut the light off. Christine was settling Sarah Elizabeth into her bed, and Mike blew the little girl a kiss.

"I am going to go talk to Hannah for a minute. I need to make something clear to her." Mike told Christine quietly and she nodded at him. He walked to Hannah's room and she was lying on her bed. As soon as he walked in, she rolled to her injured side, so she wasn't facing him. Mike knew it had hurt her and that hurt him but he needed to make it clear to her that she was loved regardless how she felt about him. "I know you are angry at me and I am sorry for that. You're whole life, I've been your hero and now you've found something out about me that is not tasteful. Yes, I cheated on your mom. Yes, I regret it. Yes, I still love your mom and I always will. Yes, she has forgiven me and for the most part gotten past it. It's okay to be angry at me. You have plenty of reasons. It's even okay if you hate me for what I've done but you need to know; you can hate me, disrespect me and make me miserable; at the end of the day; I will still love you as much as I ever have. Nothing you can do will make you unlovable where I am concerned. Now, I am going to leave this room because I know lying on that side has to be incredibly painful. If you need anything, don't hesitate to wake Mom or me up."

Mike rubbed Hannah's shoulder before he left the room. He had noticed how stiff she was and knew that she was shutting him out. It hurt. Christine had moved the baby photo albums into their room the night before so that Mike could familiarize himself with the twin's baby pictures. He sat back down at the end of the bed with Hannah's baby book.

Mike didn't play favorites with his kids but if he had to name a favorite; it was Hannah. They hadn't planned on a second baby so soon and Christine was pretty overwhelmed with the idea. She loved Hannah but she had struggled with the idea of being pregnant with her. Mike was thrilled with the idea of another baby. Hannah had been sickly. She almost constantly had colic and Christine was busy with the very curious Courtney. Mike spent a lot of nights trying to comfort their fussy baby so that Christine could rest before she had to contain Courtney and Hannah. It created a special bond for Mike and Hannah.

In first grade, it become pretty obvious that Hannah had some sort of learning disability. At that point, Mike and Christine had a very busy four year little boy and Courtney was ten and already excelling in school. Lucas ended up having trouble in school too but not like Hannah had. Courtney and Lucas had overshadowed Hannah completely. It might not have been so bad if Hannah hadn't been so introverted but between Courtney's ability to excel at everything she tried and Lucas' very outgoing personality; Hannah was lost and Mike was almost constantly deployed. Parenting Courtney and Lucas was easier for Christine but she struggled with Hannah. The only thing they really had in common was their love of cooking and painting. Christine did her best to use those shared talents as a way to connect with Hannah.

When Mike was home; Hannah came out of her bubble a little. Mike wasn't dyslexic by any means but he understood her struggles in school and being the middle child because he was one. Between a massively intelligent older sister and a little brother that could charm anyone he saw; Hannah needed one on one time with at least one parent and somehow, Mike was always on deck. She was a daddy's girl through and through but once her attack happened, Hannah needed her mother and it was something that Mike knew only Christine could help her with. He was happy to stand back. The twins even overshadowed Hannah a little.

Christine came in while Mike was looking at the album and smiled at the pictures. They showed a very close relationship between Mike and Hannah. Christine hoped that Mike could recapture that again. Until he and Hannah made amends, their family would be fractured. Christine got up and changed into her nightgown. She put one on that Mike really enjoyed but knew that it wouldn't lead to anything. He was too overwhelmed to even be intimate. Christine's hope was that it would at lease distract him. He gave her a slight smile before getting ready for bed. After about ten minutes; they were cuddled in bed.

As Christine suspected; Mike didn't seem to have the energy to do anything but stare into space. He didn't seem to even be sleepy. It worried Christine and what bothered her more was that she suspected it had more to do with Hannah than anything. She could only hope that their normally very selfless daughter realized quickly what she was doing to her father.


	19. Chapter 19

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 19

Christine and Mike attended Helena's private funeral on Thursday. There were very few people in attendance. It was very sad in reality because it was like Helena had made no real impact on the world. Thankfully, everything had been kept from the media and somehow the President had gotten it painted that she had died from natural causes. She had actually taken an entire bottle of sleeping pills.

Mike had spoken with the medical examiner with the First Lady's approval. Helena had been approximately eleven weeks along, further along than the First Lady suspected. The medical examiner told Mike that it was a little early to tell for sure but he suspected that the baby would have been a girl. Helena had not suffered, going to sleep and just not waking up. She had lain for a full day before a maid found her.

What bothered Mike most was that Helena had probably known that she was pregnant when she and Mike parted ways. It was really hard not to think of all the 'What if's'. There was no suicide note and it was like Helena had just stopped existing and the baby she was carrying never would. Christine had been completely supportive of Mike the entire time. It was shocking and helped Mike considerably. The one thing she couldn't do was fix things with Hannah. The falling out was getting progressively worse. Hannah refused to even be in the same room with Mike and would not speak to him and Mike was completely heartbroken by it. Courtney and the twins were keeping him going with their hugs and kisses but Mike simply wanted his second oldest back. As he and Christine were driving back from the funeral, she squeezed his hand as he drove.

"It'll get better." Christine tried to sound more confident but she wasn't sure that it would where Hannah was concerned.

"I wish I was so sure. I know I need to be concentrating on the fact that Courtney is graduating at the top of her class, and just received a huge scholarship. She's been accepted into a very prestigious college. I have four absolutely beautiful kids, even if one refuses to acknowledge me. I have an amazing wife. It isn't even so much about Helena or that baby. This deal with Hannah, just hurts so much. And I know you're blaming yourself but it isn't your fault. It's mine. If I hadn't done what I did with Helena, this wouldn't have ever happened." Mike said it as he pulled up to a red light and Christine squeezed his hand again.

"Or, when Hannah really needed you, you weren't there because you ate your gun, which Helena stopped? Hannah would have died. You kept her from bleeding to death and when she needed blood, you donated. And despite how badly she's hurting you right now; you'd do it again in a heartbeat, wouldn't you?" Christine asked Mike. She knew the answer because Mike loved his kids unconditionally.

"Absolutely. I wouldn't want her to die no matter how badly she hurts me. I just want to hold her one more time but then if I did, I'd want to again. Our anniversary is next week and I just want this fixed before. Just don't know how to do it." Mike told Christine as he accelerated through the intersection after the light turned. She could hear the tears in his voice. They had been present all week.

"Mike, I think she will come around. I really do. Just be patient even when it hurts. Don't close yourself off." Christine said it as they pulled into their driveway. The kids were officially out of school and Courtney had offered to babysit the younger kids with Tom checking up on them. Mike and Christine walked into the house and Mike immediately noticed Hannah lying on the couch. She was awake and looked really pale. As soon as she saw Mike, she turned her face away. Something was wrong and he looked at Courtney.

"She was trying to help Mikey and I think she pulled a muscle or something in her stomach. I made her lay down immediately. I know I should have called but I knew what you guys were doing was important. The twins are upstairs." Courtney had told Mike as Christine checked Hannah over. Mike could hear her asking Hannah questions and so after giving Courtney a hug and kiss, he walked around the couch to check on Hannah.

"Is she okay?" Mike asked Christine as she checked the bandage on Hannah's stomach. The bruises were mostly healed but was still a stark reminder of what had happened.

"It's not like you care. You replaced Mom with that woman and were replacing us with that baby. I bet you wish we had all just died and…" Hannah was trying to stand up as she said it and instead of finishing her sentence, she cried out and fell into Mike. Despite being as stiff as a board, Mike gently picked her back up and laid her on the couch. Something was definitely wrong and Christine went back to checking her.

"I truly think she just pulled something but we need to keep an eye on her. Court, did you put any ice or a heat bag on this?" Christine asked Courtney as she lifted the shirt up and took Hannah's bandage off. Mike hadn't seen the wound since the night of Hannah's attack. The stitches looked good but it still looked painful.

"I wasn't sure what to use. The ice might have melted and hurt her stitches and I wasn't sure about heat. Should I get something ready?" Courtney asked as she came to the back of the couch. Hannah had turned completely away from Mike.

"Mike, do you have a heating pad or something of that nature?" Christine asked Mike as she rebandaged the wound and tucked Hannah's shirt back in place. They had both totally ignored Hannah's latest insult at Mike.

"In our room. I'll get it. Use it on my shoulder sometimes." Mike told Christine as he headed for the stairs to get the heat bag. Christine and he had decided not to give any negative attention to Hannah's insults. Sometimes it was hard not to lash back but it really would do no good. He grabbed the rice bag and ran back down the stairs. He needed to change out of his suit but he wanted to ease his daughter's pain first. He put the bag in the microwave and took his tie off. It gave him a moment to just take a deep breath and pray that things got better. The microwave beeped and the bag was plenty warm. He wrapped a tea towel around it because he didn't particularly want it to burn Hannah. He walked over and handed it to Christine. She immediately put the bag on Hannah's stomach and when Mike looked down he could see the tears streaming down Hannah's cheeks. He knew it wouldn't be well received but he bent down and wiped the tears.

"Jeez, just leave me alone, Dad. If you even want to call yourself that anymore. I definitely don't." Hannah said it with such venom in her voice, Mike didn't even know she was capable of being so mean. Mike and Christine may have decided not to correct Hannah but Courtney apparently hadn't agreed with that decision.

"Hannah, quit being such a little brat. Dad is only trying to help you because you're in pain. He's doing it because he loves you. He wasn't replacing us. He was trying to go on with his life before losing us destroyed him and so you turn around and try and destroy him after he saved your life." Courtney said it before she walked away and before Mike or Christine could stop her.

"Alright, Hannah, I want you to lie still with that heating pad on your stomach for a few minutes. Maybe fifteen. Dad and I will be close. Does it feel better?" Christine asked Hannah with a firm voice.

"A little but I would rather go to my room. Wherever Dad isn't." Hannah told Christine, loud enough for Mike to hear.

"Well, given that you couldn't stand up without falling into your father, walking up the steps is out of the question. Your dad would have to carry you which would defeat the purpose of getting away from him. It's a good thing he caught you." Christine told Hannah before she stood up and walked towards Mike. He had walked into the kitchen to just get away and as soon as she rounded the corner, she pulled him into a quiet hug.

Mike finally pulled away and gave Christine a soft kiss. She had been a rock through everything. Holding him after he spoke to the medical examiner and trying to smooth things over with Hannah. It was exhausting. Mike hoped he could give her the vow renewal she wanted so badly. She deserved a beautiful day.

Hannah fell asleep pretty quickly, which enabled the entire family to have a quiet afternoon with no air of animosity. Mike watched her sleeping and gave her a tender kiss on the forehead. It was something he had done several times since their falling out because she would never allow him to kiss her when she was awake.

Courtney had bailed in to help with their vow renewal because Mike wasn't certain what Hannah would do. When asked she had told Christine she didn't understand why she would want to stay married to Mike after what he did, let alone renewing the vows. Christine had been so patient with the whole situation but she did lose her temper when Hannah had told her that. She reminded Hannah it was her decision. Hannah was not happy with it.

Hannah woke up just before supper and seemed to be in intense pain. She ate and Christine gave her a dose of pain medication. The fortunate part of that was that Hannah seemed to have no energy for insults towards Mike. She couldn't walk up the steps and Mike picked her up and carried her up them. It was probably the pain medicine working but she was at least not stiff and even leaned into Mike a little. As he laid her down onto Sarah Elizabeth's bed; he kissed her on the cheek. She was slightly alert but didn't seem to be retracting. Mike saw it as a gain even though he knew it was pain related and medication induced.

"Hannah, like I said the other day, no matter how unlovable you try to make yourself, I will still always love you. I would have killed myself if I hadn't had Helena. She wasn't a replacement for your mom and I didn't even know about the baby. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for this where your mom is concerned and now apparently, you too. I am not going to give up. Now, we put you in Sarah Elizabeth's room so we could hear you if you called out and Sarah Elizabeth has been instructed to wake us up if you needed anything. I love you, sweetheart." Mike said it as he kept a hand on Hannah's forehead. Christine and Sarah Elizabeth walked in and the little girl reached up for a goodnight hug. Mike picked her up and kissed her cheek as Christine helped Hannah settle. It felt good to hold the sweet little girl. It just reminded Mike of all the times he had held Hannah when she was the same age.

After getting the twins to sleep, Christine went downstairs to clean somethings up and Mike went in for his shower. By the time she got back in, he was sitting back on the bed with Hannah's baby book. It had been an almost nightly habit since the falling out. She gently took the photo album out of his hands and straddled him. It had taken him by surprise but he found himself unbuttoning her blouse and kissing her neck.

"I wanted to take your mind off everything and this is the only thing I could come up with." Christine whispered in his ear as she reached down and unzipped her skirt.

"I like how you think. Is the door locked?" Mike asked her as he finally got the blouse off and began working on the skirt.

"Absolutely. I told the twins to knock if they needed anything or if Hannah started hurting. Just relax." Christine said as she stood up to take the skirt off as Mike also stood up and picked her up and laid her down on the bed. Christine hoped that Hannah could at least sleep well so Mike could have some peace for at least a little while.


	20. Chapter 20

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 20

Things didn't get any better with Hannah, just progressively worse. It tore Mike to pieces when she refused to be in the same room with him, or refused to look at him. What made it worse was that she had been diagnosed with pleurisy. Climbing the stairs was unbelievably painful for her but she refused to have Mike carry her up the stairs, causing herself even more pain.

Christine was at her wit's end dealing with Hannah. Mike at least got a break from it when he went to work but Christine and Courtney dealt with the moods day in and day out. By the time, Mike got home from work; they were both exhausted.

Courtney had been named as valedictorian and Mike and Christine made a day out of her graduation. Hannah was having a particularly pain filled day and ended up having to stay home with Andrea and Russ staying with her. Mike hated telling them why Hannah was so upset with him but secretly hoped the two very calming people could somehow get through to Hannah.

After Courtney's graduation; they took her and the twins out to eat at the restaurant that Christine had worked in. The chef, Juan, a friend of Christine's spoiled Courtney with a Baked Alaska that she shared with the twins. Mike discretely ordered a piece of cherry chocolate cheesecake for Hannah to take home with them.

"Hoping to get on her good side with sweets, Mike?" Christine meant it as a joke and Mike knew it but there was a little bit of truth to it.

"If it would work then I would buy a candy store in a heartbeat. I just didn't want her to feel left out." Mike told Christine quietly as he snuck a bite of the Baked Alaska.

"You are an amazing dad." Christine said as she wiped Mike's chin with her napkin.

"Not really. Right now, I have a daughter who refuses to speak to me or even be in the same room with me. Not anyone's definition of a good dad." Mike was close to tears again and Christine decided to change the subject. It was Courtney's day and she didn't want to rain on it.

"Mike, it'll get better. So, Courtney and I need to go over the menu for next week. Anything special you want?" Christine asked Mike.

"I want Hannah's fruit salad but I seriously doubt she would make it." Mike told her quietly.

"I'll make it happen. Juan told me he would help out too. I am kind of hoping that Hannah will at least enjoy having a chef in the kitchen, maybe she'll learn something." Christine said as she started wiping Mikey's face. He had really enjoyed the Baked Alaska.

"Mommy, I need to go to the bathroom before we leave." Mikey told her as he was wiggling away. Mike nodded at her and held his hand out to take the little boy to the bathroom. As they walked away, Christine led out a huge sigh. Between Hannah and Mike; she was exhausted.

"Mom, Hannah told me last night that she isn't sure Dad can forgive her for everything she's said. I told her to stop constantly insulting him. I think it's getting better. Dad, telling her that he still loves her, I think is helping. She has slowed down on the insults. Dad needs to just be persistent." Courtney said it with such wisdom that Christine had to smile. She reached across the table and tucked the hair behind Courtney's ear.

"Keep working on her, Honey. Dad is pretty overwhelmed right now. This has really hurt him but he still loves Hannah. He loves all of you kids the exact same amount but he and Hannah have always had a special relationship. He's scared that he's lost that. I think that's why he's clinging to you kids so much. Let him." Christine told Courtney.

"I think deep down, because of what happened to her; Hannah doesn't think she is worth anyone's love. She's upset at Dad because of that other situation but I think it's more that she because she doesn't feel she is worth it; she is making herself unlovable. I don't know if that makes any sense. It does in my head but I can't make it sound right." Courtney was definitely troubled, trying to say what she was thinking. It did make sense.

"I get it. Kind of like, Dad and I love you kids unconditionally but she is trying to put conditions on that love by being a brat?" Christine asked Courtney; thankfully Sarah Elizabeth was concentrating on the Baked Alaska and wasn't paying attention to them.

"Yeah! She thinks her attack has made her this horrible person that no one can possibly love so she is trying to make it to where Dad doesn't. I would guess that she is going to do the same with you. I was a little upset when Dad told me about that other person but I think I had to understand how sad Dad was before. I had to think of how hard it had to have been for him. My question is weird one and it doesn't really matter but what would you have done if that little one was born?" Courtney asked Christine. She was being careful in how she talked because she didn't want Sarah Elizabeth to pick anything up.

"I honestly don't know. It would have defended on the mom. I wouldn't want her constantly in his life but on the other hand, I know the type of father he is and he would have wanted to have been in the child's life. I wouldn't have withheld that from him. But the mom was slightly selfish; she may not have wanted to have been a part of her child's life. If she didn't and had handed the child to the father; I would have…I honestly don't know. I would like to say I would raise the child no differently than I have my own but I don't know. Course, all this is hypothetical." Christine was a little ashamed of herself for even saying it but Courtney deserved an honest answer. Thankfully, Christine would never have to face that decision, which also made her ashamed. She was honestly glad that Helena had killed herself.

"Thankfully. And I feel like that makes me a horrible person. I am glad we won't have to cross that bridge." Courtney said sadly. Christine was watching for Mike and nodded at her.

"Me too. We need to just remember, he's lost someone he cared about and he is grieving for that baby. He is also scared that he's lost his relationship with Hannah and he's grieving that. In some ways, he is grieving for your sister. It's overwhelming." Christine told Courtney and then pointed towards the bathroom. Mike and Mikey were walking towards them and Christine wanted to drop the conversation. She didn't want to make Mike sadder. Courtney nodded in understanding. Mike sat down but instead of taking his own seat, Mikey sat on Mike's lap. Christine smiled at the two of them. If the truth were known, the only reason Mike was hanging on was because of Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth.

"You girls ready to go home?" Mike asked them. He looked tired and the waitress had brought the to go box with Hannah's cherry chocolate cheesecake.

"Yeah, we are ready. Sarah Elizabeth, maybe we'll come back here for your birthday and you can have another dessert like that again? You're eating the crumbs, sweetie." Christine gently told the little girl, and Sarah Elizabeth dropped her spoon dramatically and gave them a huge sigh. She was full.

Mike paid the bill while Christine got the kids out to the truck. She could feel the sense of dread that Mike was emanating. He was dreading seeing his own daughter and that broke Christine's heart. Courtney had given her some very valuable information where Hannah was concerned but Christine wasn't even sure how to approach it.

When they got home; Hannah was sleeping on the couch. Russ and Andrea reported that she had slept almost the entire time and had said nothing out of character. Mike and Christine went upstairs to change and get the twins out of their dress clothes. Christine had decided to have a serious talk with Hannah before she told Mike that she suspected Hannah was angrier over the fact that Mike had saved her life after her attack. Either way; Mike was devastated but it would give Christine a way to help Hannah.

The twins talked Mike into going swimming and Courtney volunteered to help him. Christine could hear them laughing from in the backyard and normally she would go out with them but Hannah was rousing and Christine wanted to take the opportunity to talk to her. Hannah finally sit up but was holding her stomach and looking outside, almost sadly.

"Hey, sweetie. How are you feeling?" Christine asked Hannah as she sat down next to her on the couch. She handed her the to go box of the cherry cheesecake and a fork. As soon as Hannah opened it, she gave a slight smile.

"Sore. You guys got me a piece of cheesecake?" Hannah asked as she ate the first bite and then closed her eyes in pleasure.

"Your dad did. He wanted you to have something since we took Court out. He knows how much you love cherry pie but they didn't have pie so he opted for cheesecake. I hope it's good?" Christine asked her and Hannah gave her an odd look but then continued to eat the cheesecake.

"Yeah but why would he get me anything?" Hannah had an incredibly sad look on her face. It made Christine wish she could read her thoughts.

"Because he is your dad and he loves you. He wanted you to have something you enjoy. Do you not think you deserve it?" Christine was by no means a psychiatrist but she knew her daughter and there was something not clicking.

"No. I don't deserve anything." Hannah told Christine as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. It was heartbreaking. Hannah had always had self- confidence issues due to her learning disability and her appearance. She was what Christine's mom had called homely. She was short but she had Mike's bigger frame, which made her slightly overweight for her height. Mike and Christine had always thought she was adorable but most people wouldn't.

"Hannah, you are the most selfless person in the world. I am your mom and granted, I am biased, but I love your personality, as does your dad. I know you are angry at him because of Helena but I keep thinking this is more deep rooted than that. Is it because he has been gone so much, missed so much?" Christine knew the real answer lay with Hannah's attack but she felt she needed to lay some groundwork.

"No. I know that is part of him being in the Navy and what he did is really important. He saved a lot of lives and I'm proud of that." Hannah seemed pretty emphatic in what she was saying so Christine crossed that off the list.

"Did he do something else to upset you? He is getting to know you girls again and just bonding with the twins. It would be easy to have a misunderstanding." Christine was still laying groundwork and Hannah was getting frustrated.

"No. No misunderstanding." Hannah told her rather strongly.

"Hannah, I am not the detective your dad is. I want to get to the bottom of this because as long as you have this anger all pent up, things won't be right. Your dad is completely heartbroken right now. Partly because of Helena and especially that baby but more because of his other baby." Christine had intentionally left it open to where Hannah would question it.

"Other baby? What other baby? Has Dad been that busy?" Hannah asked her suspiciously.

"No. You. You're one of his other babies." Christine told her.

"Oh. I'm fifteen though. Not a baby." Hannah said as she stood up to throw the box from the finished cheesecake.

"Oh, sweetheart. You will be in your sixties and still be our baby. That won't change. Someday, when you have a baby of your own, you'll understand it." Christine told her.

"Yeah, right. Not like I would have a baby of my own, especially now. And it's Dad's fault. If he would have just let me die, I wouldn't have to be like this. I feel…dirty, all the time. And Dad just had to be the hero and save the day. Now, I have to live with this nightmare, every time I close my eyes, every time I stand up and my stomach hurts, every time I can't feed myself with my left hand because it got broke, every time I look in a mirror and see the scar on my neck or the bruises. Why couldn't he just let me lie on that floor and let me die?" Hannah said it as she was pacing around like a caged animal and Christine stood up and put both hands on her shoulders. She didn't have any words of wisdom to fix it because the problem was much bigger than Helena or Mike's unborn child dying.

"Sweetie, your dad and you have always had an amazing relationship. He doesn't play favorites but if someone held a gun to his head and asked him who his favorite kid is; he would have to say you. He gets you, understands you. A lot better than I ever have. He had already lost one child at that point; losing you was not an option. If it had been Court or Sarah Elizabeth lying there, like you were, he would have done the same thing. I get that you don't feel good right now so I am going to ask this, has this been festering since your attack and me telling you about Helena and that baby is what brought it to the surface?" Christine had to ask Hannah because it would help her help Mike.

"I guess. He was trying so hard but it just kept getting worse and you telling me about her and that baby just gave me a reason to be mad. I don't deserve anyone's love but I knew unless I was just a horrible person; no one would love me." Hannah said it as she finally sit back down next to Christine.

"How was that working?" Christine didn't mean to be funny in asking Hannah but she wanted Hannah's answer.

"Not well. He's stubborn." Hannah said quietly.

"Hannah, I will be honest. I have no idea what to do with this. Your dad saved you because he wanted to see you grow up, because he and I couldn't lose you, because we love you. Probably a thousand different reasons. I've never been raped so I have no idea what you are going through. I know things seem bleak now but some day; you will meet someone who will make you feel like the most beautiful person alive. Your dad is my person but yours is out there. What happened to you won't matter. I can't make this better; but I can tell you, no matter how you act, how horrible you are to your dad, he is not going to regret saving you. I know that Helena and that baby do play into this too but what your dad did that night to keep you with us is more important. I do have another question and I need an honest answer." Christine was absolutely dreading her next question but it had to be asked.

"What?" Hannah asked her. Christine could tell she was wrung out emotionally.

"Honey, do you feel like you might harm yourself in some way?" Christine felt horribly even asking.

"I…I don't think so. You mean like suicide or something? I feel dirty and I wish I hadn't lived that night but I don't think I could hurt myself like that. I would be afraid that one of the twins would find me. That's why I wouldn't do that. Plus, my arm." Hannah told her quietly as she looked out the window at the twins playing in the pool.

"There are a lot of other ways. Helena took an entire bottle of sleeping pills, for instance." Christine hated pressing but she needed a better picture.

"Still wouldn't want the twins to find me even if I did something like that, plus, I couldn't get the bottle open. I am not going to kill myself, Mom. I just wish Dad hadn't done what he did that night. I am not worth saving." Hannah said it with such confidence that Christine's heart was completely broken.

"Why do you think that? Is it just because of the rape?" Christine asked Hannah as she pulled her to where Hannah was laying her head on her chest.

"No, before even that. I won't ever be smart like Courtney or cute like the twins. I can't read good or anything. I am just no good. And now, definitely not." Hannah said sadly.

"Honey, when we had you, we promised ourselves and God that we would love you no matter what. It's the same promise we made when the other kids were born. Yes, you've had issues but you have qualities too, qualities we love about you, qualities that make you unique. We love your heart. The way you've helped. We love you the way you are with the twins. No, you may not be the valedictorian like your sister, but she isn't the artist or cook that you are. She doesn't have your heart. You have had a rough go. No doubt. Severe colic as a baby, asthma, and dyslexia. Now, you have been brutally attacked. No one deserves all this unfairness, no one. But, you get to choose how you deal with it. What you're doing right now, hurting your dad like you are; you are giving into it. Rise above it and you will be doing what you've done your whole life. You are giving those gang bangers more power than they deserve to have. They hurt you, did unspeakable things to you. But you are doing the same thing to this family, and sweetheart, it's not you. You help people, you don't hurt them." Christine had no other words of wisdom.

"I'm still mad at him for saving me and hurting you." Hannah said as she slowly sit up.

"Yeah, he hurt me. And he knows that he did. Sweetie, your dad is completely devoted to me. I am not worried. Maybe I was a bit before Helena killed herself but not now. He was not happy with her. This maybe too much information for you and if it is, I am sorry but your dad is the only man I've ever been with. We met when he was a toddler and I was a baby. Kissed the first time in third and fourth grade, I was thirteen and he was fourteen when we started dating. We married when I was eighteen and he was nineteen. You know all this. What you don't know is that while his relationship with Helena hurt me, I think it actually hurt him worse. He is going to question himself for the rest of his life, question the type of man he is, the type of husband he is. The one thing that has always come completely naturally to him, being a dad, he doubts. He already blames himself for Lucas dying. Now this baby. He is always going to wonder what if. Did you know; that baby was a girl? The medical examiner is certain of it. So, in the course of a week, he has lost a baby girl he never got a chance to hold, know or love. And because of how you are acting; he thinks he has lost you. His other baby girl. The one he has known, held, and loved. Did you also know, every night before bed, he has looked through your baby book? Sure, he has cried. Maybe a bit for Helena and that baby but mostly because of you. Now, you have the best heart of anyone I know. I get you are mad and upset because of what your dad did that night to save your life and because of Helena, but what you are doing? It's destroying him. I don't mean to guilt trip you but I think you need to think about your actions. It doesn't just affect you and your dad because he is eventually going to lose confidence with the other kids. He isn't just your dad but he is also Courtney's dad, Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth's dad. They barely know him but they deserve the best your dad has to offer and this isn't it. Now, what are you going to do about it?" Christine was using her 'mom voice' and she knew she was getting through to Hannah. She was watching past Christine, where Mike and the twins were playing in the pool. Christine made a judgement call and pulled Hannah back to her, and Hannah laid her head back on Christine's chest. Christine could feel the tears soaking through her shirt and could hear the gut wrenching sobs. She just hoped that Hannah could move past the anger because it was not only destroying her but their entire family.


	21. Chapter 21

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 21

Mike sat down at the end of his and Christine's bed to look at Hannah's baby book. Things had changed but he just wasn't sure why. Hannah still wouldn't speak to him but she would at least stay in the same room with him and hadn't insulted him further. He could tell Christine had something on her mind but was waiting on the kids to go to bed to tell him. She came in and sat down next to him and took the baby book out of his hands.

"Mike, I talked at length to Hannah." Christine told him quietly as she picked at her nightgown.

"I figured you had. She seemed a little different. I could at least be in the same room with her. I guess that's a gain." Mike said sadly as he put his arm around her.

"I noticed that too. Mike, it isn't so much about Helena. It's worse." Christine wasn't sure how to tell Mike that their daughter wished that she hadn't survived.

"How so?" Mike asked her.

"She is angry about Helena but it was just an excuse. She is really upset about you saving her life the night she was attacked. She said because of what you did; she has to live through the constant reminder of that assault. She wished she had died. Doesn't think she is any good. Some of it goes back to the old self confidence issues she's always had. She doesn't feel that she should be loved. Doesn't feel worthy. I did ask her, point blank, if she was suicidal. She has thought about it. She knew she couldn't get the pill bottle open because of her hand and she doesn't want the twins to find her. She says no but she has obviously has thought it. I just don't really know where to go from here. It's all on the table though. I do have a good idea but it might take some money." Christine said as she reached over and squeezed Mike's hand.

"God, that is worse. So, what do you want to do?" Mike asked her. She could tell he was desperate for anything.

"I want to take her shopping. Get her some clothes, hair done. I want her to feel better about herself. It's only appearance but if she feels better on the outside, it might help on the inside. Aside from the money, I need you to make a point to tell her how beautiful she is. I can tell her that all day long, but it might mean more coming from a man. Course, she could also take it that you are biased because you're her dad. If you are okay with this and willing to spend the money, I am going to get Court to help and maybe Andrea. I know that it isn't really her thing but she likes Andrea. I think I like the idea of her being around strong women who are self-confident. Andrea, Sasha, Kara? What do you think?" Christine asked Mike. He was looking at Hannah's baby book and thinking.

"I think it's a good idea. Spare no expense. When do you want to do this? Its seems better to do it sooner rather than later." Mike stated as he rubbed his face with his hand.

"I need to see when they are available. I would prefer to do it tomorrow. Skip church if need be. If, of course, they are willing to help. So, you okay?" Christine asked Mike. She knew he really wasn't but it needed to be done.

"I don't know. I obviously couldn't let her lie there and die. Wouldn't be able to do that if it was any of my kids. When I thought this was just about Helena and my baby, I had hoped that she would eventually move past it. Understand it. This, I don't know, if it can be fixed." Mike stated firmly.

"I think that she is seeing the way that she has treated you as wrong. And I think that her being mad at you for saving her life has more to do with the self-confidence issues. She did tell me she wasn't going to kill herself; she just wishes you had let her die. Let me work on her and keep doing what you've been doing. The façade is cracking and as hard as it is; just be patient. Tomorrow maybe pretty expensive though. I really want to spoil her." Christine told Mike as she stood up to get ready for bed.

"I'll send Andrea, Kara and Sasha a text to see if they can go. I'm sure they will. Don't worry about the money. Just do whatever you think." Mike told her as he picked the baby book back up and flipped it open.

"Mike, it's going to get better. She sobbed in my arms for over an hour. That's the crack. She acted better towards you. I really think she is getting better." Christine turned around and tried to assure Mike. She could only pray that her plan would work.

 **The Next Morning**

Mike texted the three women and explained the situation to them, which was painful for him. He was not proud of that fact that his own daughter wished she had died. All three woman immediately texted him back that they would be happy to help her. Christine had also recruited Courtney who seemed thrilled to help Hannah. The only one who was clueless was Hannah.

She did have a little bit better of an attitude towards Mike. It wasn't perfect but it was a little warmer. She even cracked a smile when Mike was teasing Courtney about something. At nine, the three women showed up and Hannah seemed even more confused. She had gathered that she was being taken somewhere but wasn't sure where.

"Sweetie, we are going to go get your hair done and get you some new stuff. You need it anyway. No arguments go get your shoes. I can tie them if you need me to." Christine told Hannah, still using her 'mom voice.' Thankfully, Hannah didn't argue and made her way up the stairs. She didn't seem to be in a lot of pain and was back downstairs with her Converses within five minutes. One of the things that Hannah just couldn't do with her right hand was tying her shoes. Christine had made it a game for the twins to learn but they were eating their breakfast so Mike ended up tying them since Christine was getting ready. When he stood back up, he was completely shocked when Hannah pulled him into a hug.

"Is this your idea?" Hannah asked him as she pulled away.

"No, Mom's. I am just picking up the tab. Enjoy yourself. You deserve it." Mike told her quietly. She just nodded at him. The twins had called him over to the table and Courtney winked at him. He knew that between Christine and Courtney; Hannah would have a good day.

They all packed up in the Tahoe and headed to the mall. Christine had already called ahead to get Hannah a hair appointment. The conversation was light and happy. Andrea seemed to be leading the conversation with Hannah, discussing what she wanted to do with her hair.

Christine had spoken with the stylist, Tessa, and explained the situation. She was working with a makeup artist to give Hannah a full makeover. Christine had been cutting her daughter's hair for years. There was no certain style. Hannah looked at a couple magazines and found a cute, shoulder length bob. She had dark brown hair naturally that was straight as a pin. Tessa was going to put blonde and red highlights in. While they were doing in her hair, Courtney, Kara and Sasha slipped away to find the clothing stores that would cater to Hannah. Tessa and the makeup artist, Gwen was purposely making over Hannah's hair and complexion.

"Such a beautiful girl really doesn't need make-up. I am going to go for a natural look. You don't need fancy eyeshadows and such." Gwen told Hannah as she put on a very neutral eyeshadow. Tessa had waxed Hannah's eyebrows.

"What gloss are you going to use? Hannah has such a pretty smile. It should draw attention to her smile; not detract." Tessa asked as she looked over the glosses. Christine could tell the two women were trying to build Hannah up and she appreciated it. Hannah was glowing.

"I think one of those soft pinks." Gwen told her as she applied some eyeliner.

"Do you have something for this scar?" Hannah asked Gwen.

"Honestly, sweetie; it would be better not to. It's so new that the concealer will get into the wound and you can get an infection. But, it's barely noticeable. I didn't notice until you pointed it out." Gwen told her gently.

"Besides, the way I styled your hair, it covers it. You might put some Vitamin E oil on it. It'll fade quickly. I have a scar on my throat from a surgery and I think I notice it more than anyone." Tessa told Hannah.

"What do you tell people when they ask? I don't want to tell people what happened to me." Hannah asked. Christine and Andrea exchanged a look.

"You don't have to tell them anything. It's no one's business. The people who care won't ask." Tessa told her firmly and Hannah nodded at her.

"I suppose." Hannah gave them a slight smile.

"All done. What a beautiful girl. Your dad is going to be a busy guy keeping the boys away." Tessa told her very purposely as she turned the chair around so Hannah could see herself in the mirror. She did look absolutely beautiful and had a broad smile. Gwen had bagged up the makeup that she had used on Hannah for Christine to take with her.

"I doubt that but thank you." Hannah told Tessa and Gwen. She seemed lighter and happier. Christine quickly snapped a picture and sent it to Mike. Within a minute; she received a text back.

 _"She is beautiful. I still think someone switched her at birth. No way I could have created someone like her. You, definitely." Christine smiled at Mike's text._

 _"She is a fighter. A trait she got from you. Had she not; I am not sure she would have survived that night. It was a combined effort. Now, clothes shopping after lunch." Christine pocketed her phone, grabbed the bag of makeup and thanked both women. Hannah had given them both hugs._

 _"Have fun and remember, spare no expense."_

Christine smiled at the text message and found the restaurant that Courtney, Kara and Sasha were waiting on them. They had ordered appetizers already and the conversation was light and happy. Sasha had told Hannah about the self-defense classes she helped teach and Hannah seemed genuinely excited about them.

"I'd like to take your class but…couldn't my dad teach me that same stuff?" Hannah asked Sasha and she and Christine exchanged a look.

"I am sure your dad would be happy to teach you but with what you need to learn, it would mean he would need to touch you. I realize it's your dad and you trust him but it might scare you. The flip side of that is that you need to learn against a man's strength. I can't teach that. It's entirely up to you." Sasha had explained it simply.

"I see. I just don't want to cost too much money. I really do want to take the class though. I can't right now, though." Hannah told them as she bit into an onion ring.

"The doctor said you would be in the removable cast in a month or so. Just have to get your stomach and chest healed up. Dad said that is going to take a while longer. Muscles have to go back together." Christine told her. The healing process was frustrating.

"It hurts a lot. Not so much today though." Hannah told them just as their food showed up. Hannah had ordered a pasta dish that wouldn't have to be cut up for her.

"Well; we have some clothes shopping to do. We do need to get you a dress for the vow renewal next week, plus some other stuff. Anything in particular you want?" Christine asked Hannah.

"Can I see what they have?" Hannah asked her quietly.

"You bet. Dad says that we get you whatever you want." Christine told her firmly.

"Hannah, we did some looking around and I found a dress that would look great on you. It's knee length so Dad will approve. It's kind of a mauve color so it will be really pretty with your hair and everything. They do have other colors; one is a kind of a smoky blue that would also be really pretty on you. "Courtney told Hannah and Sasha nodded in agreement.

"It's a store that caters to teenage girls but has very modest clothing. I am going to take Ashley before college and they do have all sizes. Super cute stuff. I think you actually find a lot there that you like. Tell me, what kind of stuff do you like?" Sasha asked Hannah.

"I like…comfortable stuff. I am going to be homeschooled so I don't need a lot of fancy clothes. I'm fine with jeans and t-shirts. I do need new jeans, mine were getting too short. I also need some shorts." Hannah said quietly.

"Oh, Hannah, they have these shorts, they're called Bermuda shorts. They go to just above the knees. Have all different colors, denim and khaki. You've always hated how short shorts are because you think your legs are so fat. They aren't but those shorts would be perfect." Courtney told them all excitedly. Christine could tell that Courtney was getting really excited about her sister's new wardrobe.

"Those sound nice. I do like shirts that are kind of feminine and pretty. I also need new sandals, Mom. My feet have grown." Hannah told Christine. It was almost like she was ashamed of the fact that she had grown.

"No problem. I figured you would need new shoes too. Figured we'd get the clothes first and then see about shoes and sandals. Those shorts sound Dad approved too. He about had a fit when Courtney walked out in her gym shorts yesterday." Christine said it with a wink to Courtney, telling her to go along with it.

"Yeah, he wasn't happy at all. I won't be wearing those again." Courtney told Hannah and Hannah even cracked a bit of a smile.

"Sounds like Tom. He is really particular about what the girls wear. Thankfully, Anna is still young enough it isn't a big deal. Ashley is another story altogether." Sasha told them with a smile.

"I worry about Danny if we have a girl." Kara told them with a smile. Christine raised an eyebrow at her and Kara nodded. "We didn't want to say anything with what was going on. I am about ten weeks along."

"Congratulations. We're happy for you. I know Mike will be too. Danny will be different if it is a girl. Mike loves Mikey and he loved Lucas but he is different with the girls. No sweeter love." Christine told Kara quietly. Hannah was listening but not saying much of anything.

"Tom's the same way. He loves Sam and Jed but he is completely different with Ashley and Anna." Sasha threw in as she pushed her plate away. Hannah had also finished eating and everyone else was picking.

"Dad is like that with Court and Sarah Elizabeth but probably won't be like that with me anymore. I really hurt him." Hannah told them quietly. Both Sasha and Kara looked at Christine to lead.

"Honey, your dad loves you and he wants you to feel better about yourself. You have some healing to do and he knows it. Just stop hurting him and start healing." Christine told her firmly and Hannah nodded at her. "If we are all done, let's start shopping?"

Christine paid the bill and they all headed to the store that Courtney had been talking about. It was actually more geared towards plus sizes but did have regular sizes as well. While the three older woman and Courtney were showing some of the clothes to Hannah; Christine found the worker to explain what they were doing.

"Hi, my name is Christine. I am here with my daughters and some friends. My younger daughter, Hannah was raped and assaulted a couple weeks ago and is having some issues as a result. More or less, she wishes she hadn't survived. I am hoping by getting her some new clothes and such, we might help her self-esteem. I basically need access to a fitting room where I can help her. Also, any assistance you can give would be wonderful." Christine told the girl about Courtney's age. The girl seemed slightly annoyed but her manager had heard Christine talking and jumped in.

"I will help you. Syd, you handle the cash register and the other customers. I will help these ladies. Ma'am, my name is Angel." Angel told Christine as she led her to where Hannah was. "Listen, before we get over there, I understand kind of where your daughter is coming from. I was raped, years ago. What she is going through, it's normal. I don't imagine there are many counselors now though are there?"

"No. She spoke to one at the hospital and seemed okay then but now, she is really angry at her father. He is the one that found her and saved her life. She is mad because he saved her. She says she isn't suicidal but I want to head that off at the pass if I can." Christine told the woman as they watched Hannah from a distance.

"She is ashamed of herself. Hates that her dad seen her when she was so vulnerable. It's normal. I may try and talk to her one on one, if that is okay?" Angel asked her and Christine immediately nodded at her.

"She has always had issues. Her sister is smart and beautiful but Hannah is dyslexic and not as outwardly beautiful. She has always had the most amazing heart though, until she got so angry at Mike. The rape really did a number on her." Christine told her.

"Well, she seems like a beautiful girl. My dad had a lot of problems after I was raped too. It's a hard pill to swallow." Angel said as they walked towards Hannah.

"Hey, Mom. What about this one for your vow renewal?" Hannah asked her as she held up a knee length dress that was a creamy color with a floral pattern. It was loose and flowy looking and seemed to just speak Hannah.

"That is a beautiful dress. Let's try it on. Courtney, can you find some stuff your sister might like?" Christine asked as she, Andrea and Hannah followed Angel into the fitting rooms. Thankfully the store wasn't busy and the fitting rooms were empty. Christine went in with Hannah to help her into the dress. It was absolutely perfect on her. They stepped out where Angel and Andrea were waiting with a growing stack of shorts, jeans and shirts.

"What a beautiful girl!" Andrea said as Christine snapped a picture of Hannah and sent it to Mike. Hannah was looking through the clothes that Courtney was picking out. She did sit a couple shirts out that she didn't like but grabbed several more that she did like. It gave Christine a good idea what Hannah wanted, pretty and feminine. The ones she didn't like were what Courtney would normally like. Kind of sporty and not as modest. Andrea stepped out and told Courtney what to look for and Christine's phone dinged with Mike's response.

 _"That's my girl. She's smiling. She looks beautiful."_

Christine went back in to the fitting room with Hannah and found five pairs of jeans that Hannah liked, along with the same amount of the Bermuda shorts in varying colors. They fit her perfectly and Hannah seemed more comfortable in them than she did with regular shorts. The tops that Courtney passed over the door were much more in keeping with Hannah's taste and Hannah was completely happy. A few were sheer but Courtney has passed over some camisoles so Mike wouldn't stroke out. They had also found her a few pairs of ballet type shoes that Hannah really liked. Hannah and Angel did seem to be having a quiet conversation so Christine and Andrea excused themselves to look for more clothes for Hannah.

Eight pairs of jeans, six pairs of shorts, two pairs of capris, too many shirts and blouses to count, camisoles, shoes, and costume type jewelry that Courtney seemed to think Hannah would like were all sitting on the counter. Christine was dreading telling Mike how much it all cost but she couldn't put any back, even the stuff that Hannah hadn't really picked out for herself but had made their way to counter. Angel and Hannah finally came out and for the first time in weeks, Hannah seemed almost bubbly. She handed Christine a piece of paper with a phone number written on it.

"It's my number. Without counselors, maybe some peer to peer support would help? If that's okay? She said she didn't have a cellphone. I think she needs someone who isn't a parent, sibling or a friend of the parents? She is afraid that she will hurt you all if she says something and it gets back. If you are okay with her talking to me; I will tell you if I believe you need to know." Angel told Christine quietly as they watched Courtney and Hannah looking through purses and wallets. Hannah picked one out that was a cross body style and Christine nodded at her and Courtney threw a matching wallet on the counter.

"That is fine. I will talk to my husband about getting her a cellphone so she can just talk to you. Here's my number." Christine wrote down her own number on a piece of paper and handed it to Angel. "Now, I get to give my husband a heart attack when he sees this receipt."

"Oh, about that. I am giving you all my employee discount. I can do that." Angel told her as she handed the cashier a card to run through before she started running things through the register.

"You don't have to do that. It's a lot of stuff." Christine told her quietly.

"I want to. Hannah is a special girl. It's only forty percent off but it will help." Angel told her as she went around to help start bagging everything up. Christine was overwhelmed with the kindness. The bill would have been several hundred dollars but was reduced in half when they added the employee discount and a coupon for ten percent off. It made Christine feel better and Hannah was absolutely glowing, more because of her and Angel's talk. Angel was about Christine's age and she knew that Angel would tell her if Hannah said something out of character. For the first time in weeks, Christine was seeing a light at the end of a tunnel.

They went to a shoe store and found Hannah several pairs of shoes, including a pair slip ons so she wouldn't need help putting them on. Christine did look over at one point, when Hannah was trying to try a pair on and Courtney had knelt down in front of her to help. Both girls were smiling at each other and Christine snapped a picture and sent it to Mike.

 _"I love those smiles."_

 _"We are headed home pretty soon. You would have had a heart attack but Hannah had the manager give her the employee discount at the clothing store and then ten percent off. It wasn't quite so steep then. Plus the manager and she talked at length. She had been raped and Hannah made a friend. I have her number. We do need to get Hannah a cellphone." Christine tapped the text out as she watched her daughters._

 _"No problem at all. Anything is worth seeing that smile again."_

Christine smiled at the text and put it back in her purse. Hannah was done picking out shoes and voiced wanting to go home. She seemed to be losing energy. Christine paid for the shoes and they made their way to the Tahoe. The backend was filled with shopping bags and boxes. Hannah had gotten into the front passenger seat and was holding her stomach. Christine got in next to her and handed her a water bottle and a pain pill.

"Mom, it isn't so bad. If I take that now, I will fall asleep. I don't want Dad to have to carry me in." Hannah told her quietly.

"Take it. I will have your dad ready. Neither of us wants you in pain." Christine told her firmly and thankfully Hannah took the pill and washed it down without further argument. She had simply gone too hard. Christine called Mike to tell him to be ready when they got home.

The drive home was fairly quiet, Hannah had fallen asleep and Courtney was quietly talking with Kara and Sasha. Andrea was older and Christine and she visited. As promised, Mike was waiting for them and very gently opened the passenger door. Hannah had woke up and tried to get out on her own, but Mike swooped in and picked her up. Thankfully, Hannah didn't stiffen up and leaned into Mike, making it easier for him. Tom and Sam were also there and had begun carrying in the shopping bags and boxes. Mike had carried Hannah upstairs with Christine following. He had already turned Hannah's bed down and very gently laid her down. Christine had to smile at how tender Mike was with Hannah. If he was angry at her, she would never know.

Sasha and Andrea were taking the clothes out of the bags and boxes. Kara had gone home already. Mike approved of all the clothes, thankfully but Christine could tell that he was more concerned with his sleeping daughter. Finally, everyone cleared out of the house and Mike ordered a couple pizzas so Christine wouldn't have to cook. She and Courtney had started Hannah's laundry which was a massive project. Mike kept the twins occupied and quiet and kept an eye on Hannah was blissfully asleep. At one point; Christine followed him upstairs and they stood at Hannah's door watching her sleep.

"Mike, she has a little ways to go, but she's getting there. Just be patient." Christine told him as she put her arms around him from behind.

"I know. She is absolutely beautiful like her mom." Mike said as they both turned away from Hannah's room and walked down the steps. Christine was exhausted from the long day of shopping but was also thrilled that her daughter was doing a bit better.


	22. Chapter 22

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 22

Hannah didn't hurl any further insults at Mike but things hadn't gotten any better aside from that. She didn't talk much to anyone other than the twins. Her pain level had gotten a bit better when her stitches were taken out but she still lacked a lot of energy. She and Angel talked extensively and that caused her to be a little bit more accepting of Mike. There was still an air of tension between them and Mike ached to hold Hannah again. She hadn't hugged him again but at least she would be in the same room with him.

She had gotten really excited about Juan helping with the food for the vow renewal. He had come over Tuesday to go over the menu and Hannah and him did a lot of discussing concerning it. The only thing that Christine had added to the conversation was that Mike had requested the fruit salad. Thankfully, Hannah had agreed to make it but did tell Christine she needed help cutting the fruit up.

On Tuesday, Christine took the older two girls and Sarah Elizabeth to get her own dress, Courtney and Sarah Elizabeth's outfits. Christine had picked out a creamy colored, ankle length, sleeveless dress. Hannah and Courtney had taken Sarah Elizabeth to the bathroom and Christine discreetly also got some lingerie that was only for Mike to see. She knew he didn't care about that stuff but she wanted their "honeymoon" to be a good one.

Hannah had come back and was looking at the two bags in Christine's hand, one was the dress and the other was the other items. She was helping Christine pick out shoes while they waited on Courtney and Sarah Elizabeth and Christine could tell something was on Hannah's mind.

"Sweetie, what's going on? Are you hurting?" Christine asked Hannah as she pulled her down to the bench with her.

"No. I feel okay. I feel better since they took the stitches out yesterday." Hannah told her but then turned away. Christine had seen the tears in her eyes and was really curious.

"Then what is going on?" Christine asked her and squeezed her hand.

"Courtney and Sarah Elizabeth are picking out Father's Day gifts for Dad." Hannah told her quietly.

"And you don't want to because you are still mad at him?" Christine asked her.

"No, it isn't that at all. I do. I just…I was so hateful to him. There is absolutely no way he could love me. I still don't think I am worth it but even if I was, he shouldn't because of how I was. I wanted to get him a really nice gift but I don't have any money and I can't make him anything because of my wrist. He probably wouldn't want anything I could give him anyway." Hannah told her quietly. It was heartbreaking and Christine knew that Mike didn't feel that way.

"Sweetheart, your dad loves you more than life itself. That won't ever change. Don't try and put conditions on it because he doesn't. Now; I have an idea. I am going to go to that stationary store and buy some really nice paper. Father's Day is Sunday and we will be back by lunch. Why don't you write your dad a nice note? That will mean more to him than anything that you could buy or make." Christine asked her.

"Okay but…" Hannah started to argue but Christine gave her the 'mom look.' It shut her down pretty immediately. Christine grabbed both bags and she and Hannah walked into the stationary store, where Hannah picked out a very light blue paper to write on. Courtney and Sarah Elizabeth had picked out a nice silver picture frame that Christine would put a family picture in for Mike's office.

The drive home was quiet and Mike was playing in the pool with Mikey. Christine put her purchases away and gave Hannah the paper which she took to her bedroom. Courtney was out with Mike, Sarah Elizabeth and Mikey. Christine started supper but heard the doorbell rang. She walked to the door, wondering who it would be, and opened the door to Detective Sams.

"Detective, this is a bit of a surprise." Christine told her as she let the woman in the front door. They hadn't heard much on the investigation although Mike had checked pretty regularly.

"We've made a few arrests. We need Hannah to come to the station to identify them. I realize it will be traumatizing for her but with a good identification, she may not need to testify. Plus, if your husband saw them…that will help." Detective Sams asked her and Christine took a deep breath. Hannah was doing a bit better and it would be reopening a wound. She could say no and no one would be any wiser. Just then she heard Mikey scream loudly and Mike yelling. Both women walked to the back door to see Mike picking up the sobbing little boy. Christine immediately opened the door for her husband and son.

"What happened?" Christine asked as she tried to sooth the little boy. He had a very obviously broken right arm.

"He slipped on the wet pavement. Tried to catch himself and turned that wrist. We need to get him to the hospital…Detective Sams?" Mike looked completely confused but was distracted by the sobbing little boy in his arms.

"Mike, Hannah needs to go to the station to identify some of the suspects and you need to go with her since you saw them. I'll take Mikey to the hospital. Court, will you be okay with Sarah Elizabeth?" Christine asked the young girl who immediately nodded at her. Mike was fairly rattled and Christine took charge, deciding to call Andrea to see if she would go with Mike. If she couldn't, maybe Angel would be available. Christine made her way back into the house and called Andrea, who unfortunately was working late. Angel answered on the second ring and agreed to meet Mike and Hannah at the station. Mike had very gently got Mikey changed into dry clothes and changed his own while Christine and Detective Sams went upstairs to talk to Hannah who had been writing the note and listening to music on her headphones, completely oblivious to everything. Detective Sams gently told Hannah what she would have to do and then left to go back to the station while Christine helped Hannah get her shoes on.

"Honey, I know you're scared but you know Dad won't let you get hurt and Angel will be there. Detective Sams too. I wish I could be but Mikey needs to go to the hospital. He said he wants a matching cast to yours." Christine told Hannah as she tied her tennis shoes.

"Will they see me? I don't want them to see me or Dad." Hannah seemed so scared and Christine sat back down on the edge of the bed and wrapped her arms around her, rocking her. It was odd that Hannah was being protective towards Mike but it did make some sense. Mike breezed in and had apparently heard the comment.

"Hannah, you'll be safe, I promise. They won't see you because you'll be behind a special glass. You can see them but they can't see you. We'd better go. Christine, Mikey is ready to go and I ordered Court and Sarah Elizabeth a pizza and left her money. Call me when you know something on his arm?" Mike asked her as he bent over and kissed Christine who still had her arms around Hannah.

"I will. Honey, remember what I told you. Dad will keep you safe. You are a fighter and will be just fine." Christine could feel Hannah shaking and knew she was terrified. Christine kissed the side of her head and made eye contact with Mike. He nodded at her. She knew Mike would keep their daughter completely safe. Hannah took a deep breath and stood up. Both Mike and Christine had to smile at their daughter. She was rising above being scared.

Mike carried Mikey to the Tahoe for Christine while she helped Hannah get settled in Mike's truck. She could tell how pensive Hannah was but she had such an odd strength. It made Christine so proud of her. If she was scared, Christine wouldn't know it. Mike and Christine gave each other another kiss and parted ways.

Mike could tell that Hannah was trying to put on a strong front and he was proud of her. He didn't even try and make conversation on the way to the station. When he pulled in, there was a woman about his and Christine's age waiting on them. Hannah immediately gave her a hug and the woman smiled at Mike.

"My name is Angel. I work at the place that Hannah got her new clothes at. Hannah, you ready for this?" Angel shook Mike's hand but was concentrating on Hannah.

"Yeah, Angel, this is my dad, Mike Slattery. Let's get this over with." Hannah told them firmly and they followed her into the station. Detective Sams was waiting on Hannah and directed them into a small room. Mike was familiar with the procedure and watched as six men were lined up in the next room. Hannah was watching them through the one way glass and Mike could see her trembling but he could also see how strong she was. He put his hand in the middle of her back, simply because he wasn't sure what else to do. Angel also had an arm around her and Detective Sams was behind them.

"Hannah, take as much time as you need. Only tell us if you are sure. They can't see you and don't know that you are even here." Detective Sams told Hannah quietly.

"And they won't hurt my dad? I don't care what they do to me if they find out but I don't want them to hurt him." It was a strange comment and it broke Mike's heart but all he could do was reassure Hannah that he would be fine.

"I will be just fine." Mike wasn't sure what else to say but Angel made eye contact with him and nodded. Hannah stepped a little closer to the glass and looked for probably five minutes.

"Four held me done while the others raped me. Two is the one that cut my neck and six stabbed me. The others aren't here. Four is the only one that didn't rape me. Two and six did and then the other ones that aren't here. I don't recognize these other ones." Hannah told Detective Sams confidently.

"Name the ones you don't recognize." Detective Sams told her as gently.

"One, three and five. Did you get the others?" Hannah asked her.

"Yes but I can't put them in here all at once. You ready for the next group?" Detective Sams asked her. Mike had nodded at her already. He also recognized them.

"Yeah. I want to be done with this and go home." Hannah told them just as confidently.

"Alright. I'll step out for a second. Just relax." Detective Sams nodded at them and Hannah sat back down for a minute. Mike watched the six men walk out and the next six brought in. At this rate, Hannah would have to go through two more groups. Hannah stood back up and started looking at the six men. Detective Sams walked back in and waited for Hannah.

"Four and Six. Four is who told me if I kept fighting he would kill Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth. Six…held a knife to my private parts as he raped me. It hurt really bad." Hannah stated very simply. Mike had put his hand on her shoulder but she had drawn back. He immediately took his hand off. Detective Sams and Angel had both put a hand on Hannah's back and shoulder and Mike backed away.

"You are doing really, really good. Do you want to take a break before we bring in the next group?" Detective Sams asked her.

"No. I want this over with. I am thirsty though." Hannah told her and Mike jumped into action.

"I'll get you something. Hungry?" Mike asked her and Hannah shook her head at him. She only seemed to be concentrating on the task at hand. Mike stepped out with Detective Sams and she pointed him towards the vending machine. As he walked towards them, he noticed there seemed to be a lot of teenage girls with an obvious gang affiliation milling around. Mike watched them but knew it was an inner city station. It wasn't terribly unusual. He got Hannah a cola out of the vending machine and a bag of crackers. She hadn't eaten supper yet and must be hungry even if she didn't say anything. He checked his phone for an update from Christine who had texted him that Mikey's arm was broken but the doctor didn't think he needed surgery. Mike made his way back to the little room where Hannah and Angel were waiting with Detective Sams. He had opened the bag of crackers and pop can for Hannah but she was focused on the six men in the next room.

"One, three and four. I am sure of it. They just raped me; hit me a couple times too. Ribs. The leader, the one that held me down told them what they needed to do. They didn't seem to know what to they were supposed to do. Three…he whispered in my ear, said 'sorry' a couple different times. I don't think he wanted to do it but the leader told him he had to." Hannah had stood up straight and seemed completely confident.

"Hannah, I am going to have him come forward and whisper that. Maybe you'll recognize his voice?" Detective Sams asked her and Hannah nodded at her. The detective pushed the button and instructed three to step forward and whisper 'sorry' three times. As he did it; Hannah finally broke and Angel pulled her into a hug. Mike wished that he could but he didn't think it would help Hannah at all.

"It's him. I am a hundred percent sure." Hannah said through the sobs as Angel rocked her back and forth, much like Christine would have done. Hannah was crying into Angel's shoulder and Mike simply rubbed her shoulder but even that caused Hannah to retract slightly. Mike followed Detective Sams out into the hallway to give Hannah the time she needed.

"She did really well. I am going to put this in front of the Prosecutor. Try and make it to where she doesn't have to testify. You may need to though. I will be in contact. We do have a DNA link between them. Really, all Hannah needs to do is heal now. You recognized them?" Detective Sams told Mike and he nodded as Hannah and Angel walked out.

"I did. Hannah, I am going to run to the restroom and then we'll leave, okay?" Mike asked her and Hannah nodded. The tears were dried and she seemed strong again.

"I'll stay with her. Hannah, let's sit down here?" Angel directed her to the bench in the hallway and Hannah started munching on her crackers and drinking her soda. Detective Sams also sat down next to her while Mike made his way to the restroom. The teenage girls were still milling around but Mike knew Hannah would be okay with the detective and Angel.

Mike walked into the bathroom and did his business. As he was washing his hands, he heard someone walk in but figured it was just a police officer. He didn't even bother turning towards the sound until he felt an explosive pain on his right side, followed by more pain. He tried to fight back but it was like he had no strength. He felt himself being stabbed in the chest and stomach several times. He knew it was several young teenage girls and knew he should be able to fight back but he just couldn't. He could only hope that they would not get Hannah alone. They finally left him after throwing their knives in the sink. Mike tried to drag himself to the door but he couldn't. He faded into a dark oblivion.

"Hannah, did your dad fall in? He's been in there for fifteen minutes at least." Angel asked the young girl who had finished her crackers and was just people watching, waiting on her father.

"He doesn't normally take so long. Maybe he's talking to someone. Let's go find him." Hannah said it as she stood up. Detective Sams had returned to her desk to begin writing the reports. Angel followed her towards the restrooms. About three feet from the door, Angel noticed a bloody handprint on the wall. Apparently none of the officers had noticed it.

"Hannah, sit down here." Angel told the girl as she gently pushed her into a chair. She had a really bad feeling as she made her way into the men's bathroom. As soon as she turned the corner; she saw Mike's very still frame lying on the ground with a huge amount of blood surrounding him. Angel didn't want to scare Hannah and so as calmly as possible, she checked, Mike was still breathing but barely. She walked to Detective Sams' desk and whispered in her ear as to what was going on. Detective Sams immediately jumped into action and a couple officers walked into the bathroom. She heard an ambulance called for and tried to figure out what to tell Hannah. She finally sat down beside her and squeezed Hannah's hand.

"Did you find my dad? What's going' on? People are acting strange now." Hannah asked her, completely oblivious to the fact that her father was bleeding to death less than ten feet away.

"Honey, we aren't sure what is going on but your dad was hurt in the bathroom. He's been stabbed several times. In the chest and stomach. He's lost a lot of blood. It doesn't look good right now. They've called for paramedics." Angel told Hannah just as a paramedic and EMT ran by them. Hannah started to follow them into the bathroom but Angel held her down. "No. You don't need to see your dad like that. You need to give them room to work."

"But I need to tell him…I need to tell him…" Hannah broke down again and Angel pulled her into a hug. They could hear the EMT and paramedic working and Angel could only pray that Mike would be okay. Hannah would be destroyed if he wasn't.

Ten minutes later; the EMT walked past them briskly and then came back with a gurney. The gurney wouldn't fit in the bathroom and a group of police officers and the paramedic carried him into the hallway. His shirt was off and there were dressings but his chest and stomach was covered in wounds and bruising was started. Angel started to pull Hannah away so she couldn't see all the injuries but Hannah pulled away and walked towards the stretcher. The young girl bent over and whispered something in Mike's ear and kissed his cheek. The paramedic was not wasting any time at all and gently pushed Hannah away. Detective Sams caught Angel by the arm and pulled her to where Hannah couldn't hear.

"I called Mrs. Slattery and they are taking him to the hospital that she is at with their son. The paramedic is not optimistic at all. They think his aorta was somehow cut but they aren't sure. They do know that his lung is collapsed. We think it was a couple of the girlfriends. They couldn't get to Hannah and knew Mike was also a witness. I would follow them to hospital but we have a huge crime scene and a couple teenage girls to find. They did leave the knives in the sink though, covered in prints. I got Mike's keys out of his pocket and Mrs. Slattery said you could drive his truck. Could you take Hannah?" Detective Sams asked as she wiped the blood from her hands.

"Yes, of course. To the hospital or home?" Angel asked as she watched Hannah who was watching the paramedic and EMT roll the stretcher out.

"Hospital. The other two kids are being taken to the hospital. In case he doesn't make it; they need to say goodbye." Detective Sams told her quietly and Angel nodded at her. "I can't believe no one saw three to four teenage girls follow a man into the men's bathroom. They took him by surprise. I am sure he could have fought them off but they got the drop on him. He only regained consciousness for about thirty seconds, was asking about Hannah. I could only reassure him that she was okay."

"I'll get her there. She's shell shocked." Angel said as she walked the young girl to the exit. She could only pray that they would make it there in time.


	23. Chapter 23

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 23

Mike was in critical condition. The doctor was shocked he had made it through the surgery at all. He had a tear in his aorta, a punctured lung and a laceration on his liver. He had lost a significant amount of blood and in an odd turn of fate, it was Hannah that gave him the lifesaving blood donation, simply because she was at the hospital first. After the surgery, Mike was sedated so that his body could heal.

Tom had brought Courtney and Sarah Elizabeth. Mikey was in a lot of pain because of his arm and only knew that his daddy had been hurt badly. Tom ended up taking the twins and Courtney back home with him. It made Christine feel horribly because Mikey desperately wanted Christine to hold him. Hannah refused to go home and seemed completely devastated by Mike's condition. Christine sit down next to her on the couch and wrapped her arms around her, giving her a hug and rocking her gently. Angel had left hours before but Christine knew that she would be back to check the next day.

"It's all my fault, Mom. And if Daddy dies; he'll think I hate him. I didn't even let him touch me at the police station. He was just trying to help me and I pulled away." Hannah said it with tears in her voice and Christine shushed her.

"Sweetie, it isn't your fault and Daddy wouldn't want you to blame yourself. He texted me, before everything happened. Told me how good you were doing and how proud he was. Do you want to sleep here?" Christine asked her as she kissed Hannah's head.

"I want to sleep by him. Will the nurses get mad?" Hannah asked her quietly.

"Probably but I'll help you so you don't detach any of the wires. It might help him to feel you close." Christine told Hannah as they stood up. Most of Mike's injuries were on his right side and Christine helped Hannah lay down on his left side. She knew it caused Hannah some pain but Hannah didn't seem to care. Christine would have liked to lie down beside Mike but knew that it was more important to Hannah. Christine went around to his other side and sat down beside the bed, holding his hand. Hannah was crying softly into Mike's shoulder and Christine was trying not to imagine her life without Mike.

Even when she couldn't find him after the Red Flu hit; she knew he might still be out there somewhere. She clung to that hope and it was what got her through. He had only been back in her life for a few weeks but Christine knew she didn't want to not have him ever again. The doctors were not optimistic at all but Christine didn't have the heart to tell the kids that. She had told them to give their dad plenty of kisses and to tell him that they loved him not wanting to tell them; they were probably saying goodbye. Courtney might have suspected but she kept her composure for the most part.

Christine finally got so sleepy that she leaned her head against the bed and fell asleep. She had wanted to stay awake but she couldn't. Mike was holding steady and the nurse seemed pretty understanding; letting Christine and Hannah lay so close, even telling Christine that maybe why Mike was hanging on. Hannah had cried herself to sleep.

Mike had never been in so much physical pain and he felt a heavy weight on his left side. He only remembered his right side hurting at the police station and it didn't make any sense. There was also a weight on his right side, along with severe pain. He couldn't move either arm as he tried to wake up. It was scary. He then realized that he felt hair brushing his arms; which also didn't make any sense. As he opened his eyes; he looked down to his left and seen Hannah's dark brown hair with blonde and red highlights leaned into his shoulder. On his right; Christine was sleeping with her head resting on his right arm. He finally was able to raise his head up enough to kiss the top of Hannah's head. The movement was enough to wake Christine up. She sat up and gave him a dazzling smile. It was the same smile that she had given him after the births of the babies that Mike had been present for; and every other day of their relationship. She finally leaned up and Mike pulled her in and gave her a kiss. It turned into a longer passionate kiss that Mike finally broke when Hannah groaned painfully.

"How are you feeling?" Christine asked him as she shook Hannah awake.

"Sore but ready to go home. She wasn't hurt in anyway?" Mike asked Christine quietly.

"No, just scared. It's going to be a few days, Mike. You were stabbed four times. Lot of damage done." Christine told him firmly as she rubbed Hannah's shoulder. She was waking up but it sometimes took a bit.

"No. I have a promise to keep. I promised you we would renew our vows on Saturday. I want it as badly as you do. It's our anniversary." Mike argued back quietly.

"We will have plenty of anniversaries. You are stuck with me, remember?" Christine smiled at him and gave him another kiss.

"No one else I would rather be stuck with. I will be out of the hospital and home and we will renew our vows, period. I wanted you to have a special day. Hey, there's my girl." Mike said as he gave Hannah a huge smile. Hannah looked completely shocked but immediately threw her good arm around Mike's neck and gave him a massive hug. Christine could see the tears in both of their eyes and decided to give them a bit of privacy. She needed to get the nurse because she suspected that Mike was going to sign himself out against medical advice. Thankfully Mike's surgeon and nurse were there and agreed to access Mike.

Mike held Hannah as she cried into his shoulder. She wasn't talking; just crying. At least she was letting him hold her and he had gotten to give her several kisses. Christine, the nurse and surgeon all walked in and Hannah stood up to give them room to check him over. Christine wrapped her arms around her and kissed her.

"Admiral Slattery, when do you plan on going home?" The doctor asked Mike out of curiosity.

"Today is good. Seriously, I'll be fine." Mike told the surgeon in a very firm voice.

"Sir, there are chances of infection. We inflated your lung but there are a lot of areas of concern. Your aorta, for example. If you hadn't been in such good shape you would have…" The surgeon was arguing with Mike and seemed clueless it would do no good whatsoever.

"I won't run a 5k but I am going home. Just get this damn catheter out of my…" Mike was apparently not a fan of his catheter and Christine started chuckling and covered Hannah's ears. She didn't need to hear what her father said next.

"How about this, Mike. I will go get me and Hannah something to eat while they take that out? We'll bring you something back and by then you'll be ready to go." Christine suggested. She knew Mike was determined and she knew he would heal better at home under her care. Tom, Russ and Danny were close if she needed help with him. She also wanted to get home to Mikey who just wanted his mom.

"Ma'am, this isn't a good idea." The surgeon was beginning to get on Christine's nerves.

"You are probably right but I also know my husband. He is not going to be happy until he is home. I also have a six year old who broke his arm yesterday evening and has been crying for me. I know there are a lot of concerns where Mike is concerned but he will have the best care. Besides; he has three daughters who won't let him lift a finger." Christine told the surgeon adamantly. Thankfully he and the nurse stepped out and Christine concentrated on her husband and daughter. Hannah was helping Mike take a drink of water.

"Mike, do you want anything in particular to eat? Hopefully they get you out of here soon so we can go home." Christine asked Mike as she smoothed his hair back.

"Anything is fine. Coffee sounds good though. I do feel really bad about Mikey. Poor little guy." Mike said sadly.

"He'll be okay but he will probably want to sleep with us tonight. Tom texted and told me he had a rough night. He's a momma's boy." Christine was not exactly ashamed of the fact. Mikey reminded her a lot of Lucas and she did tend to dote on him. Neither of them would admit to having a favorite kid and they both loved their kids the exact same amount; but as much as Hannah was Mike's favorite; Mikey was Christine's.

"Well, as long as I can have a few cuddles with him; it's fine." Mike told them as Hannah came back in from using the restroom.

"Alright, Hannah, let's go downstairs and get something to eat. Maybe we can get out of here relatively quickly." Christine told Hannah as she picked her purse up. Hannah seemed slightly nervous but finally walked over to Mike's hospital bed, bent over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She whispered something in his ear and Mike instantly smiled at her and returned the kiss.

"I love you too, sweetheart. So much. Go on with Mom. We will get home and fix all this." Mike told her gently and Christine smiled at the two of them. Christine bent down and gave Mike another kiss before she and Hannah left for the cafeteria. The surgeon stopped her and told her they were arranging for a home health nurse for Mike to come every day and that he needed to take it really easy.

By the time Christine and Hannah got back; Mike was dressed in a pair of scrubs and was sitting up on the edge of the bed. Hannah more or less helped prop him up so he could eat while Christine went over the medications and what to watch for with the nurse. Their home health nurse would be visiting at four pm. It did make Christine feel a bit better knowing there would be a medical professional keeping an eye on Mike. The nurse and Hannah helped Mike into a wheelchair while Christine went and got the Tahoe. Courtney had driven Angel back to the police station the night before to get her own car and took Mike's truck back to the house.

Christine could tell Mike was in a lot of pain and she had called Tom to let them know there were headed home. Mike needed his own bed and there was no way that he could get up the steps by himself. It worried Christine until she pulled up and saw the large group of men come out of their house to help Mike. She gave Tom a look and he just shrugged. Before she even realized it; they had Mike carried up the stairs and into their bedroom. Courtney had the bed ready for Mike. Everyone stepped out for a minute and Christine helped Mike out of the scrubs and into a more comfortable pair of his pajama pants, boxers and a t-shirt. He would be spending his time in their room healing up and Christine suspected their kids would be in with him a lot. As soon as she opened the door; Mikey jumped into her arms. Christine carried the little guy back into the bedroom and sat down on the bed with him; next to Mike.

"I'm sorry, baby. I know your arm is hurting. Do you want to cuddle in here with your daddy? He's hurting too." Christine asked the little boy as he cried into her chest. Tom had told her that he had done really well but had asked when Christine was going to be home several times that morning. He simply wanted his mommy.

"Can you stay in here? I want Daddy but I want you too." Mikey asked Christine as he cuddled even closer. Mike was having trouble keeping his eyes open and Christine hated leaving Courtney and Hannah responsible for everything. Just as she started to object the two older girls walked in.

"Mom, why don't you rest with Dad and Mikey? Sarah Elizabeth is playing with Frankie. We'll bring lunch in. I know you have to be tired." Courtney asked Christine as Christine cuddled Mikey who was still crying into her shoulder.

"I am but…" Christine stifled a yawn as she said it. Mike was having a quiet conversation with Hannah and Christine wasn't even sure what they were talking about.

"Mikey, let me take you for a minute. Mommy will change into her P.J's and will be back in just a second. You can stay in here with her and Daddy, okay?" Courtney asked the little boy who consented to let his sister hold him while Christine changed into her nightgown. As soon as she slipped it on, she felt much more relaxed. By the time she got back into the bedroom; Courtney had Mikey settled next to Mike who was getting very drowsy. Both girls were doting on him and Sarah Elizabeth had also put in an appearance; giving her daddy hugs and kisses. As soon as Christine laid down on the cool sheets; Mikey cuddled as close as possible.

The girls left after promising to wake them up for the home health nurse; and Mikey had fallen asleep between his parents. Mike was barely keeping his eyes open and as Christine watched him falling asleep; she realized the pieces of her family were coming back together.

Hannah seemed to be doing better and she and Mike were working on their fractured relationship. It would be a process for her and Mike's attack and near death had been a wakeup call for Hannah. She would never heal completely from her rape but Christine knew that she was moving closer. Mike would be key to it and he knew it. Christine finally drifted off with her arms around her son and husband; who was snoring slightly.

 **Probably two more chapters for this story and it will be done. Hope you enjoyed! Please review. Also, I know that I probably made a lot of medical errors in this but it is fiction!**


	24. Chapter 24

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 24

For the first time all day, Mike was alone. Christine had woke up and gone downstairs to fix supper and Mikey had followed her after the nurse left. He could tell the little boy was hurting and simply wanting to be near his mom. It normally might have bothered Mike but he knew he had only been in Mikey's life for a few weeks. Neither of the twins were quite ready to reach out to him for comfort. He was still bonding with them and it would take them awhile to get used to him. Courtney and Sarah Elizabeth had checked on him several times but Hannah hadn't come back in.

Mike had thought there had been some sort of breakthrough with Hannah but he was beginning to get worried that she was reverting back. He hoped not. Her hugs had felt really good. When Mike had been fighting for consciousness at the police station; he had convinced himself that the girls that had attacked him; would somehow get ahold of Hannah and he wasn't there to defend her. He was terrified that she had died and things between them were on such a sour note. When he woke up at the hospital and she was sleeping on his shoulder; he had been thrilled. She had told him that she loved him but didn't feel worth his love. He desperately wanted to fix it because he suspected that had been Helena's issue and he didn't want Hannah's life to end the same way. As if reading his thoughts; Christine walked in with his dinner tray.

"Figured you were getting hungry. Tom said they have an extra TV if you want it moved in here?" Christine asked him as she put the tray in front of him. In a small bowl; Hannah's fruit salad was heaped. It made him smile.

"Sure. Hannah's fruit salad? Where is she? I really wanted to talk to her." Mike told Christine quietly.

"She's downstairs. I think she is afraid of having the conversation with you. She's scared she has done irreparable damage to her relationship with you. She truly doesn't feel worthy of your love." Christine said as she sit down beside Mike on the bed.

"I want to fix that. I think that was Helena's issue. She had people in her life that loved her and she loved them back but she didn't feel worth it. Her reasons were different than Hannah's but I absolutely don't want the same end result. I see her going down the same road and that terrifies me." Mike was rubbing his face as he said it.

"Yes and no. I see it too but Hannah is not so confident in her looks. I personally think she is beautiful but I am her mother. I have a natural bias as you do. I had hoped that taking her shopping and getting her fixed up would help and I do think it did a little but this goes deeper than her appearance. I hate to say it and I love Court but I think she is casting such a huge shadow. Hannah doesn't think she will ever be better. She doesn't realize; she can cast her own shadow. I guess it's our job to show her all the qualities that we love about her." Christine stated as she rubbed Mike's arm.

"So, how do we do that?" Mike asked as he took a bite of the fruit salad.

"I guess just tell her." Christine stood up, bent over as she said it and gave him a kiss.

"Gotta get her up here first. You know; when I was at the police station, before I passed out; all I could think about was that they had gotten ahold of her and she…my baby girl was lying somewhere alone and dying. I was absolutely terrified." Mike said sadly.

"Detective Sams told me that you had regained consciousness for a minute and was asking for her. Hannah is who gave you the blood donation. She never even hesitated. She just sit down and held her arm out for the nurse. Then she wouldn't leave you." Christine had tears in her eyes as she said it.

"I wondered. Are you okay?" Mike asked her as he pulled her back down on the bed.

"Not really. I was absolutely terrified when I got that call. I have only had you back for a couple weeks but I didn't want to imagine my life without you in it. I know I should have been more accepting of it; not having you for the last six years but I guess I was being selfish. I wasn't even thinking about what the kids needed at that point. Only that I could lose my husband." Christine sobbed between words.

"You're stuck with me and you don't have a selfish bone in your body. I am looking forward to Saturday. Not sure I will be much fun Saturday night but I am reserving energy." Mike told her as he leaned forward and kissed her again.

"Well; you did have a catheter so…maybe we need to cancel Saturday night? We can get away another night when you feel up to it. It would end up being more enjoyable for the both of us." Christine gave a watery smile as she said it.

"I was looking forward to it but I think I agree." Mike agreed sadly.

"It's for the best. I'd better get downstairs. We do have two kids that are trying to eat with their non-dominate hands. Makes for an interesting meal." Christine told him as she stood back up. "I will send Hannah up as soon as she's done eating."

"I love you." Mike leaned up for another kiss as he said it.

"I love you more." Christine said before she bent back down to give him the requested kiss. She left the room and Mike began eating his dinner. He was still in a lot of pain but was thrilled to just be at home. He just had to fix things with Hannah. He finished his dinner and managed to get the tray to the dresser and go to the bathroom by himself. By the time he got back in, Hannah was sitting at the end of the bed. Mike knew he couldn't prop himself up so he sat down on the bed and propped himself up on the headboard and patted the bed beside him. He could tell by Hannah's body language how nervous she was. She did sit down next to him but was chewing her lips nervously.

"Hannah; I don't even know where to start so why don't you?" Mike asked her as he wrapped an arm around her.

"I know what you and Mom are trying to do. Trying to make me feel better about myself. But you can't change what happened to me that night and you can't change the fact that I will never be as smart as Courtney or as cute as Sarah Elizabeth. As outgoing as Mikey or as charming as Lucas was. It isn't as easy as getting my hair cut and buying new clothes. I understand why you would have wanted to save me that night but I wish you hadn't. So, yeah, I am still mad at you for it." Hannah told him firmly as she drew her knees up to her chest.

"You're mad at me but you stayed with me all night? Saved my life when you donated blood?" Mike asked her as he tucked her hair behind her ear.

"I…I donated the blood because of Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth. They are just getting to know you and it didn't seem fair to let you die. Plus, I didn't want you to die either. The nurse told us that having us close might help you so that's why I stayed." Hannah said it like it was the most obvious thing.

"I see." Mike was making a point; it would just take a bit.

"Is that it?" Hannah asked as she started to get out of the bed but Mike pulled her back down gently.

"No. Hannah; yes, Courtney is smart, Sarah Elizabeth is cute, Mikey is outgoing and Lucas was charming. But you? You have something none of them have had. You have this amazing personality. Your mom and I joke a lot about you being switched at birth. We don't understand how we could have created someone like you. Someone so selfless, with such a beautiful soul. Even when you were upset and angry at me; you were doing for others. You gave me your blood so that Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth would have me in their lives. As far as why I saved your life that night? I have already lost one child. Losing another was not an option. Not if I could stop it. I get that because of what I did, you have to live a constant nightmare and I am sorry for that but I am not sorry that I saved your life. I will never be. I want to see you rise above what happened that night and what you did yesterday, identifying the monsters that hurt you? That was the first step. As you take each step, you will feel better. Those nightmares will become less. Right now; feeling like this, you are giving them control they don't deserve. I realize some of this goes from before your attack; you have been in the shadows for years. Or you feel you are. The thing about people like you is that you cast such a light. It isn't terribly bright but it goes into the dark corners of the room and illuminates everything beautiful. A person gets so used to that light that when it goes away; the whole room is darkened. You don't realize the light that you shine but I promise, I notice it. Your mom notices it and Courtney and the twins see it. Hannah, I am scared for you. I am scared because I see you going down the same road that Helena went down. She had people in her life that loved her and she loved them back but she never felt worthy of love. Much like you. Someone, sometime in her life, let her believe that she wasn't smart enough, kind enough, beautiful enough. She allowed herself to be treated badly. You teach people how to treat you. She taught them to treat her badly, including me. I don't want the same thing for you. You deserve better and your mom and I deserve better. We deserve for you to be in our lives. I really don't know how to fix this; I just know, I have to. As your father, I have to somehow make you believe that you are worthy of my love, of your mom's. Of everyone's. If I don't, I stand to lose you and I cannot handle that. Tell me what I need to do?" Mike was completely wrung out from his speech.

Hannah was apparently as wrung out because she had more or less leaned into Mike, for strength. Mike wrapped his arms around her and pulled her onto his chest, not knowing what else to do. He kissed the top of her head and felt her crying into his shoulder. Finally she sit up and wiped the tears. The one thing he noticed was that she had the same strong aura that she had had the night before. It made him immensely proud.

"You know how Mom and you were going to have me take Sasha's self-defense class when I got to where I could?" Hannah asked him. Mike was confused by the odd turn in the conversation but went with it.

"Yeah." Mike said as he repositioned himself. He was in a lot of pain but he wanted to get the talk with Hannah out of the way.

"I…you know the same stuff, right? Because of being in the Navy and being a cop?" Hannah asked as she turned to face Mike.

"Not completely but yeah. Why?" Mike was curious.

"I want you to teach me that stuff. I know it will be a long time before you can but that's what I want." Hannah's simple request was touching, even if it was confusing.

"Of course. But I am not as good as Sasha at this stuff. Can I ask, why me?" Mike asked her.

"Honestly? I like the idea of just spending time with you. I don't want to go shopping or anything like that and I couldn't think of anything else that you might want to do with me. I cook and paint with Mom but I don't have anything in common with you. You have stuff you can do with the twins and with Courtney. But I'm no good at sports and school is not my thing." Hannah's comment was simple and to the point.

"Alright. I have an idea. It will take me awhile to rehab. Probably as long as you. A friend of mine, Wolf, you met him earlier, he teaches some karate classes. That would be a good thing for you to learn and it won't hurt me to take the classes either. Sound okay?" Mike was grasping at straws and he would have to talk to Wolf but it was a decent suggestion at least.

"Yeah. That sounds good!" Hannah seemed genuinely happy at the prospect and if Mike had realized that was part of the issue, he would have fixed it earlier.

"Hannah, the one thing we have not talked about is your reaction about Helena and the baby. Do you have any questions or concerns about that?" Mike hated even asking her but he didn't want it between him and Hannah.

"Mom told me that if you hadn't found her, you would have probably killed yourself and that you didn't know about the baby. Is that true?" Hannah asked Mike as she squeezed his hand.

"Definitely and no, I didn't. I don't really know what I would have done if I had known. I would have still wanted to be with your mom but I would have also wanted to be a part of that baby's life. Your mom would have had to accept that and it would have been hard for her. Helena would have been a part of my life forever because when you have a baby with someone, you have that baby in common. I honestly don't know what we would have done but I do know; I would have wanted to be with your mom. Helena had her good qualities but she was not your mom and I think…I know…I was lonely. I wanted your mom. Up to that point, your mom was the only woman I had ever been with. I regret that I can't say that anymore. It wasn't just a physical thing. I needed…someone to talk to. Someone to be there when I got off work. The only problem with that was that your mom and I can talk about anything and it is a stimulating conversation but with Helena…it wasn't the same. I don't know if this even makes sense." Mike was getting tired but he wanted to explain the relationship with Helena.

"I only have one thing to say about all that. Well, two things…first of all, I was just angry at you for saving my life. I get why you did what you did. Helena and that baby was just an excuse. I should have not kicked you when you were down and I deserve for you to be angry at me for that. You may even hate me for it…I put you through hell…"

"Hey, now. I couldn't hate you ever." Mike told her firmly.

"Still, I shouldn't have done that. Mom said you looked at my baby book every night and were scared you had lost me. I shouldn't have hurt you like that ever no matter how angry I was. I don't know how to fix that." Hannah looked completely forlorn as she was talking and she had drawn her knee back up and had her chin sitting on it.

"Sweetheart, yeah, you hurt me. Let's just not worry about it anymore. What's the other thing?" Mike asked her to get her off the subject and to put it behind him.

"The other thing is…even though I don't think it will ever happen, I hope someday in a long time; I find someone who will love me like you and Mom love each other." Hannah gave him a sweet smile as she said it and Mike pulled her close again to where her head was on his shoulder.

"It can wait a few years as far as I am concerned but I hope that for you too. He will be a very lucky guy, that's for sure." Mike said as he gave Hannah another kiss on the top of her head. "Hey, I do need some help with something. I got your mom a new ring for our anniversary. It's over there in my top drawer. I need you to move it for me. Into your room. With me being hurt your mom may find it. I want to keep it a surprise."

"Okay. Can I look at it?" Hannah asked him as she scooted off the bed.

"Of course. It's an eternity band. I wanted to get her a new engagement ring but I really like that one better. It just doesn't have the bigger stone like an engagement ring. Course, the diamond on her engagement ring was pretty small. I couldn't afford a nice one back then. And it wasn't even a diamond." Mike told Hannah as she walked to his dresser. She found the ring box in his drawer, among the socks and other items and opened it and took a deep breath.

"It's really pretty. I bet Mom will like it better." Hannah told him as she tucked it into her hoodie pocket.

"I always wanted to get her a huge one but she refused. Once we got to where we were a bit more financially solvent, she would always find someplace else for the money or say we needed to save it. This time, I just didn't ask her." Mike smiled at the memory as Hannah sat back down next to him on the bed.

"I remember when she sold her engagement ring. She fooled the guy and told him it was a diamond. He gave her a lot more money than it was worth. Fed us for over a month. Back then it was hard to do. He tried to get her to sell her band but she wouldn't." Hannah said it as she fluffed Mike's pillow behind his head.

"Well, I am glad that it did that for you all but she won't ever have to face that choice again. As much as I would love to talk to you all night, I am getting really tired, sweetheart. We good?" Mike asked her.

"Yeah, we are. I am sorry for treating you like that, Daddy. Really sorry. I was horrible. I guess I thought that I wasn't worth loving because of how I am but I knew that you wouldn't just stop loving me so I treated you bad." Hannah looked completely saddened by her comment.

"Well, as I told you, I wasn't going to stop loving you, ever. No matter what. Let's just focus on those classes. And one more thing, sweetie, I am your dad and I am naturally biased but you are beautiful. You always have been. Someday, some lucky guy is going to fall head over heels in love with you. What happened to you that night? It won't matter to him and it won't matter to you anymore. It will just be one more than you will have survived. You are a strong, smart, kind young woman who is not just outwardly beautiful but also inwardly beautiful. I couldn't be prouder to be your dad. That has never changed and I am even prouder of how well you did, identifying those guys. I know you were terrified but you were still worried about me." Mike yawned as he said the last bit and Hannah smiled down at him as she tucked the blanket around him.

"I love you." Hannah bent down after she said it and gave Mike a kiss on the forehead.

"I love you buckets more." Mike yawned again as he gave her another kiss.

Mike fell asleep before Hannah even left the room. As she walked towards her bedroom, she met Christine and Mikey. Christine could tell that Hannah was doing a lot better after talking to Mike and she hoped that Mike also felt better. She gave Hannah a hug and kiss. She could feel something that felt like a ring box in her hoodie pocket but decided to just let Mike and Hannah have their secrets. It was good for them. Mikey pulled her towards the bedroom and had begged to sleep with them that night. Christine couldn't tell the little guy no and she knew Mike didn't mind. He woke up a little when Christine helped the little boy into the bed next to him but wrapped his arms around Mikey and Mikey put his head on Mike's chest, instantly settling down.

"You and Hannah good?" Christine asked as she tucked the blankets around Mike and their sleeping son.

"Yeah, I think we'll be okay. God, I'm tired. That wore me out." Mike said as Christine bent down and kissed him.

"I bet so. You okay with Mikey being in here? He begged and he knows how to push my buttons." Christine admitted.

"Absolutely fine. I figured he would be. I will be happier once you're in here too." Mike said sleepily.

"Give me a half hour to wash up these dishes and to lock up and I will be. I did cancel the hotel reservation. We will do our honeymoon later when you aren't handicapped." Christine said as she stood back up and brushed a kiss on Mikey's forehead. She picked up the food tray from Mike's dresser and before she even got to the bedroom door; she could hear Mike snoring and Mikey's softer snores. It made her smile even thought it was oddly reminiscent of something Lucas would have done.


	25. Chapter 25

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 25

Christine woke up Saturday morning before the sun came up. She had a lengthy list of things to do before their vow renewal but instead of getting up and starting her day, she turned towards Mike. He had his arms around their sleeping son and Christine smiled at the view. Mike had his chin resting on the top of Mikey's head and Mikey had his smaller hand over Mike's much larger hand that was resting on his bandage covered chest. They were breathing completely in sync with the other and if Christine had checked their pulses, they would have probably been beating in sync as well. Christine decided to give herself a half hour more, more so she could just watch her two favorite guys sleeping.

She finally got up about six and showered and dressed in casual clothes. She hadn't been feeling well herself either. Nausea kept her close to the bathroom. She was beginning to wonder what was wrong with her. When she came out of the closet; Mike had woke up and somehow Mikey had managed to intertwine their fingers together. Mike was focused on the little boy's hand until Christine sit down on the bed next to him and leaned down to kiss both of them.

"How's the pain?" Christine asked Mike as she checked the bandages over.

"Not terrible." Mike was clearly lying but Christine knew he was trying to make her feel better.

"But not great? How about this? You and Mikey hang out up here and I will take care of everything. That way you have plenty of energy. I will come up and help you get showered and ready. That is if I can stop throwing up. Jesus." Christine jumped up midway through the conversation and ran for the bathroom. She was beginning to wonder what was going on with her. She never got sick. She began wondering… She was forty two… Christine finally walked back into the bedroom and met Mike's glance. He raised his eyebrow at her.

"You okay? You're worrying me." Mike asked as he gently laid Mikey down on the bed and very slowly got up.

"Yeah, I'm not sure what's going on." Christine lied.

"Christy, are you pregnant?" Mike asked her as he came around the bed and put his arms around her.

"I…I am beginning to wonder. We've been back together for just over three weeks so if I am, I'm barely. God, Mike, I am sorry. I never thought…"Christine started crying as she was talking.

"Hey, it's okay. There are worse things." Mike told her as he wrapped his arms around her. She cried into his chest for a minute and then pulled away slightly.

"Mike, I am going to run to the store, get a pregnancy test or four. I…haven't had a period and I keep getting sick. My breasts are swollen and hurt. I just never…I should have been more careful. I am so sorry." Christine was crying again and Mike pulled her back.

"Do you not want this baby?" Mike asked her as he ran his hands through her hair.

"I…I just never thought about it. I thought I was done after Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth. And you? You just lost a baby. This can't be easy for you." Christine put her head onto Mike's chest.

"Christy, if you are pregnant, I will love this baby but it has to be right for you. Go, get the test and take it. We will handle it from there. You don't have to worry about what I'll think." Mike told her as he gave her a kiss. "If I could go get it for you, I would."

"I know. I just don't particularly want to ask our daughter to run this errand for me." Christine told Mike as she slipped her shoes on. She looked over at Mikey, who was sound asleep. Mike had sat back down next to him and Christine bent over and ran her hand through Mikey's hair. "If this baby is as sweet as this little guy, it won't be bad at all."

"He is pretty adorable although he has some competition with his sisters. You do make pretty babies." Mike smiled at her.

"I have a perfect partner to make a pretty baby with. Is it wrong that I am starting to get a bit excited? I am forty two, a lot can go wrong." Christine said.

"It can but we will handle it if it does. I think we will be fine." Mike gave Christine another kiss after he said it.

"Be back in a half hour." Christine told him as she slipped out of their bedroom quietly. She looked in on Sarah Elizabeth and the older two girls before she left. The more she thought about it; the happier she was. Thankfully there was a store already open and Christine ran in and got the pregnancy tests and ended up filling a bag up with chocolate candy and cookies. She was also craving chocolate.

The girls were stirring and so Christine slipped into the powder room downstairs so she could discreetly take the pregnancy tests. She could hear Mike and Hannah talking upstairs. It made her smile because it they had seemed to heal their relationship. The timer on her cellphone went off and she turned all four of the tests over. All four were positive. Christine couldn't help but to rub her hands over her belly and smile. She remembered when she discovered that she was pregnant with the twins, Lucas had just died and she had been in denial for weeks. She had no idea if Mike was going to make it home and she missed having him around for back and foot rubs and support. She would have that this pregnancy. She disposed of the pregnancy tests and carried her stash of chocolate and cookies up to the bedroom. All four kids were on the bed with Mike cuddling. Instead of starting her day; she put the candy on her dresser and jumped onto the bed.

"And so?" Mike asked her over Hannah's head. Christine nodded at him with a smile. He gave her a happy smile and managed to lean over and gave her a kiss. Hannah was completely oblivious and Christine brushed her hair away from her face and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

About nine, Christine, Courtney and the twins went downstairs to start decorating and fixing the food. Juan came in and began preparing the trays of cold cuts, fruits, cheeses and fancy crackers. Hannah had planned to help him but instead was fidgeting around upstairs. Finally she walked into the bedroom where Mike was resting, and sat down next to him on the bed. She had a piece of paper in her hand and seemed nervous about something.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Mike asked her.

"It's…I know tomorrow is Father's Day and I didn't buy you anything but before…we talked, I wanted to. I didn't think you would accept it because of how horrible I was. Didn't figure there was any way you could still love me or even want to be my dad. I know we've talked about all that stuff and I feel better about everything but I still wanted to give you this. Mom told me you would probably love a handwritten note just as much as a gift and bought me pretty paper to write it on. My handwriting isn't so pretty and I think I misspelled some words. It took me a few times to get it just right and that was the last sheet of paper. I love you." Hannah leaned down after she said it and gave him a kiss before jumping off the bed and heading downstairs. Mike looked down at the note and smiled at the very deliberate block letters.

" _DADDY,_

 _I KNOW I HAVE BEEN HORRIBLE BUT YOU HAVE STILL MADE A POINT TO TELL ME EVERY DAY HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME. I COULDN'T ASK FOR A BETTER DAD. I AM REALLY LUCKY TO HAVE YOU._

 _I LOVE YOU,_

 _HANNAH"_

Mike smiled at the very simple note. It was a keepsake. Hannah had spent a lot of time on it because there were no misspelled words and the handwriting was almost perfect. He had been a bit overwhelmed at the thought of a new baby but Hannah's simple note put everything in perspective. He would always wonder 'what if' concerning the baby girl he had lost before he ever got a chance to know her, as well as Lucas but the idea of having another baby with Christine was thrilling.

He put Hannah's note in his nightstand. He wanted it framed but until the frame was bought; he wanted it kept safe. Exhaustion had taken over and he decided to take a short nap. It made him feel bad that he had put so much emphasis on it being the perfect day for his amazing wife but she was the one doing all the work.

Christine had the backyard decorated with Tom, Danny and Wolf's help. Hannah and Juan had a massive spread of food and drinks prepared. The twins had been running crazy until Christine convinced them to take a nap with their daddy. Normally they would have both fought a nap but they both loved cuddling with Mike. He woke up enough to wrap his arms around both of them and they were all three asleep.

At twelve, Christine went upstairs to get herself, Mike and the twins ready. She didn't wake them up immediately, instead doing her own hair and makeup and putting her dress on. She remembered twenty three years before being nervous at what her new life would be like. She had no idea that her marriage would include five, soon to be six children, the death of one of those kids, a pandemic, at least a dozen deployments, a six year absence, an affair and the death of that partner and the unborn baby that resulted, the gruesome assault of one of their children and Mike's own attack. She knew together they could handle anything but she hoped their next twenty years or more was a lot less eventful. When she walked out of the bathroom, Mike was awake but curling Sarah Elizabeth's hair around his fingers until he saw her.

"I know one thing for sure; I am one lucky man." Mike said with a dopey grin.

"Does this look okay? It feels snugger around the bodice." Christine asked as she pulled at the fitted dress.

"You look perfect. I don't mind it at all. Absolutely breathtaking." Mike still had the dopey look on his face as he talked.

"Well, this was always your favorite part of my pregnancies. I would always gain a full cup size and wouldn't lose it until the baby was a year old because of the breast feeding." Christine had to laugh at the memories.

"No, not my favorite part. In a couple weeks, after you get past the morning sickness, you have a certain other craving that I really enjoy. It is particularly exhausting but I love it. I also really love the end result, the baby." Mike told her quietly. They were going to have to tell the kids pretty quickly but for the time being, their little secret was a fun one to have.

"Problem being, I have had that craving since you found us. Although, it isn't so much a problem. And the baby is a nice prize at the end of the pregnancy." Christine said as she pulled at the dress again. It had fit wonderfully the week before. She just hoped that no one else noticed it.

"You'll pull the lace if you keep doing that and I think you fill it out in all the right places. Too bad I am on the D.L., I would enjoy taking it…" Mike stopped himself from saying anything else because Mikey was moving around too much.

"Right, Mikey, how's Mommy's little man?" Christine asked their son who was waking up but trying to snuggle closer to Mike, in the process waking his sister up who was not happy and was also trying to snuggle closer. It was causing Mike some pain but he didn't seem to mind.

"Mommy, Sarah Elizabeth is hogging Daddy. I want him." Mikey had put his good arm around Mike possessively as he complained.

"No, Mommy, I want Daddy." Sarah Elizabeth was near tears as she said it but Mike and Christine were laughing.

"Three weeks ago I was worried about bonding with them, now I've spoiled them. Guys, I have two arms but we all need to get up and dressed so Mommy can marry me again." Mike told both kids who just gave him confused looks.

"But, Daddy, Mommy is so pretty. Why would she marry you again?" Mikey asked Mike after he had sit up and Sarah Elizabeth was clearly not happy.

"Daddy is handsome too." Sarah Elizabeth had cuddled into Mike's side as she said it and Mikey in turn had sit down on Christine's lap.

"Alright, guys. Mikey, yes, your mom is really pretty and I didn't deserve to have her marry me the first time, let alone this time. Sarah Elizabeth, thank you. Now, I need my two favorite six year olds to get ready so Mommy can help me get ready. I think your big sister is going to help you, yes? Courtney?" Mike asked Courtney who had appeared at the door wearing a knee length teal colored dress. It was strapless with a skirt that flared out and a wide leather belt. Mike let out a groan.

"Daddy, Courtney is almost as pretty as Mommy!" Mikey told Mike and jumped off the bed to go with his big sister.

"I agree. Court, don't you have a sweater or something? You look beautiful but…" Mike shut up because of the look Christine gave him. At that point, Hannah showed up at the door. Her dress was decidedly more modest but she looked as cute as a bug in it.

"Mommy, I'm sorry but I think Hannah is prettier than you." Mikey told Christine with the sweetest look on his face. The whole family burst out laughing at the little boy's observation. Hannah leaned down and gave Mikey a kiss on the top of the head before he jumped off the bed and followed Sarah Elizabeth and Courtney out. Before she could leave, Mike had sit up and grabbed Hannah's hand, pulling her close.

"Sweetheart, thank you for your note. I love it but I love you more. I am going to get a frame for it. I couldn't ask for a better Father's Day present. You do look beautiful by the way. You should have picked out Courtney's dress." Mike finished talking and pulled Hannah in for a tighter hug and a kiss.

"Thanks, Daddy. I love you too. I think Court is trying to impress one of your friends, Wolf maybe? He is kind of cute but I like Sam better." Hannah leaned down and gave Mike a kiss on the cheek and walked out of the bedroom. Christine burst out laughing at the shocked look on Mike's face.

"They are too young for this crap." Mike said as he stood up slowly. "I can't do much about Sam but I can get Wolf deployed to the other side of the world in a hurry."

"Mike, she has your sense of humor. She was teasing. And even if she wasn't teasing about Sam, it is healthy for her to have a crush after what she's been through and it's a boy you know, you like and you know how he's been raised. You know she would be treated well. This is healthy rather its teasing or not." Christine told Mike gently.

"I suppose. I know it's early and I really don't mind one way or another; but I am putting a vote for another boy with this little one." Mike said as he rubbed his hands over Christine's stomach.

"You've already had your vote. No going back now. I am getting more and more excited for this little one though. I wouldn't mind a boy either. Let's get you ready." Christine told Mike as she walked him towards the bathroom. They were limited on time. Mike took a fast shower and shaved quickly while Christine stayed close since he was so unsteady.

At one thirty, Mike very carefully made his way down the stairs with Christine on one side and Courtney on the other. Guests were beginning to arrive and Hannah was doing her best to handle the crowd but she was clearly nervous. Courtney took over for her and Hannah handled Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth after putting the Christine's ring in Mike's pocket.

After Courtney had everyone seated and Mikey walked his mom down the small aisle to Mike. Russ made several jokes and told a bit of Mike and Christine's love story. There were a few well-meaning groans and then Russ turned it over to Mike. He had made plans of writing his vows but then he had been stabbed and so he had to ad lib what he wanted to say.

"I had all kinds of plans of what I was going to say but I have been a little busy the last couple days recovering. I remember when we got married; people said we were too young. I don't regret marrying that young, I only wish we could have done it even earlier. If I had known then what I know now I am not sure what I would have done differently. We have shared a lot of good times and bad times. The only thing I would go back and change would be being gone so much and I would figure out a way to keep Lucas alive. But all the roads, even the bad ones have led here. And here is exactly where I want to be, with you by my side." As Mike was talking, he took the ring out of his pocket and slid it on Christine's finger, next to her original wedding band. Christine was crying all while smiling.

"I didn't have anything prepared either. I remember being so nervous twenty three years ago. I had no idea what I was in for. Yes, there have been bad times but the good has outweighed that. The love, the laughter, the kids and everything in between and what's going to happen have made us into what we are and will continue to shape us. Like you, I wouldn't do anything any differently aside from Lucas. I do hope they next twenty three years is not so eventful and that we have a lot more than twenty three years." Christine was becoming too tearful to continue so she and Mike exchanged a kiss. Russ said a few more words and Mike and Christine exchanged yet another kiss. Mike was getting tired from standing and so he found his seat at the table.

Hannah was trying really hard to be around the crowd but she ended up sitting as close as she could to Mike. He put his arm around here and talked to a few of the people that stopped at the table. Christine did bring them a plate of food and their drinks.

Later that evening the crowd had finally thinned out. Tom and Russ helped Mike up the steps and Christine helped him change into his pajama pants. The kids helped her clean everything up after everyone changed into their comfortable clothes and by eight pm, they were all cuddled into Mike and Christine's bed together. All four kids were sound asleep and Mike looked over at Christine who looked like she was on the brink of falling asleep herself.

"Not exactly the honeymoon night we planned for?" Mike asked her.

"No but I actually like this better. A night out would have been great and we will do that but I love when they all sleep with us. Today was perfect." Christine yawned as she said it.

"It was. Sorry I wasn't more help." Mike told her as he reached across and grasped Christine's hand over the kids.

"It's okay. I love this ring. God, I'm tired." Christine yawned again. "I love you."

"I love you too. Go to sleep." Mike told her. Within less than five minutes, Christine was sound asleep. They were still holding hands and Mike looked at each of his four kids. Hannah was closest to him and Courtney was on Christine's side. The twins were in between the two older girls. It made Mike smile because just three weeks before; he didn't think that Christine and his older girls were alive and didn't know the twins existed. Now, he had them back and in about eight months; would have a new baby to hold and love on. It hadn't been an easy road for any of them but he was thrilled to have them back by his side.

 **I originally was going to make this the last chapter but I am going to add just one more chapter. A jump forward! Please review. I love reading them.**


	26. Chapter 26

**Loss of Time**

Chapter 26

Mike and Christine barely made it to the hospital before she gave birth to their newest baby. She had him lying on her chest and looked absolutely beautiful despite being sweaty and with no makeup. Their little one was already nursing hungrily all while bonding with his mommy. The doctors and nurses had finished up with both of them so Mike sat down on the bed next to Christine and their new son, who gave him a very possessive look as he nursed.

"He is perfect. Just like his mom. You are amazing. Beautiful too." Mike told Christine as he leaned in for a kiss and put an arm around her and put his other hand on the baby's stomach.

"I didn't do this on my own. I have the perfect partner to make babies with. Just wish you were good at naming them." Christine teased as she returned the kiss.

"I am at a loss. I still like Nathan Thomas. What was your idea?" Mike asked as he got their baby boy to grasp his index finger. The baby was not nearly as interested in Mike as he was his mom.

"Well, we've had a Lucas Michael and Michael Sean, so no more Michael's. My dad's name was Todd and your dad's name was Samuel. I like Todd Samuel or Samuel Todd. Due to Tom having a Sam; it doesn't make sense to have two Sam's in the same neighborhood. I like Todd by default." Christine stated simply in a voice that left no room for argument, although Mike did like the name better than the one he had picked.

"Okay, what do you think of that, Todd?" Mike asked the baby as he leaned down and gave him a kiss on the head.

"He thinks it's a good name and he knows Mommy is getting tired. Have you called Court or Hannah to let them know?" Christine asked with a yawn.

"The disadvantage of going into labor in the middle of the night is that I really hated waking them up. Hannah apparently heard us moving around so she knows. I just got off the phone with her. Court will bring them by this afternoon after you've slept. Let me have him and I will burp him while you go to sleep." Mike told Christine as he reached for the baby who appeared to be detaching.

"Alright, but Mike? Can you stay here with me? On the bed? I hate sleeping alone." Christine asked as she handed Todd over and readjusted her gown.

"Of course. I love you." Mike leaned down and gave Christine another kiss before she settled next to him.

"I love you too. Remember, Mike, skin to skin contact. He needs it with you too. Take you shirt off; let him sleep on your chest." Christine instructed drowsily.

"Yes, ma'am." Mike agreed and gently laid the baby down in the bassinet as he pulled his shirt off. By the time he got settled again; Christine was asleep and Todd was well on his way. Mike cuddled the baby close with a blanket over him so that he didn't get cold. After a healthy burp; Todd rested his chin on Mike's chest and seemed to be studying Mike and he began talking to him quietly. "Hey, baby boy. I am so happy to finally meet you and I love you a whole bunch. It's just going to be me and you for a little while. Your mommy worked really hard to have you and she needs a nap but don't worry. She is a really, really good mommy. You'll meet your brother and sisters in a couple hours. They are really excited about you. You had another brother and a sister but they are in heaven now. I knew your brother but I never got to meet your sister. You getting sleepy yet?"

Todd gave Mike a sleepy yawn and put his head on Mike's chest. Mike somehow shifted both Todd and Christine around to where she was laying on one side of his chest with Todd on the other side. He gave the baby a kiss on the top of the head and watched him tangle his tiny fingers in his mom's hair. He was also sucking on Mike's chest, almost like he was trying to nurse. "Sorry, Todd, can't help you in that department. That's all on Mommy. I get the burping and diaper changes and occasional cuddles but I will let you do that tonight."

Todd went to sleep pretty quickly and Christine had snuggled in close. Mike even got a few hours in before the nurse came in to take both Christine and Todd's vitals. Christine woke up to nurse their son who was letting his opinion known when their doctor walked in and was assessing them.

"Alright, I honestly think you guys can go home this morning. Mom and baby are doing good. You are experienced parents so this isn't your first time around the block. Mom, how do you feel?" The doctor asked her.

"I feel good. Home does sound nice. Mike won't let me lift a finger once we get there." Christine stated. She obviously wanted to go home.

"Alright, well, Todd is perfect. He nursed okay?" The doctor asked.

"Yeah, he did good. Latched on good, got his fill and Mike, did he burp okay?" Christine asked.

"Yeah, good burp and then he tried to latch on to me." Mike told them. Both Christine and the doctor laughed.

"Well, that is good. Has he poo'd yet?" The doctor was full of questions.

"Yes and wet. What about a circumcision?" Christine asked. They hadn't found out if they were having a boy or girl so that was all up in the air.

"I will get you an appointment made for that. Will be done within a couple days. Alright, if you both will sign here and here, I can release you guys. I'll have the nurse come in and help you get dressed and get the baby in his car seat while Dad gets the vehicle." The doctor told them as she had them sign the paperwork that formally named Todd and released them. Within ten minutes, Mike was on his way out to get Christine's SUV while a nurse helped her get ready and helped her with Todd. He called Hannah as he walked to the SUV to let her know they would be home soon.

Mike drove as slowly and carefully as possible because Christine was sore. Todd was sound asleep in his car seat and Christine was in the back seat with him. She was exhausted despite the quick labor and easy delivery. He finally pulled into their driveway and heard her deep sigh.

"I am ready to hit that big, comfortable bed. This was a lot easier in my twenties with Court, Hannah and Lucas. Having the twins was rough but mostly because I missed you. This little guy has worn me out." Christine told Mike as he opened the door. Fortunately Tom appeared at his elbow and Mike decided to recruit him to get the car seat out.

"The kids came over to our house for breakfast. Figured I would help you all get settled and then have them come over. What do I need to do?" Tom asked.

"Can you get the baby out of his car seat and I will help Christine upstairs? She needs to lie down." Mike told him quietly.

"The baby comes upstairs with me." Christine told them as Mike helped her out of the SUV. She had unbuckled the restraints on the car seat and Tom had ahold of the sleeping baby.

Between Mike and Tom, they got Christine settled in the bedroom. As soon as Tom left, Mike helped Christine into one of her nightgowns and got her a glass of sweet tea and everything she would need for Todd. As she relaxed back into the pillows with the baby in her arms, she smiled over at Mike.

"Hard to imagine that a year ago we all thought you had died. Sorry I don't have the energy I had with the older kids. And I am kind of a mess." Christine gave Mike a kiss after she said it.

"You are absolutely perfect. I always thought you were especially beautiful after giving birth. You always radiated beauty." Mike told her as he leaned over her and their baby and gave them both a kiss. They both heard their older kids come in downstairs and up the stairs.

All four kids come in and jumped onto the bed with Mike and Christine. They all loved on their baby brother and mom. Within a half hour, all four of them were sound asleep in Mike and Christine's bed. He sat down next to Christine and wrapped an arm around her.

"Not exactly as relaxing as you had planned?" Mike asked her.

"No, but I also love it. I love when they all sleep in here with us. I know it isn't practical at all but I love watching them sleep." Christine said as she smoothed Hannah's hair back and kissed Todd on the forehead.

"Me too. They are sure beautiful, like their mom." Mike reached across and pulled the blanket over Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth.

"Mmm. They have some of you in them too. Only problem with moments like this is that it does make me miss Lucas. And I bet you miss not having Katie too?" Christine asked. Mike had begun seeing a therapist as a requirement from the Navy. It was something they encouraged all members of the Nathan James crew to do and Mike and Tom felt it would be good to show the officers agreed with the order. It made it easier for the enlisted to understand it was okay to seek help. The loss of his and Helena's child had come up in the counseling and his therapist had helped Mike name the child he had lost, with Christine's input. He had named her Katherine Anne after his mom and had called her Katie.

"It does a little. Mostly Lucas but a little with Katie too. It's hard not to think about her, what she would have been like?" Mike stopped himself before he said much more. The one thing he couldn't get past was the anger towards Helena. His biggest question was why she hadn't carried the baby to term, and then brought her to Mike if she didn't want to parent her. It would have been uncomfortable for Mike and Christine both but Christine had told him that she would have accepted and loved the baby, just like her own and in a lot of ways; Christine had grieved for Katie, right along with Mike.

"I imagine that she would have been this sweet baby girl with big blue eyes, a button nose and dimples. She would have had you wrapped around her little finger. Me too." Christine gave him a beautiful smile and leaned in for another kiss.

"You are amazing." Mike said as he gave her the requested kiss and then kissed Todd's head.

"I have an amazing husband and some beautiful kids." Christine said as she looked over their sleeping kids. She let out a yawn and snuggled up close to Mike, falling asleep within just a minute.

Mike looked over at the four older kids and smiled. Hannah had seemed to find her own in the martial arts classes. She had already competed several times and Wolf seemed to think she would have her black belt in no time at all. It had done her a lot of good. She was much more confident and had muscled up. She was still short but wasn't chunky. She also was doing much better with her school work since Christine had started home schooling her. Christine had worked with a tutor who had experience with kids who had learning disabilities and Hannah excelled with the curriculum and the one on one time with her mom. She and Mike were also much closer. Between the martial arts class and frequent trips to different restaurants in the city so Hannah could pick apart the recipes, they spent a lot of time together. She was also taking painting classes with Christine and she and Sam had struck up quite the friendship.

Courtney was in the middle of her first year as a pre-med student and loved every second of it. It had been a little harder for Mike and Christine to block out time with her but they both made a point to try and spend a few hours with their oldest. She was on the dean's list and devoted most of her time to studying. She wanted to maintain her perfect 4.0 GPA.

Mike had also made a conscious effort to connect with Mikey and Sarah Elizabeth. He wanted the same bond with them that he had with his other kids. Mikey had been easy because he loved sports and it was something Mike enjoyed. Sarah Elizabeth was all little girl but she did love cuddling with Mike and so he made a point to spend as much time as possible doing just that. It had been great until Sarah Elizabeth and Hannah had teamed up to paint Mike's fingernails pink while he slept on the couch. Christine mysteriously didn't have an ounce of remover and no one would get Mike any. He had to go to a really important the next morning with the polish on his nails. Fortunately Andrea had come up with some alcohol wipes that helped some but it didn't stop the laughs.

Mike and Christine had also spent a lot of time with together, frequently going for date nights and they had even managed a 'baby moon' when Christine was about four months along. It had been a couple hours south of the city and was a really nice location on a beautiful lake. They didn't see much of the scenery because they barely left their hotel room. It had been an amazing long weekend and when they got home; Tom had made a joke that if Christine wasn't already pregnant, she would have been after that weekend for sure.

Christine had also gone with Mike to some of the therapy appointments. It brought a lot of issues into the forefront where they needed to be. It had created a few arguments but had also led to some very passionate make ups and made their marriage even stronger. They talked about everything, Lucas dying, Helena and her resulting death, the fact that Katie would never be born, Hannah's issues and how to deal with them. Therapy had done them both some good and Hannah had even come along for a few of the appointments. She did most of her talking to Angel though.

Mike wrapped a blanket around the kids and Christine and made sure Todd was warm enough. He had a hundred things to do but decided to just cuddle up with his wife and kids. The laundry and cleaning would be there the next day, cuddling with the kids and Christine happened often enough but Mike still loved the moments.

A year before Mike had also thought his family was gone and had been with Helena. He had been miserable. As angry as he was at Helena because of Katie; he was thankful she had forced him to go to that dinner party where he found Christine. Because of that stupid dinner party; he had found his life again and he couldn't be happier.

 **Okay, that's it! Lots of ups and downs with this one and it went a lot longer than I planned. Hope you all enjoyed. Please review!**


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